RE: Does Age Matter? (Full Version)

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Toya -> RE: Does Age Matter? (2/11/2004 10:16:10 PM)

At 19 I was both a mother and a wife. Maturity isn't about age, its about life experience and what one learns from it.

I am not about to say 19 is ok for a Domme or not but then who of us has the right to judge? If you don't wish to play with a 19 year old Domme then its easy, don't. If it bothers you then just don't go there but hey someone else might find it exciting to have a young dominant women in control of them.

Toya
http://www.whisper.co.nz/subspace



Estring -> RE: Does Age Matter? (2/11/2004 11:20:14 PM)

Jeez. Another person with this "no right to judge" rant. We all have the right to judge, and we all do judge. Every day. This is a place for opinions. We all have the right to our opinions. My opinion is that age age does matter. I am judging, and I am stating my opinion. Deal with it.



MistressDREAD -> RE: Does Age Matter? (2/12/2004 5:38:16 AM)

I AGREE TO DISAGREE!!!


I WAS BOTH MARRIED AND WITH FIRST CHILD AT 15 IN A POLY DOMINANT RUN BDSM HOME AND HAD 8 TOTAL BEFOR I WAS 25 AND WHOM ARE ALL WELL EDUCATED MENTALLY SOUND DOMINANT ADULTS IN THE WORLD TODAY NOT TO MENTION OWNING THREE SLAVES AT THAT TIME OF MY LIFE PERSONALLY ALONE WITH MY DOMINANT MASTER. I AM PROOF THAT AGE HAS NO BEARING ON ONES DOMINANCE OR THE ABILITY TO EXPRESS IT AT A EARLY AGE UNDER THE RIGHT SITUATIONS AND CONDITIONS AND BE POSITIVE IN ITS APPLICATIONS. IT'S PURELY WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UP TO BELEIVE AND WHAT LIMITS SOCIETY HAS PUT ON YOUR BRAIN. ~giggles~



inyouagain -> RE: Does Age Matter? (2/12/2004 12:37:36 PM)

Considering this original thread question was 'qualified', as to whether age matters with regard to a Dom/me.

Good opinions have been expressed here and all have their merits. They have ranged from inborn characteristics (ie. Dom or sub) of an individual to life circumstances at early ages, and handling of same to various high degrees.

Fact is, if you are hungry (in need), you normally won't consume yourself with the skills and training background of the preparer. Your primary concern will be to consume the product prepared for you. If it satisfies your need, you will remember this, and probably return for on subseuent occasions to re-address your perceived need.

The underlying fact being whether the skills/qualifications do in fact address and satisfy your need(s), then splitting hairs over certain aspcts is utterly meaningless.

If the slipper fits, wear it Cinderella... if it doesn't, then find a bigger/wiser/older/younger/blacker/whiter shoe and try it on for size.

What if the thread subject were reversed...

Is a sub/slave's age relevent to their overall status, or worthiness as same?

How many will jump in to say younger inexperienced sub/slaves are better since your training will tailor them to your needs... without interference from previous training/programming which may or may not have been done by a certified 100% USDA Grade A Dom/me, who may have been aged to perfection in an oak barrel.

We are not talking about fermenting of beverages, or antique classifications or rankings of any sort. We are talking about skills and most importantly, satisfaction of needs. If the needs are satisfied by the meager skills of an infant... then so be it, the need was satisfied. Paint it whatever color you want, or decorate it with whatever agenda you wish... if the need is indeed satisfied, all subsequent conjecture and/or Devil's advocacy is indeed mute.



philurdesires -> RE: Does Age Matter? (2/12/2004 4:05:16 PM)

My experience may provide some enlightment - Most recently I met a domme (wannabe) in her 50's, with kids. She didn't have a dominant attitude and didn't conduct herself in a way to command any respect. I often felt like I was the Dom and she was the sub when I was with her. However, I had a Mistress that was in her 30's (20 years younger) and almost from the beginning, I knew my place, respected her greatly and there was never any doubt in my mind who was in charge. I felt filled with the younger domme, and totally lost with the lady closer to my age. I respectfully submit that it is the attitude of the people and their natural inclination to be dominant or submissive, and age usually has no bearing.



iwillserveu -> RE: Does Age Matter? (2/20/2004 2:25:00 AM)

Frankly my cut off is 30 minimum.

I've learned on other sites that below 30 they are usually shills for a porn web site or the "send me your money you worthless pig, slut, worm and maybe I'll write you back if you please me" type. (For the woman not familiar with it, usually the reply comes with a link where for a small fee you can see pictures of her naked.) At 19 the best she can be is a prostitute with a whip. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, but she could not tie me up.[:)])

(Oh, I found out about the 30 year old rule when I was 33. Go to vanilla sites and measure the spike in 29 year old women.[:)])



GreyDragon -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/2/2004 2:14:03 AM)

I would say I was not raised as a Dom, even if there were a part of my nature. In many ways I was forced to subdue my nature in order to get alone with others mostly family members. I had no roll model to follow. It took a great many years before I was able to shake off those inhibitions. I still have trouble with them. But I find I have much less tolerance for those who would seek to control me, and pleasure in seeing those that need controlling get it. Was I Dom at age 18 or even 30 no I was not, was it within me? I have to say yes, from as far back as I can recall. There was a need within me. It was just hidden from actively showing its self. Then there was the lazy time in my life when I just didn’t want to work at it.

The point is that yes I believe an 18 year old can be a Dom/me. Now can he/she be a good one that should be the real question. Can they effectively take charge of a submissive? Its one thing to have the personality of a Dom/me its altogether a different question to be able to act on it in a responsible manor.



ZenMaster -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/2/2004 5:27:57 AM)

To me, age is simply an attitude and if you are underaged or deal with someone underaged, the law of the land will adjust your attitude.



feline -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/2/2004 7:46:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I have a topic that may invoke some interest. Does age matter for a Dom or Domme? I bring this up because the other day I saw a Dom online who was 19 years old. Is that possible?
I don't believe you can be a Dom or Domme at 19. Am I wrong? It seems to me that a certain maturity must be reached before you can really be one. Some never reach it no matter their age, but I feel that 19 is too young. I would love some thoughts from others on this. And what age is the age where you are mature enough? I don't know myself. I just know that I had no clue about this lifestyle till about 28 years old. Then it became a huge interest for me. But before that I never thought about it.
What do you think?


Ok, back to the original question. Is 19 too young, no. IMHO i believe Doms/Dommes are born. And i believe you can see it in the very young. Observe children at play and you'll understand what i mean. BUT. . . does being domiant make you a Master/Mistress, no. i feel that Master/Mistress is a title that should be earned. Not just something you tried on for size, and then decided "Oh yeah I like this I think I'll keep it". And i believe to earn such a title takes time, maturity and learning. And as far as maturity goes, people mature at different levels. Therefore, i think age is irrelevant if you have all the components it takes.

[image]local://upfiles/17000/Jg139363080.gif[/image]



abounderandacad -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/2/2004 9:17:18 AM)

I tend to agree with Estring. Even while some social traits are exhibited at an early age, the experience necessary to sense, care for, respond to and sensually accelerate a human being who has surrendered completely to you, or you have rendered helpless, is hardly for those barely new to taking care of themselves. It is not, in my mind, an avocation for those who, while demonstrating a willingness to dominate, are not yet able to manage the results of their direction. Generally speaking, it is why insurance rates are so high for those under 25. High risk behaviour without the resouces or understanding to repair what's done.



MrKing -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/3/2004 6:49:37 AM)

If I may point out the obvious - this is what mentoring is for. :) Or military service - accept nothing less than a full hitch and an honorable discharge!



QuyitStorm -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/3/2004 9:43:02 AM)

My question would be this. Is there a maturity/age limit on masochism of sadism? I think not. These tendencies can be obseverved early on in very small children. Now the direction that takes, will define if the child learns healthy ways to express these things or becomes a battered spouse or a Ted Bundy.



perverseangelic -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/9/2004 5:02:07 PM)

as a fairly young submissive, i feel bad for young domiants. you have to start somewhere, and it's not always easy to find mentors.

because of my age, my parnters have been fledgling dominants, which i finds works well as we are able to grow together.
however, it also means the submissive cannot fully surrender him/herself becuse (IMHO) she needs to be more aware of her own saftey.
phsycial saftey i mean. at a young age, dominants haven't been able to practice whipping/binding/hitting/biting/insert interest so the submissive needs to keep an eye on herself and not except the dominant to be able to read her mind.



inyouagain -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/10/2004 12:27:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
...however, it also means the submissive cannot fully surrender him/herself becuse (IMHO) she needs to be more aware of her own saftey.
phsycial saftey i mean. at a young age, dominants haven't been able to practice whipping/binding/hitting/biting/insert interest so the submissive needs to keep an eye on herself and not except the dominant to be able to read her mind.


It has been vehemently argued in another forum here (by a male sub) that male subs don't need 'protection' from Mistresses/Dommes... while female subs usually expect and need a level of 'protection' from their Masters/Doms... even though the male sub could not envision the purpose of female subs expecting/desiring 'protection'. An entire thread was devoted to this debate, and the male sub felt so strongly in his assumed position that he resorted to pushing double-standards, and a condescending attitude in his posts to counter feedback from Masters/Doms, in a dramatic attempt to bolster his assumed position. I became a target for his drama by stating I felt 'protection' was expected by both genders... that it was not IMHO a 'gender specific' issue.

I can see that thread now being rejuvenated by your expression of concern over your physical safety at the hands of an inexperienced Dom... ie. concern for your safety and 'protection' of your physical well being... at the hands of lesser experienced Dominants. While I believe your comments reinforce the general consensus of that thread also, it will likely get same male sub back atop his soapbox again, lol! (it got so bad... nevermind, you'll see, hehe!)

Sorry, but I couldn't resist, as I'm still laughing at that other thread... here we go again!

Inyouagain



perverseangelic -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/10/2004 12:25:07 PM)

hm. i didn't think of it in terms of 'protection'

i thought of it in terms of saftey, but i can see that that might be protection as well.

i just have a soft spot for young Dominants who -want- to explore but are unable to because many submissives prefer (with reason, i know) older Dominants.

honestly, i can't see how submissives, male or female could NOT need protection in a very physical sense. if one is being bound and beaten by someone, one should EXPECT that the person weilding the whip will protect you, within the limits you have agreed upon.



wildpony -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/19/2004 8:09:00 PM)

i think He is very lucky if He recognizes His true nature at 19 and has a place to explore it. i knew about myself from the age of 10 but i was 37 and trapped by the time i knew there were others like me, and the complement of me, out there. so good luck to Him.



Leonidas -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/19/2004 10:30:35 PM)

Age only matters as a function of experience. Experience matters more, or less, depending on the context. A 19 year old at a play party, engaging willing submissives in play scenes under the eye of a watchful DM isn't going to do much damage. IF he's lucky enough to fall into a group with some structure that'll put some energy into his development and IF he hangs around long enough, and IF he's smart enough to know that he doesn't know everything, he'll learn fairly quickly. Thats a lot of ifs.

A 19 year old who proclaims himself master and proceeds to take a slave or slaves is probably heading for trouble, and so are the slaves. I know that nobody wants to hear or acknowledge it, but the mundane truth is that you need to have your own life together, and be pretty damn savvy about human nature and the day to day dynamics of dominance and submission to successfully own a slave or be a full time dominant to a collared sub. That generally only comes with time and maturity. The typical 19 year old today is still living with mom-n-dad and is either still in school or has a low-level job that doesn't pay squat. He's master of just about diddly, including his own emotions and where he wants to be in life. Just about as it should be for a 19 year old.

Are there six-sigma teenagers out there who were just somehow born brilliant, mature, dominant leaders and have the world by the ass on a downhill pull by 19? Sure there are. It'll be a damn rare event that you'll meet one in a D/s chatroom. The fat-spot-in-the-bell-curve 19 year old who proclaims himself a Dom in an online venue is doing so because, lets face it folks, he googled "sex slave" and found this world full of compliant women online who look as if they might fuck him if he can just act "Dom" enough. Women who might fuck you are, in case I need remind you, just about all you think about when you're 19 and male, and teenagers are very very good at figuring out how they're supposed to act to be "in".

Folks, in our way of life, scepticism is a good thing. It's perfectly alright not to take what people say at face value, especially when there's a more likely explaination. In our rush to be non-judgemental, we sometimes forget that a little good judgment goes a long way. Should we exclude someone because he is 19? No, we shouldn't. Should we accept at face value that he's ready to be a full-fledged member of our community until he's shown in spades that he is under some kind of supervision? I think so. For my money, the risk of doing otherwise is a bit high.

Take care of yourselves.

Leonidas



Estring -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/19/2004 10:46:06 PM)

Very well said Leonidas.



masterdstar -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/20/2004 6:32:44 AM)

Yes age matters. Even now, still, in the age of inability to make judgments without having to make sure no one is offended, real or imagined.
Age simply means time; time means experience, experience means, knowledge, and knowledge means ability. Combine them all together and if you’re lucky and smart you end up with wisdom, something that is so seldom addressed and that makes for a complete and evolved Dom or sub. This does not mean someone young or inexperienced is not a Dom or sub it’s just natural they have away to go, but to find all kinds of ways to deny experience is of the highest value is just unrealistic.



BlackGoddess -> RE: Does Age Matter? (3/26/2004 10:33:13 AM)

It depends. I can only speak from my experiences. At 19 I had my own place, a 4 yr old, and a baby on the way. At 15, I realized that I enjoyed seeing men tied up in chains (I didn't know what it was called though). Would I had made a good Domme? with mentoring, yes.

My future houseboy in Germany is 20. I doubt his ability to commit to serving me the rest of his life. However, I am giving him the chance. Someone has to be his first. Same with being a Dom/me...you have to have your first slave or how else will you learn?



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