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blackpearl81 -> RE: The femdom "gifting" dynamic (2/17/2007 10:36:31 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I hope this won't deteriorate into a "moneyslave," "pro vs. non-pro" or other financial debate. In this post, I am NOT talking about women (or men) that scam by asking for tributes up front, or those that demand a gift for consideration (ie, send me a present or I won't even talk to you). Nor am I talking about mutual "gifting" in a real life, flesh and bone relationship between mutually affectionate partners.
There's an interesting dynamic that I have observed and would like both femdom and sub opinions about. I believe that a great number of submissive men like, prefer, and WANT to be told (read: ORDERED) to send gifts to femdoms they are courting and/or admiring (like a professional dominatrix they see, or a femdom whose web site they visit daily). In my 10+ years of having a femdom web site, I've found three distinct results when talking of gifts (note that I rarely solicit gifts on my site):
1. If I leave an option and information for submissives to gift if they choose, a small portion will do so and do so happily.
2. If I present an option of exchanging gifts for training, or a clear barter (ie, "I am having trouble finding these boots in my city -- if a sub can get these and send them to me, I will provide phone training in exchange."), I receive a little more response, but not much.
3. If I demand -- and clearly, the more BITCHY and more presumptuous about it -- gifts (either specific or general), and do so with a clearly sadistic, openly erotic tone - the response is strong. Not only do more men get engaged by this and want to do it, the fallout is not resentment or frustration, many report excitement in being told and warmth in knowing they did as told.
Now, I will be honest, the dynamic in #3 isn't really consistent with my personality and also rubs my ethics the wrong way. But after years and years of this, I feel as though a great many men simply eroticize the idea that they have no choice, that they are being ordered to do something, and that they must complete the task -- and they get real fulfillment out of it. Both during the task, and after completing it.
My personality resonates more with #1, and I feel as though a lot of men may like to send gifts and do it because they want to show appreciation, earn favor or simply because they felt like doing something nice. Also, I there's not much materially that I really want/need and when I need it, I just buy it.
It makes me wonder if those femdoms that are demanding gifts (not in exchange for training) are simply responding to a demand/need of submissive men. It also makes me wonder how widespread the dynamic is.
Akasha
Akasha, (forgive me if this addressing isn't appropriate, but, I've never addressed you directly, and starting off with "Ma'am" or "Miss" seemed a little presumptious. I would prefer to err on the side of caution than make a mistake such as that.)
I've always enjoyed reading your posts. Although, there are some times where someone would want to gift/tribute willingly, not because he/she is using it as a method to gain notice. (I myself have been in a similar situation - maybe send a gift, like a bathing basket from a place such as Bath & Body Works, to gain a prospective Dommes attention)
Then again, It could be fairly awkward - what if said person gave something like perfume/bathing salts/oils, and that person was allergic? (kinda humorous situation, but I've read about it happening nonetheless)
Personally, I don't agree with tributing immediately, specifically because you may not know enough about the person your gifting/tributing for.
On the same token, there is always the law of supply/demand - As long as there is a demand (bad pun - i know) of ProDommes wanting to be tributed, there will be a supply of willing submissives ready to do that.
Sincerely,
BP
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