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What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 6:51:38 PM   
AZSweetie


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline 		Ok so i have been in deep thought today about something. i met someone not to long ago. She is not in the lifestyle and has only dabbled in it a little. Anywho, since meeting her my feelings for her have gone from lust to [i'm still in denial over this] falling in love. i have fallen in love with everything that she is and what i have learned about her so far. Now the lifestyle is a big part of me. i will always have this strong desire to serve, but this really huge part of me just wants "Her". It doesn't matter how much of the lifestyle is part of my life as long as i am part of her life. i guess my question is: How much of your relationship would you say is "vanilla"? i know we all have vanilla in our lives and i know we cannot play 24/7. Have any of you gone from high lifestyle activity on a regular basis to more of a vanilla based relationship with BDSM here and there on occassion because you met someone special? How has it worked for you? Just curious.

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 6:55:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think the problem is that people feel that "vanilla" is somehow distinct and separate from "non vanilla.

Almost all of the M/s relationships I know look completely vanilla 90% of the time.  Are they?  Not at all.

I think it's much better to simply realize it's not WHAT we do, it's simply who we are and what the dynamic is between us.  As long as that's working, the actions speak for themselves.

My relationship is vanilla because there is no EXPECTATION of authority transfer.  Yet, I'd say it's never "vanilla" because we're both switches.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 6:59:13 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Forget the label, go with your gut... when it's all said and done the dynamic is what it is and doesnt need a title.

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 7:14:27 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		AZ young lady...you have to go with your heart...and all the rest will follow. Think about it...you can please her and without demand...you can serve her and without command. If it pleases you to do so, Iam sure...it will please her.

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 7:25:33 PM   
AZSweetie


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

AZ young lady...you have to go with your heart...and all the rest will follow. Think about it...you can please her and without demand...you can serve her and without command. If it pleases you to do so, Iam sure...it will please her.


Well, there isn't going to be anything between us..long story... but you are very right. i think if there was to really be anything between us she would be very happy and pleased with me. i agree with you on going with my heart and that is usually what i tend to do. i know that in many ways i would be serving her without her even knowing and that would satisfy that need. Well if anything should come out of this i intend on going with my heart.

So.... question here...  does "vanilla" almost always come first in lifestyle realtionships?  i'm really curious about (for example) people who say they are 24/7.. how vanilla is thier relationship REALLY?

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~ Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 8:00:20 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		hi
He is my Dom and i am His sub- that is the basis of our relationship BUT
we are also lovers and best friends. We have to work, we have families that include our grown children, we have vanilla friends. i guess we must look very vanilla to the outside world. We are a very affectionate loving couple that are almost always laughing together. His control is constant yet invisible to others and it is something we are always aware of. What we have found works for us, perfectly- good luck in finding what works for you
hugs
c

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 8:07:39 PM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		Our relationship would look totally vanilla to others, and sometimes it feels rather vanilla.  We too are best friends and lovers.  we have scene time, not as much as some, but we both have children, jobs and I am attending school.  Through all this I know my place with her, and she knows where she stands with me.  That is what is important.

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 8:19:24 PM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AZSweetie

So.... question here...  does "vanilla" almost always come first in lifestyle realtionships?  i'm really curious about (for example) people who say they are 24/7.. how vanilla is thier relationship REALLY?


1. not always depends on the people involved in the relationships.
2. For us how vanilla is it really..... not at all....... He speaks I obey, he wants I get, I know how it's to be done and I do it. On occasion when my sub is around, I do more speaking and delagating and Butler obeys. Everything gets done w/o a lot of micro managing so that there can be more personal time. It's all really boring to outsiders and people only interested in the sexual gratifacation side of WIITWD. But we're not a good demographic for this question as we live a stable quiet life w/ few "vanilla" interlopers. I forget who mentioned something like this but we're subtle people and a stolen moment for us might involve a knife held against the throat of someone cooking dinner and having them stop the task simply to offer physical worship to a body part then resume cooking a few minutes later.... Life has so many options and activities why limit them to catagories of Vanilla and Alt; mix and match have fun and steal whatever time you can to squeeze in another. So how vanilla are we really? Oh we are so vanilla we're not vanilla at all. or something like that.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 9:24:03 PM   
touchthesky


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline 		things evolve.It really depends on how core BDSM is to you. I could have a vanilla relationship if i fell in love with someone. The sexual dynamics would take some getting used to, but i LIKE BDSM it doesnt totally define me.
One canmake adjustments for love. Be honest with your partner tho

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/17/2007 9:33:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSM05478
Oh we are so vanilla we're not vanilla at all. or something like that.

I actually really like that line!

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What Percent Vanilla? - 2/18/2007 8:27:46 AM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		I like that line too.  I tried vanilla relationships with women that I really liked.  I seemed to keep trying to get them to do things that they weren't interested in.  I think if you are a true submissive, as I am, that you need and long to have this be part of your life.  Maybe not 100%, 24/7,  but definitely a part of it.  That is what my Mistress and I both found.  She was in a vanilla relationship with a man that was trying to please her by saying he enjoyed it, but she knew he was just trying to make her happy and wasn't the submissive she was after.  As I said in my earlier post, we do not display the lifestyle 24/7 due to life's realities, but we share the dynamic always.

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