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A little help here? - 2/19/2007 11:27:50 PM

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Ok, so i am training a slave(my wife) and she is really into it, and really enjoys serving. She really does. She has always been a submissive, and when the subject of slavery came up, she was all for it and willing to try. The past week I have had to place her in a mode of relaxation from training, due to stress and her worry that she cannot make it through training. We had an extreme series of ups and downs, from her outright rebelling to the next evening allowing her master to exercise every whim he thought of. I even pissed on her(which was one of her limits!) My question is.....how do i get her to regain her confidence? How do i get her back in the game? And how to i maintain my confidence as a master. I am really a rookie at this, and i worry about this causing more harm than good. Kinda wish there was a master training program, and not just one for slaves...........lol
If any other masters have any advice or comments.......feel free Thanx

RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 12:07:42 AM

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As cool as Mastering her is you also have to encourage her and give her the props she deserves. I bet "You have pleased me" will go a very long way with her.

You have to really defy the social norm and reward good behavior here. Sadly most people are only responsive to bad behavior. You have to change your thinking on this. When she does well you have to go beyond "good job" and really let her "feel" that she has done well. Once you get in the habit it will change your life as well as hers.

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TrollTopia
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RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 12:51:13 AM

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Troll is right, a 'you have pleased me\done well\ im proud of you' will go a LONG way with making a sub feel good in her submission, and have confidence in herself.

twistedwillow

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Don't be fooled by the pretty words and sweet face.. sarcasm is the norm not the exception.

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RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 1:06:18 AM

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Thank you twisted.

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RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 1:14:21 AM

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Your welcome Troll.

And more, MasterLJ, sorry couldnt get it out earlier had to run get tea on, No Sir here atm, but a demanding "I'm a growing boy mum" unmentionable.

I suggest you both join this forum, peruse the various areas, get in contact with your local bdsm scene, perhaps find a Dom\me to mentor you. Go into the life style with your eyes open, discuss it with each other, see if your ideas on it are compatible. Take it slowly. And enjoy.

twistedwillow

_____________________________

Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? —Jules Feiffer
Don't be fooled by the pretty words and sweet face.. sarcasm is the norm not the exception.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 1:17:37 AM

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Very good points twisted. And let me toss out a few rules for you.

1. Communicate.
2. Communicate.
3. Play safe.
4. Communicate.

Did I mention... communicate?

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TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 7:29:31 AM

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What exactly are you training her in? What does your training include? What's your style? If you've changed dramatically in your style and pacing, it might be understandable that she's not sure she can 'catch up' to you.

Time and experience will prove everything in the end, but you might want to see if this pace at this point is really what you need for long term fulfillment. A lot of relationships work too hard at DOING the things they feel they should do and don't end up with enough energy to just BE who they are.

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RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 8:23:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MASTERLJ

We had an extreme series of ups and downs, from her outright rebelling to the next evening allowing her master to exercise every whim he thought of. I even pissed on her(which was one of her limits!)

Maybe you are trying to rush things along a bit too fast. If you are already pushing limits you may be causing your own problems. Even though she is your wife and is into it you need to develop trust, and if you are pushing her limits this soon she may be worried about what will come from this.

(in reply to MASTERLJ)

RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 11:57:10 AM

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Master LJ,
Sounds like you are in the middle of a "frenzy". All the access to all these new experiences can be overwhelming from either end of the flogger.

quote:

how do i get her to regain her confidence?

What makes you think you lost it?
Let your guard down, or better yet, don't be guarded at all. You know you're a "rookie", she knows it too. Instead of worrying about making mistakes, expect them, laugh at them and yourself when they occur. Nothing instills confidence better than admitting to your partner that you are learning too. Solicit feedback, and give it, frequently.

quote:

How do i get her back in the game?

Well, if it's a "game" are you sure she knows the "rules"? Do you? At minimum, make sure that you both are playing the same game on the same playing field.

quote:

And how to i maintain my confidence as a master.

Are you confident when you ride a bicycle that you won't fall? If you can remember as far back when falling was a distinct possibility you maintain today's confidence by drawing upon the knowledge that you know you won't. It happens over time. But don't forget, even Lance Armstrong falls.

quote:

I am really a rookie at this, and i worry about this causing more harm than good.

You can avoid this and reduce your worry by having and documenting the goal for the relationship. Once you've done that, you'll have a reference point for determining that you are causing "good".

Have FUN!

(in reply to MASTERLJ)

RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 1:19:25 PM

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Sounds like you're pushing too hard. Slow down, go back to the beginning and this time use baby steps. There really is no reason that she needs to become a no limits slave by next Tuesday. Figure this is a process that will take years.

Slow down and start all over so that she can see what she can do. The more you push her, the more she'll see herself as a failure. Go slowly and allow her room to ask for more instead of always feeling in a panic at being overwhelmed.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: A little help here? - 2/20/2007 1:54:08 PM

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you have mail

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RE: A little help here? - 2/21/2007 12:12:46 PM

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WOW guys..........gotta say you all gave me some things to think about and consider.I really appreciate the feedback, and since my original posting, I have learned that I am moving a little too fast for her. A friend outside the site suggested that i spend more time reading some literature on the subjects of training and being a master, and slow things up a bit to give us both some more space to transition. I have quite a few questions I have to find the answers to, such as the ones LuckyAlbatross posted. If anyone at all has any suggestions for literature, web or books i can find, please share. And again.......I appreciate the feedback guys!!

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Bestow rewards without regard to rule, issue orders without regard to previous arrangements; and you will be able to handle a whole army as though you had to do with but a single man.
- Sun Tzu

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RE: A little help here? - 2/21/2007 1:55:54 PM

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Oh oh oh! A "good girl!" said with sincerity and pleasure goes a very long way with me. So does "You make me happy" or any such small phrase that tells me that he is pleased with me.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: A little help here? - 2/21/2007 2:39:46 PM

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quote:

I even pissed on her(which was one of her limits!)

Why did you cross a limit? That would be deal breaker for me unless it were negotiated.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: A little help here? - 2/22/2007 9:32:58 AM

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It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry

Well I ride on a mailtrain baby, can’t buy a thrill
Well I been up all night baby leanin’ on the windowsill
Well if I die on top of the hill
And if I don’t make it, you know my baby will
Don’t the moon look good mama, shining through the trees
Don’t the breakmen look good mama, flaggin’ down the ’double-e’
Don’t the sun look good goin’ down over the sea
But don’t my gal look fine when she’s coming after me
Now the wintertime is coming, the windows are filled with frost
I went to tell everybody but I could not get across
Well I wanna be your lover baby, I don’t wanna be your boss
Don’t say I never warned you when your train gets lost.

B.Dylan

< Message edited by sugarcandy -- 2/22/2007 9:33:19 AM >

(in reply to MASTERLJ)

RE: A little help here? - 2/22/2007 1:29:13 PM

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proud........it was a kinda of a heat of the moment thing............and i got clearance to pass that limit..........it was a weird circumstance to say the least. if i had been told no, you cannot cross that line......then i would not have. Sorry i was not as clear as i should have been........:)

(in reply to sugarcandy)

RE: A little help here? - 2/22/2007 7:45:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MASTERLJ

proud........it was a kinda of a heat of the moment thing............and i got clearance to pass that limit..........it was a weird circumstance to say the least. if i had been told no, you cannot cross that line......then i would not have. Sorry i was not as clear as i should have been........:)

Thank you for clarifying that.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to MASTERLJ)

RE: A little help here? - 2/22/2007 7:46:51 PM

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From: Under a bridge
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Just in case no one said this before... Comunicate.

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I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to proudsub)

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