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Is it for her or for me? - 2/23/2007 2:27:29 PM

Butterthemuffin

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She is submissive becouse that gives her plearure, I am dominate becouse I like the power, but I also love to please. Can you dominate a loved one with pleasure or does it have to be pain. The antisipation for her was a powerful feeling for me. But should I give her pain if she sees that as a reward? Or can punishment be the lack of pain or pleasure?

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RE: Is it for her or for me? - 2/23/2007 2:38:22 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Butterthemuffin

She is submissive becouse that gives her plearure, I am dominate becouse I like the power, but I also love to please. Can you dominate a loved one with pleasure or does it have to be pain. The antisipation for her was a powerful feeling for me. But should I give her pain if she sees that as a reward? Or can punishment be the lack of pain or pleasure?

I love being humilated. When I've been a good girl, he throws me onto the bed and makes his little slut. *shrugs* Punishment, real punishment, is anything you don't like. If I don't do my schoolwork, I don't get scenes. That's punishment for me.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Is it for her or for me? - 2/23/2007 2:41:18 PM

BabyNyla

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That depends on the relationship. Some D/s relationships don't involve any pain at all where others can revolve around nothing but pain ... for example, I once had a service sub, who did chores, etc ... and he never experienced pain from me.

In my case ... I get off on pain ... so my Master would never use it as a means of punishment for me. Instead, he would ignore me or leave me in the cage ... because that would upset me in place of pain. As a reward I might receive pain that would leave bruises (which I love) or he might do something special ... like give me a massage or let me wear pjs to bed.

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RE: Is it for her or for me? - 2/23/2007 3:02:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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The first and most important lesson to ever learn in life is:
Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

Wait, no, that's not it, let me think.

Ah yes:
Whatever works best for you and makes everyone fulfilled is what you need to do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Butterthemuffin

She is submissive becouse that gives her plearure, I am dominate becouse I like the power,

Dominant. Dominate is a verb.

quote:

but I also love to please. Can you dominate a loved one with pleasure or does it have to be pain.

I've never known a relationship to work long term based on pain.

quote:

The antisipation for her was a powerful feeling for me. But should I give her pain if she sees that as a reward? Or can punishment be the lack of pain or pleasure?

Punishment depends totally on her mindset. A spanking with a mindset that "This is a spanking because I have been sincerely badly behaved and need this spanking as a reminder to change my behavior in the future" will not be handled positively.

The question is- can you make sure her mindset is where you need it to be?

And punishment can be ANY negative consequences used to change behavior- IMO it's best used very rarely and only in serious issues. Focus more on being happy together and forming a solid relationship with eachother and less on the "rules" and absolutes.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Is it for her or for me? - 2/23/2007 5:23:05 PM

Kinkypupper

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From: Portland oregon
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Remember there is a big difference between "pain" and "punnishment"

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RE: Is it for her or for me? - 2/23/2007 6:53:58 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Butterthemuffin

She is submissive becouse that gives her plearure, I am dominate becouse I like the power, but I also love to please. Can you dominate a loved one with pleasure or does it have to be pain. The antisipation for her was a powerful feeling for me. But should I give her pain if she sees that as a reward? Or can punishment be the lack of pain or pleasure?

the only time we incorporate physical punishment is in play punishment, because i enjoy the pain and humiliation and He enjoys administering pain. you can definitely dominate with pleasure...chastity isn't even in His dictionary, and it's rare that i don't have multiple orgasms during sex...so...He definitely believes in pain as well as pleasure, and pleasing me or allowing me to please myself doesn't make Him any less dominant. on the other hand, doing things that seem naturally submissive to some, like giving head to Him, also gives me pleasure (the act itself and the connotation of service and submission). i don't think it's fair to define things so black and white that pain becomes submissive and pleasure becomes dominant.

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RE: Is it for her or for me? - 2/23/2007 9:08:01 PM

mstrjx

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You sound a lot like me when I first started. Here's a crash course in Jeff-ism.

1. It's a relationship, so both of you need to get what you want and/or need. That you want to please her is a good thing. You don't sound like the selfish type. Stay that way.

2. She's submissive, but that could take a lot of forms. Pain could be part of her pleasure, or (if you are like how I was) you learn HOW to make pain pleasure. Which leads us to.....

3. It's all about the carrots. Incorporate what you like with what she likes. If you get good at it, she'll do anything to get what she likes (the carrot). Make yourself her addiction.

4. Assuming she somehow has a little more experience than you (which is what I get from your questions), this is probably the most important thing. You need to figure out how to 'keep' her. You have to be able to stay ahead of her. I call this 'always being able to go one step further than she wants to go'. You must be able to demonstrate that you have the capacity to be more dominant. You don't want her to become bored because you're not 'enough'. If you understand her well enough, you will know that by dominating her in ways that you might question yourself, you 'are' pleasing her.

Hope this helps.

Jeff

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