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Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 9:57:20 AM

lily1953

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/9/2005
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My wife is my reluctant Mistress I have given everything to her and have worshipped her orally every night how can I make her more into this style of life that I love

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 10:13:13 AM

MsSilvie

Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
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Quite honestly, you can't make someone develop an interest in bdsm if they do not have an interest to start with.

And by trying to push someone into something they do not feel comfortable with, you are demonstrating that your needs come first and her needs are secondary, if they are even considered at all.

Quite a turn off, regardless of what kind of lifestyle you live.

(in reply to lily1953)

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 10:57:05 AM

strongnsubmissiv

Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
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I agree with MsSilvie... lily... if your wife isn't wired this way, she'll never be. I guess it all depends on what kind of submission you are looking for. If for instance you are looking for some play only, from time to time, she just may oblige. However if you need a deeper connection other than play, she's probably not going to be that person.

For what it's worth, here's an article that is a pretty good read:

http://www.bigrock.com/~trance/myhome/discourse/married.html

Good luck.

sns

_____________________________

*** Strong and submissive are not contradictions ***

(in reply to lily1953)

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 11:26:47 AM

MasterzKitten

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/16/2005
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as MsSilvie and strongnsubmissiv have said, you cant make someone more into the lifestyle if T/they dont want to be. the more you push, the more T/they'll back away from it. Try just letting Her do what she wants, however she wants. Forcing it on Her wont work in the slightest, it'll only make things worse. So just let it take its own course in its own time. Things will work out the way they're suppose to. If you dont like the results, you either have to deal with it, or look elsewhere...

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.*.Brightest of Blessings to Y/you and Y/yours.*.

~kitten~

(in reply to strongnsubmissiv)

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 11:34:19 AM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
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Try taking it out of the bedroom. you'd be surprised at what folding laundry, non-sexual massages and offers to run errand say about your willingness to serve.

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to lily1953)

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 11:55:32 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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Hey lily,
You can't make her do anything, and in fact shouldn't since that is not a submissive thing to do... However, you could brouse akashaweb, and maybe invite her to read with you, and you could buy "the Mistress Manual" and have it hanging around in case she becomes curious enough to look inside. M

P.S. and do what MistressFire said; what woman wouldn't love that?

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 3/20/2005 11:58:20 AM >

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to lily1953)

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 12:14:00 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSilvie

Quite honestly, you can't make someone develop an interest in bdsm if they do not have an interest to start with.

And by trying to push someone into something they do not feel comfortable with, you are demonstrating that your needs come first and her needs are secondary, if they are even considered at all.

Quite a turn off, regardless of what kind of lifestyle you live.

I think a lot of vanilla women can become interested in bdsm if it is presented to them in the right way. You have to counter all the awful stereotypes she might have in her head and not be pushy or demanding.

I have a lot of suggestions on my site and have received great feedback from vanilla women who had sub husbands:

http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

Best of luck.

Akasha

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Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MsSilvie)

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 12:17:27 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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Exactly why do you feel you're a sub when you are trying to force your "Domme" to be more Dominant. You are acting selfishly to meet your own needs. If the woman enjoyed being Dominant, you'd not be referring to her as reluctant. If you are pushing her into accepting service she doesn't desire, the only Dominant in your relationship is you. COMMNICATE. Ask her her exact, honest feelings about it. If she really doesn't want to deal with Dominating you, ask if you might visit a professional.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to lily1953)

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 10:10:07 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

Try taking it out of the bedroom. you'd be surprised at what folding laundry, non-sexual massages and offers to run errand say about your willingness to serve.

Fire

I have to agree with Fire, lily. you say you have worshipped her orally every night. Who wanted that? you or her? I checked your interests on your profile and most of them are very oriented to a male desire for extreme, intimate sensation. Forced Bi, Cuckolding, Watersports, CBT, Strap-on? Where is the "No Strings Housecleaning?"
Where is the Foot Worship? As Fire said, try taking it out of the bedroom.
But you are not going to be able to force her into satisfying your needs. And you shouldn't. That isn't a very submissive thing to do.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to MistressFire70)

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/20/2005 10:47:54 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
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Hi lily1953,

You have gotten some good advice in this thread - websites, books and improved attitude. None of these things will necessarily turn your wife into a domme. But the important thing is to not push her... because if she becomes annoyed she will push back and become resentful of your interests. (I speak from experience on this)

If your interest is not simply a sexual kink, then doing things to serve her is a great idea. Doing more of the household chores, allowing her to pick the the things you do together (the movies you watch etc), thinking of ways to surprise and delight her (if she likes flowers, plant a few while she is out for the day, so she will be surprised and happy upon returning).

Of course, all of this requires a bit of sacrifice on your part - it is work, and at best you will get delayed gratification. But she needs to know that D/s benefits her in very concrete ways. If she approves of the change over you, she might be willing to indulge in some of your interests as a reward.

(in reply to lily1953)

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RE: Frustrated submissive - 3/26/2005 6:20:35 AM

Chilli

Posts: 42
Joined: 2/27/2005
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God, I SOOO understand where you are coming from Lily.

When my Man chooses to he is the most delicious Dom, but getting him to choose to be is getting fewer and far between times.

Its getting me down, as this was one of the crucial elements of our relationship that drew me to him.

(in reply to onceburned)

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Post #: 11