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CHEATING DOM - 3/21/2005 10:02:37 PM   
daddysgirl1985


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		i just discovered that my prospective dom lied to me. he is spoken for, contrary to what he told me. this incident has gotten me thinking: how should a submissive deal with infidelity on the part of her dom especially if the dom gives her the impression that she is the only one in his life?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/21/2005 10:21:25 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysgirl1985
i just discovered that my prospective dom lied to me. he is spoken for, contrary to what he told me.

Be greatful you discovered while he is still only a prospect, and can move on hopefully without feeling excessively used and abused. Am sorry about being lied to, am sorry that people suck that way sometimes.

quote:

how should a submissive deal with infidelity on the part of her dom especially if the dom gives her the impression that she is the only one in his life?

Deal with it The only way you can: keeping your head held high, being honorable and true to yourself, and dropping garbage at the curb when you find that is what you had in your hand rather than potential gold.
Be aware, investigate, pay attention, and hope for the best.
Good luck, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to daddysgirl1985)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/21/2005 11:12:38 PM   
MissXtacee


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Never has having the title Dom or Domina turned a bad person into a suddenly honorable one. There are bad apples out there no matter what their title may be. People come into this lifestyle for their own reasons but it never changes who you are as a person to begin with. I am sorry you have had this experience, but as stated above, be glad you know sooner then later. You deserve better and you will find it. In the D/s lifestyle where trust is so essential, lying and deception should never be tolorated. Good luck to you.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/22/2005 12:13:04 AM   
wetrope


Posts: 117
Joined: 8/9/2004
From: GATINEAU, PQ
Status: offline 		Just so u know, not all dom's r the same, but honesty is the only policy, so dont hang around with this guy, u can do better. I find its always better to be honest, even if its bad news or not what a person wants to hear, because u can only build on trust of another, doesnt matter whether dom or sub or whatever.

_____________________________

Wetrope

(in reply to MissXtacee)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/22/2005 1:11:49 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Unfortunately, there are dishonest people out there. Lying about already having a relationship is common in my experience. It got to the point that I look for a "wedding ring tan" when I was meeting a sub for a first time. Even that doesn't always give it away. Be very grateful that you found out early.

I wasn't so lucky. I found out five months into a relationship with a sub. He lived an hour and 15 mins away, so he always came down here. The only phone number I had for him was his cell phone, but never felt the need to call him. We talked on msgr and saw each other weekly to biweekly.

Things changed when he asked me to go to Vegas with him for a weekend. It was a fun weekend up until it was time to go home.. as we were leaving the strip, he got a phone call. It was his live in girlfriend calling to tell him that his wife had sent some info pertaining to their upcoming divorce. (Cellphones are not an overly private way to talk in a car.. volume was very loud. I heard every word.) She thought he was in Las Vegas on business.

I was stunned. Not only was this man cheating on his wife with me, he was cheating on his girlfriend as well! Boggles the mind, doesn't it? After he got off the phone, we had a "discussion". Can you imagine driving from Las Vegas back to the pacific coast (that means between 5 to 6 hours in the car) with a very pissed off Dominant? I was very proud of myself for not killing him and leaving him in the desert for the coyotes to eat.

There had been no indications that he was involved. He never asked me to not call or to only call at certain times. He never had an issue with being marked. He was available at just about any time of the day or night that I wanted him. You can't always tell that the %#$*ing men are married or involved. Some of them are very good at lying. They have something they want, and feel no remorse at lying to get it. These people are users. You deserve much better.


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to daddysgirl1985)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/22/2005 10:49:35 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

dom gives her the impression that she is the only one in his life?


daddysgirl,
Only the underlined word puts a doubt in my mind. How did you get that impression?

It seems like a very basic yes/no question when you meet someone. Are you single and unattached? Any vacillation from a clear yes/no answer should not only trigger doubt but, unless you are interested in a poly home, cause you to move on to the next candidate.

Trust is the most important coin of the realm. If it's already spent at this basic question can you see yourself ever trusting him with your submission? He is bankrupt.

Hopefully you didn't waste much time.

One last qualifier, if this occurred on-line then it's to be expected.

(in reply to daddysgirl1985)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/22/2005 11:53:44 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Only the underlined word puts a doubt in my mind. How did you get that impression?
It seems like a very basic yes/no question when you meet someone.

It is a basic Yes/no question, but that doesn't save one from sociopaths who may be failry normal and available otherwise.

I've had a relationship with someone who answered "no I am free" when I asked him if he had a girlfriend or wife... I've also emailed back and forth with a guy who aproached telling me he was divorced, and when I investigated his call timing and behavior, he replied "you didn't ask if I was married", to which I replied "You sick fuck, if you tell me you're divorced, why do I need to ask if you're remarried?" lol....

Some days people really suck in a bad way...
Well it's not a huge deal being lied to because it happens frequently enough, except that these experiences are corosive to one's soul/innocence, but I guess this is where being fit to survive in the jungle comes in, and I think I am. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 3/30/2005 12:30:17 AM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/22/2005 12:48:26 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
I agree with Mercnbeth. Why was it your impression? Does this mean you asked and he lied? If that is the case, well then my only comment is:

Cheating Dom = Oxymoron

In my estimation, someone who cheats can't be dominant.

Don't get me wrong, I'm of a mind that a dominant can do as they please with regard to number of people in their life and in what capacity. But to lie or cheat in a relationship (of any definition)? That, to me, clearly makes the person not a dominant. Might be a top, might be quite skilled at being a top, might be commanding and have great charisma; but not a dominant.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to daddysgirl1985)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/22/2005 3:15:54 PM   
Gemeni


Posts: 255
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I think cheaters should be knocked out with a two by four, and then have a big "C" for CHEATER burned into thier foreheads with a soldering iron,so they don't get away with it again.

Tthen we could hear less bitching about it happening.

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/22/2005 6:31:24 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni
I think cheaters should be knocked out with a two by four, and then have a big "C" for CHEATER burned into thier foreheads with a soldering iron,so they don't get away with it again

Ouch, now here's someone who feels more strongly about cheating than I do. M
P.S. Agree with Suz, a cheater is not a Dominant.

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Gemeni)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/22/2005 9:31:23 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni

Personally, I think cheaters should be knocked out with a two by four, and then have a big "C" for CHEATER burned into thier foreheads with a soldering iron,so they don't get away with it again.

Tthen we could hear less bitching about it happening.


I recognize that level of intensity! Tell you what, I'll mark your ex if you'll mark mine :)

(in reply to Gemeni)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/24/2005 5:03:54 PM   
FLButtSlut


Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		As everyone has said, at least he was a PROSPECTIVE dom. Just to clarify for those who asked, she got the impression because that is what HE TOLD HER! (dishonest scum that he was). I have been there, and in fact have a warning on my profile to married men, although it never seems to stop them from writing anyway.

I don't know about you daddysgirl, but until such time as I find the right one for me, real life goes on, and in real life, I am not quite so submissive. When someone disrespects you with their dishonesty, don't feel that because you are submissive there is some protocol to how you respond to scum like that. You are completely free to let the jerk have it with both barrels (and a couple of blockbusters too if you choose).

(in reply to daddysgirl1985)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/24/2005 8:12:17 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Ending up as the other woman is not a nice place to be, tell him to go indesent things wit himself.

(in reply to FLButtSlut)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/29/2005 5:22:42 AM   
resademilo


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/27/2005
Status: offline 		I recently discovered my former dom (who wanted to be called Master) was living with a woman. I had asked him a year previous if he was married and he went on and on about how awful his divorce had been and yes he wasn't married. And he used the excuse of his 20+ year old son living with him as the reason he didn't want me ever to visit his home. Well we broke up cause i didnt trust him but listening to people with that "oh you have to trust people" crap i eventually got back with him. I figured i can't say he is invovled just on what little i knew. Well one day he let me come over, ushered me to the den which was nearly neutral in appearance and no pictures. Only i guess he thought i would not question all the female products in the guess bathroom. Well i asked him a few weeks later and yeap he reluctantly confessed he was living with a woman. No i'm sorry no i really didn't mean to use you. Nothing. and the biggest pisser was this guy actually had issues with former subs who left him for other Doms. I wrote him saying well i don't blame a sub for leaving a lying invovled man for a single Dom. ::eyeroll::

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/30/2005 8:00:35 AM   
indydomme


Posts: 27
Joined: 1/16/2005
From: Columbus, IN
Status: offline 		I agree here with BlkTallFullfig, wholeheartedly.

I would only like to add that cheating and lying, whether by a dominant or by a submissive, are still dishonerable, deplorable behaviors that should be dealt with swiftly. No one, and I do mean no one, should have to put up with that behavior from anyone.

Thanks. :)

Miss Erin

_____________________________

I'm not a bitch, I just know exactly what I want, and exactly what it takes to get there. Now, Bend Over.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: CHEATING DOM - 3/31/2005 12:18:02 AM   
Pet4Master


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline 		You know - a cheating Dom, sub, M/mate - doesn't truly value what they have and deserves to lose it. Real intimate interaction requires a deep trust and open communication. If you're not clear, or have an impression, ask the question. Be clear.

Maybe I'm just greedy - I don't share with anyone - and don't want to be shared either. I love giving and getting the undivided attention.

Hope you find peace.

p4M



(in reply to daddysgirl1985)
Profile   Post #: 16
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