YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (Full Version)

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MzMia -> YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/1/2007 7:57:54 PM)

I want to piggyback on Diane's thread about not being a real Domina.
I got a little irritated at my new potential tonight, and I told him, "You are not
a real submissive!"
LOL--chuckling to myself here.
Okay ladies, fess up---do you often say this to potential submissive's?
If you do say it, WHY?!
 



PsyVamp -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/1/2007 8:09:15 PM)

I say it when its all about the sex to them, they have their "do-me" list and don't even bother to read the profile

[sm=evil.gif]
Psy



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/1/2007 9:24:09 PM)

I say it when we have spent some time together doing things and it becomes clear that they really do not get their rocks off deferring to my judgement (clue: we are having our first power struggle!). 

Nothing wrong with wanting kinky sex. Nothing wrong with being a fetishist.  But many people are just confused what to label themselves (since we are all unique).



redwall2001962 -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/1/2007 9:39:19 PM)

True I do like to please my soon to be Mistress but when she is wrong she is wrong sorry
But I have found that in most casses it don't matter so just let it go



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/1/2007 10:19:51 PM)

lol....good point.  But if my sub points out that I am wrong, I graciously admit it.  Its his job to make sure I don't make dumb mistakes!

But if he just happens to disagree with me or is resisting me......thats when the rubber hits the road and the D/s fun begins :)



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/1/2007 10:58:06 PM)

No, I don't say it often, but I have said it a couple of times.  This occurred when the "submissive" wasn't the slightest bit interested in Me or what I wanted and presented Me with this long "do-me" list, and wanted to know if I was "Woman enough to handle him," LOL.  Like I'd want to!
 
Another one behaved like a perfect gentleman during our courtship and negotiations, then decided to get sassy with Me during our first scene.  I halted the scene, told him if he didn't want to submit, why was he here, and showed him the door.
 
Lady Topaz



canupleaseme -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/1/2007 11:39:57 PM)

I have questioned a submissive that stated he was submissive but wanted to tie me up and spank me !!!I asked if he was a switch [&:]



littlesarbonn -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 12:23:31 AM)

This charge has been waged at me before in the past. In my earlier years, I somewhat agreed with them because I was not very comfortable being the submissive that I actually am and figured they had to know more than I did. Now, it falls right off the back because I know what I am, and I'm quite sincere in what I am as well. If I don't meet the definition of someone else's view of submission, then if I'm truly interested in her, I will put forth the work to make sure that we're not in an semantics problem, but if that is not it, I will bow out and seek out someone who is more interested in me, what I stand for, and what I can do for her.



VeryMercurial -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 4:19:12 AM)

I say this to the majority of the men that I email on this site.
Lately, I just delete email from men on here I don't know.
So yes, I have said this phrase, a lot.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 5:42:21 AM)

I honestly can't remember is I've ever declared someone was "not a real submissive" but I do know that I've declared them a bottom only.

Master Fire



thetammyjo -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 5:58:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I honestly can't remember is I've ever declared someone was "not a real submissive" but I do know that I've declared them a bottom only.

Master Fire



Similar for me.

I've never said "You aren't X" but I have asked in a pointed fashion "Have you ever considered that you might really be a top or a bottom or that you just have fetish?"

I strongly believe that activities and interests in certain objects is not the same as a specific scene or sexual orientation. When we act as though they are the same and do not fully look at ourselves we risk taking on a label that harms our chances to find a successful relationship.



Vendaval -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 6:02:54 AM)

I told one guy that he was not a submissive, just a masochist
who liked to get beaten and then laid.



mstrjx -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 5:17:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

When it becomes clear that they really do not get their rocks off deferring to my judgement.



I would like to ask about this particularly.  To you, or any of the ladies.

If someone seems to have the right attitude, is not looking for their needs to be met (in the obvious way), and seems to dote on you and your needs and desires, BUT

--

does not physically seem to be 'getting their rocks off'.  In other words, whatever you do, he isn't getting an erection.  Seems to be enjoying himself, or not making any missteps in his submission, but not obviously excited.

How does he tip the scale on the 'real' or 'sincere' category then?

Jeff



WhiteRadiance -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 7:33:39 PM)

I do not think it is my place to decide who is "real" and who isn't.  All I know is what is right for ME. They are either connected mentally to me and we understand one another, or there is incompatibility.  Incompatibility does not mean they aren't real.
 
There are subs who I consider to be bottoms,as well as doms who I consider to be tops.
 
[If someone seems to have the right attitude, is not looking for their needs to be met (in the obvious way), and seems to dote on you and your needs and desires, BUT
does not physically seem to be 'getting their rocks off'.  In other words, whatever you do, he isn't getting an erection.  Seems to be enjoying himself, or not making any missteps in his submission, but not obviously excited.]


I think Jeff makes a valid point here.  If a (so-called) sub is enjoying the service and he is excited, erect, happy.. does this make him less genuine? 
I think if it doesn't work out- it is personality clash more often than one party being less than real. 
Perhaps this is why there are so many subs who can't find a "real" Domme?



LadyHugs -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 8:12:58 PM)

Dear MzMia, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my many encounters; I have not flat out said to anybody that they're not a real submissive.
 
Reasoning behind it, they may not fit my picture of being a submissive in my mind's eyes but, another might find them the 'cat's meow.'
 
I do tend to be gracious about my rejections and giving personal preferences to which are deal breakers.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



BeachMystress -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 8:14:12 PM)

I am very careful about telling someone they are or are not real. Because they don't match my definition of the word doesn't take away the fact that others may feel differently about the person. They may be the perfect sub for Mistress Snarf from Timbuktu. I tell people that they are not the type of sub I am seeking. If they press further, I elaborate their faults.



LadyHugs -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 8:19:09 PM)

Dear mstrjx, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In your post #13 Mr. Jeff, I would indeed be happy with someone as you described; who doted on me, right attitude, etc; to which their 'rocks' aren't experiencing a woody-- I would be blessed with a sincere and real slave.
 
I really go on the 'spirit of intent.'
 
Physical sexual release and care is always considered, as it is a part of him but--sadly, a lot of men who approach me, it is all about their sexual gratification and their menu/list of how they will do me, etc; as if I don't exist and or just 'enable' them to fulfill their greedy and self serving sex needs.  Again, a relationship is a partnership and in D/s the partnership is not equal in all things.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



Lashra -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 8:21:26 PM)

I say this when someone from CM contacts me thru the email here and wants to chat. I start to chat with them and immediately they call me Mistress and want to serve me . I try to tell them I am only looking for friends.  No dice they want to serve me right there and then!  I inform them they are not subsmissive but a HNG Looking for wanking material. I close the chat and use the block feature.

~Lashra



littlesarbonn -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 8:48:18 PM)

Hey, I'll be your friend with no strings attached. Or ropes. Or chains. Well, ropes would be cool. Come to think of it....

[:)]



MistressDolly -> RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! (3/2/2007 9:26:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I want to piggyback on Diane's thread about not being a real Domina.
I got a little irritated at my new potential tonight, and I told him, "You are not
a real submissive!"
LOL--chuckling to myself here.
Okay ladies, fess up---do you often say this to potential submissive's?
If you do say it, WHY?!
 


Don't say it often. 

Inconsistency



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