Does age equal experience? (Full Version)

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Shylahgirl -> Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 1:32:04 PM)

Does age equal experience?  

Speaking as someone who is 20 years old and entered the BDSM community at 18 I was wondering why people think that because of my young age they automatically have to know more about the lifestyle then me.  

I’m not saying that I know everything there is to know, far from it. But I’ve been talked down to by people in the lifestyle simply because of my age, they don't take the time to really talk to me at all… then they see me play and are forced to eat their words.  (this happens with both tops and bottems)

When someone meets me for the first time, usually they assume I’m 23 or 24 years old, and are shocked when I tell them my age.

This isn’t because I look older.  

So, yea, do you think age means experience?  

Why?

  Shylah



JohnWarren -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 1:38:12 PM)

Age can equal experience WITH A SPECIFIC DOM OR GROUP OF DOMS.  

Having had a successful situation (or an unsuccessful one) doesn't mean what you've learned in that situation will transfer to the next one.

Remember, your job as a submissive is to please your dominant.  It may help that you've learned to please one or it may be a case of "negative transfer of training."  One of the worst relationship I ever had was with an "experienced" submissive who kept insisting on  plopping down in to weird positions every time I entered the room and walking six paces behind me.... have you ever tried to TALK with someone six paces behind you??

The bottom line is don't worry about your age or your experience.  Just try to find a dominant you'll be happy making happy.



Padriag -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 1:39:29 PM)

No

Experience equals experience.

Think of it this way, someone who has been in the military 20 years but never been in combat can be said to have less combat experience than someone who has only been in the military 1 year and seen 6 months of combat.

Experience is, generally speaking, learning by doing.  So far as that is concerned I would weigh more heavily how long someone has been doing something than how old they are.

However, and this relates to your question as well, there is also much to be said for general life experience.  Someone 40 years old has more general life experience than you do.  This also often enters into people's estimations.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 1:46:02 PM)

Reposted:

Age matters as much as it matters to you.

On many levels, age doesn't really mean much when it comes to the individual.  There really are lots of mature, ready, and open younger people who fit in very well with mature, ready and open older people.

That being said, one's age IS something of an indicator about them- the culture you grow up in is a HUGE influence on your interests and perspectives, the politics, diseases, education style, music, fashion, art, books, they all get experienced in different ways in different times at different ages.

That's not a killjoy- I amaze people all the time by bringing up movie and song trivia from decades before I was born (my mother raised me right).  And for someone older who ENJOYS discovering new things, a younger person is perfect as a gateway into the next generation of cultural discoveries.

As well there IS something to be said for the stability of the old.  Younger people have to go through life stages- finding yourself, job, family, establishing yourself as an adult (a process which is much farther extended than in previous generations, again not a bad thing necessarily).  They often don't have the same problems and responsibilities as older people- ex's, kids, health care, etc.  There's an element of rapid change and instability in being with someone younger.

Finally, none of these has to matter to any great degree at all.  We ARE all still people and May'December relationships are a LOT more common than people believe, and they can work out just great.  It's not all just older men in mid-life crisis and younger women sponging.  We each individually have our own histories, quirks, problems, perspectives and joys.  Age won't take that away and it doesn't make it impossible for a relationship to work.

As long as you keep everything in perspective, and really examine things, as long as you can use the strengths that you have together and become a cohsive unit- then age can be just another part of the person, something you sometimes love and something you sometimes can't stand.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_607651/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#608245
Age

http://www.collarchat.com/m_550824/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#550893
Does age matter in a sub?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_441624/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#441638
Does age make experience?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_389399/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#389616
Age since weight is being done

http://www.collarchat.com/m_366036/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#366124
Should age matter for a sub?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_336445/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#336457
Yes another ? about age

http://www.collarchat.com/m_325491/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#325694
Does age difference matter?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_290637/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#291554
What is the oldest dom you would consider?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_220984/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#220997
What is it with girls having masters double their ages?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_209024/mpage_3/key_age/tm.htm#212527
Does age matter? (2)



GeekyGirl -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 1:49:23 PM)

I think age matters to an extent. I simply cannot fathom playing with someone under 25. Just can't do it. The guy I'm talking to now is about to be 27. That's the youngest I've gone for and it is making me nervous as hell. However, from talking to him, I think he's probably more mature and experienced than men I have met who are much older.



sugarcandy -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 1:51:30 PM)

Dear Shy

Thanks, very good question! I know from my own experience ( no... I am not really that old!)
that many people enter into SM at diffferent ages. Might have had fantasies, but didn't know reality could be: so lovely, credible and right at our fingertips ;)

We may have had plenty of vanilla relationships, sexual, and life experience.... but little or no BDSM experience.
Then, BDSM is a whole 'nother ball game! Back to kindergarden?

IMHO, sugar
PS I envy you  <smile>  for having early access to the internet. When I was 18 : there were only the rough leather bars down by the docks!

  




agirl -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 1:52:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

Does age equal experience?  

Speaking as someone who is 20 years old and entered the BDSM community at 18 I was wondering why people think that because of my young age they automatically have to know more about the lifestyle then me.  

I’m not saying that I know everything there is to know, far from it. But I’ve been talked down to by people in the lifestyle simply because of my age, they don't take the time to really talk to me at all… then they see me play and are forced to eat their words.  (this happens with both tops and bottems)

When someone meets me for the first time, usually they assume I’m 23 or 24 years old, and are shocked when I tell them my age.

This isn’t because I look older.  

So, yea, do you think age means experience?  

Why?

  Shylah


That depends entirely on what experience you're referring to.

From your post I would sumise that you're more experienced than I am, in that no-one has ever, ever *watched me play*.

Age certainly does bring experience......but not in everything.

I could TELL my sprogs that I am a more experienced parent than they are and belittle them in the process because they're young.........but I don't need to, they KNOW I'm more experienced and look to me . At the same time, they have taught me things too, simply by their *newness*.

I'm not sure why *playing* is proof of experience, though.

agirl



cjenny -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 1:56:50 PM)

IMO
It matters only in that the longer a person lives, the more life experiences they tend to garner.



thetammyjo -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 1:57:40 PM)

Does age = experience?

No.

Age = more opportunties for experience.

Whether or not you have taken advance of those years is a very different matter.

Not all experiences weigh equally (in my not too humble opinion).




MsKatHouston -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 2:10:52 PM)

Well, I do sort of think age equals experience.  But the more important questions are, what type of experience and what was learned from them. 

quote:

Whether or not you have taken advance of those years is a very different matter.

Not all experiences weigh equally (in my not too humble opinion).


I agree completely.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 2:27:42 PM)

Age doesn't equate BDSM experience for those who are older. It can for those who are younger, but not always. Age, however, does equate to life experience. This doesn't meant that they've dealt with it well, however. Take each person as they come.

Master Fire



azzmaster -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 2:29:51 PM)

alldepends on when u start n how active u r. what i notice about bein older now is that all those older people who i thought were wack cause they thought they had more experience than me were right, LOL



stef -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 3:02:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

Does age equal experience?

Not hardly.  A quick glance in the forums will poke enough holes in that ship to sink it in a heartbeat.

Age facilitates experience, but in no way does it equal experience.

~stef



boltaction -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 3:13:15 PM)

As someone who is young and new, I go to parties and munches to learn more about the lifestyle. I also ask lots of questions and engage as much as I can. There is no such thing as someone who was born to know how to do things, they learned it from someone else.

So yes I am young and yes I am inexperienced. Does that mean I can't be as much fun as other people? Probably not!



juliaoceania -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 3:31:22 PM)

quote:

Does age equal experience?  

 
It equals more opportunity for experience in life in general, but it does not automatically follow that someone older will be wiser.

quote:

Speaking as someone who is 20 years old and entered the BDSM community at 18 I was wondering why people think that because of my young age they automatically have to know more about the lifestyle then me.  

I’m not saying that I know everything there is to know, far from it. But I’ve been talked down to by people in the lifestyle simply because of my age, they don't take the time to really talk to me at all… then they see me play and are forced to eat their words.  (this happens with both tops and bottems)


I am sure there are some older people that treat you like that, but there are probably older people that do not treat you like that too. I would ask, which are you focusing on... those who treat you as though you have something valuable to offer or those who treat you as an inferior.

quote:

When someone meets me for the first time, usually they assume I’m 23 or 24 years old, and are shocked when I tell them my age.

This isn’t because I look older.

One of the people I bonded with the most in college was 19. It surprised me when she told me her age because she truly was a head above the rest in every possible way. I admired her greatly and I know she will go on to do miraculous things. I do not generalize people based upon their age. On this site there is a young lady named Caitlyn.. she rocks intellectually and she seems pretty straight headed too.

I will say this though, I do think experience in life counts for a lot, and that if we try to learn from life that does show as we get older. There are just some things that one has to experience to really know what it is all about emotionally speaking. One example is parenthood. Now not all older people are wiser people, not all people grow at the same rate, and some people never grow. But generally, there are some things that we get as we age. There should be an up side to aging, right?

Now as far as the lifestyle is concerned, I am not that concerned about how much experience someone has in the "lifestyle", it is more important that they have experience in "life"... some of us get that at younger ages than others do... some people never "get it"at all.



mstrjx -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 5:30:59 PM)

I didn't see this word up until now, so I will throw this out.

I don't necessarily see 'age' as being a factor, but I do feel that 'maturity' can be a factor.

I have heard it said that, for male dominants (for example), that they reach their maturity such that these types of relationships are best for them after they reach 30.  By sheer coincidence, I was 30 when I ceased vanilla relationships.  Could I have been ready earlier?  I don't see any reason why not, as I was always a little ahead of the maturity curve.

Certainly it can be said that when younger posters here commiserate on their situations, or that they don't get taken seriously, their age is often a factor.  But I don't think it's the number.  I think it's the 'average' maturity level that comes with being 'that number'.

Remember, some people here wish to be slaves.  For life, or as near enough as possible.  When can one truly say that they have thought of all possibilities or have (dare I say it) the maturity to KNOW that that is what they need to be in life?  Again, I'm not being judgemental, but for everyone it isn't 18 or 19 or 20 (or 25 or 26, for that matter).

Jeff



Archer -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 7:24:35 PM)

There is a second item that can be taken into account as well though.
What took me 10 years to learn starting in the mid 90's might only take someone like me 5 years to learn now, based on the idea that information is more available today than it was then.

Age certainly is A factor in experience. But as with any equation unless all other things are equal a difference in it does not nessisarily account for the change in result.
General maturity, Experience, learning ability, availability of teachers and or study materials, number of years spent studying/learning all have a big influence in the ability one has at any given moment.
So unless you change only the age factor the result is far from guaranteed that experience will be prpotionatly different.





darkmorgan -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 7:39:07 PM)

Well just like maturity age really does not mater.  It depends on the person, someone young can have experience and someone old can be lacking.  One should look beyond age and see who a person really is.
-M-



LadyHugs -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 8:00:53 PM)

Dear Shylahgirl, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Age is mileage on the human chassis.  Age does not secure that chassis and or mind has what it takes to be safe, sane, civil, a match/a mate, qualified in any role and or having 'standing' in the scene/lifestyle.
 
In my mind's eyes though--I dislike seeing people create a competition out of the lifestyle/scene.  To 'beat' someone as to degrade, humiliate and or prove superiority is something that 'dogs' per se those who are not mature or secure.  In my mind's eyes younger citizens of the scene and or lifestyle haven't grasped that fully.  In my mind's eyes, this is where those who have age and life's journeys to bank on grasp--independent of age and or time in the lifestyle and or scene.
 
Unfortunately, not one person is exposed to uniformity of life's lessons and or scene/lifestyle's lessons.  Some have been blessed and some have not.  But, what should be the focus--is the quality of what is brought to the community, lifestyle and or scene.  It is fact, that a good many individuals bring things from life's experiences outside the scene/lifestyle into the BDSM, S&M, M/s and or D/s.  It is surprising how much cross-overs happen.
 
I have witnessed many a aged person, in their 50's claim a bunch of experiences however, they couldn't match their words with practical application.  Those who are late bloomers are often mistakenly given 'time in the scene' due to the assumption assocated with human age.  Some have taken advantage of others because of it.  And, I have come to know those who are late bloomers, given a lot of mean, cruel and nasty treatment by younger aged individuals--absolutely unnecessary and shows how child like and 'catty' young in life individuals can be.  So--yes, there are gaps in the generations.
 
There will be many times, many circumstances where individuals speak from assumptions, bias and or prejudices, using personal standards to measure against what is witnessed and or experienced.  I wish I had a penny for each time I had someone disrespect me, trash my reputation and other negative behaviors--only to be shown how really wrong they had been.  That said, I am not about proving others wrong, the rumors, the reputation wreckers and those who are niave, ignorant, insecure and have a problem.  I prefer to take they higher ground and just keep doing what I know is right/correct; with as much dignity, grace and be a good citizen of the lifestyle community.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Does age equal experience? (3/2/2007 8:27:59 PM)

Age does not equal experience!  Experience itself is what counts.  There are still things I want to experience more of, or have yet to experience.  Do I have Experience yes, but am I experienced in all things... Hell no!!  But if opportunity presents itself.. I will seek out the experience for the experience.

I'm certain you've experienced a lot of things in two years.  Your experiences and your path are different than mine.  Does this make you any lesser... Hell no! Not in my book... because you are different...

If somebody is stuck within themselves to see or understand this, then it's probally better you don't have any experiences with them! LOL...





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