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for a master to have limits? - 1/29/2004 9:57:06 AM

westside

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Is it ok for a master to have limits? Many subs want diffrent things -- often more -- than the master is willing to particiapte in.

Wes

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 1/29/2004 10:15:49 AM

EStrict

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I see limits as three things. Something illegal neither want to risk, something physical that can't be done, or the most common one, something that just isn't desired. All human's have things they don't desire, so why wouldn't dominants have things that they call a limit?

Sandy

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 1/29/2004 1:31:23 PM

Erusvi

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I'd dare say that a master not knowing and enforcing their limits is as dangerous as a submissive not doing the same. In some regards, I'd say it was far more dangerous.

Experiment and push yourself to new levels, yes. But know your limits. Proceed with caution. Use your head. If that's not common sense, it certainly should be.

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 1/29/2004 4:45:24 PM

Estring

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I agree that a Master does and should have limits. It is funny, I knew a sub once who was totally frustrated with her Master because she wanted harder pain than he was capable of giving. No matter how much he tried he couldn't hurt her enough. It just wasn't in him. Usually you would think of that situation being reversed, but it goes both ways.

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 1/29/2004 5:16:25 PM

SirDaniel

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I disagree with one thing that was said

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring I agree that a Master does and should have limits.

have limits. Why should he have them? I do agree that MOST if not all Masters have some limits. Mine is Snuff or death or any othe way of causing the life of my slave to be snuffed out. That is one of my linits, but trust me I know people that it is NOT a limit of theirs. And to each their own untill they decide to act on it with some one that does not condone it.

Now when it come to causing pain I DO agree that we do nto ALL have the same limits. Now if this slave found a Master that pleased her in all ways but that she needs to reconcider what HER priorities are.

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 1/29/2004 5:52:31 PM

MizSuz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I agree that a Master does and should have limits.

I'm in agreement with Estring & Erusvi. I won't say that someone 'should' have limits but I agree that someone (regardless of which end of the whip they're on) that claims to have no limits probably hasn't done the soul searching that seems to me to be minimally required of responsible participation in the venue.

quote:

It is funny, I knew a sub once who was totally frustrated with her Master because she wanted harder pain than he was capable of giving. No matter how much he tried he couldn't hurt her enough. It just wasn't in him. Usually you would think of that situation being reversed, but it goes both ways.

I got a little chuckle out of this (although I can appreciate the difficulty this sort of thing can present in a relationship). I wish I had a dollar for every time a fem sub has said to me "I adore him but I wish he would push me harder when we play." No insult or gross generalization meant here, simply that I have heard that, or the like, often enough to take note.

Fortunately, one of the biggest wonders (to me) in this venue is that you and your partner get to make the rules. I firmly believe that if you have the ability to clearly see that a relationship is not going to work as one thing and then readjust your commitments to allow it to become something else then you will be able to go through life with many deep and lasting relationships. People in this situation could turn it into something incredible or horrible.

My vote goes to incredible.

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 1/30/2004 1:09:37 AM

Voltare

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limits? Yup. I sure do. Even if I played casually, I wouldn't do something I'm comfortable doing. Just because I don't 'care' to do an activity, doesn't mean I won't try it, if I think it's safe. New territory really should be discussed.

Stephan

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 1/30/2004 10:33:17 AM

nortons

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I have limits in my everyday life and certainly in my bdsm life. In everyday life I won't lie about me and I won't permit anyone to insult me with the intent of hurting.

IN BDSM it's the same. I won't do scat, brown showers, animals, share my partner, or anything that leaves a permanent mark. I won't do anything that causes emotional harm to my sub. These are the things I know about but the world keeps surprising me by coming up with new stuff that I don't like.

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 2/26/2004 4:25:08 AM

BondageMstr

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I feel that the one thing a slave needs to know is that her Master takes HIS responsibility for her welfare and safty VERY seriously and would never put her in danger or use her the wrong way. He needs to be in charge but also make the decisions in HER life that will be benificial to HER as a slave and person. When a slave surrebders all she is and ever will be to her Master it is a transfer or power but she also is DELAGATING him to be the one in charge of her and make better decisions about her life than SHE could make for herself so the Master MUST be the one to set the right limits and make sure she is safe, even from HIM and even herself, when she wants to try something the master is not able to control totally or does not have enough experience in to be safe.
Personally, I feel it is the duty of the master in control to be setting ALL the limits in such a realtionship as long as he does so sanely, safely and with HER value to him in mind.

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 2/26/2004 8:15:14 AM

ShadowHwk

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quote:

ORIGINAL: westside
Is it ok for a master to have limits? Many subs want diffrent things -- often more -- than the master is willing to particiapte in.

All Master's and Mistresses have limits. They may think they don’t because they haven’t reached them… but one day they will – and let me tell you that is an eye opener. And as MizSuz stated, anyone that claims to not have limits probably hasn’t not done enough soul searching and introspection to play safely in this venue.

Communication is the key. When that breaks down things get confusing. Talk to your partner. Express your needs and wants. As a Master/Mistress don’t be afraid to push your limits, but don’t break them – down that path lies disaster. If your partner needs/wants more than you can give…then consider finding another outlet for those needs. When a Master/Mistress falls in love (Gasp! Did I just say that?) with a sub/slave they sometimes make the mistake of caring too much. To love is divine, but it should not make you weak.

I’ve heard many claim “no limits” – but I’ve yet to see those take a slaves arm in hand and break it. The sound of bones breaking is not something most can stomach. Some say their only limit is in causing an action that would result in the death of their partner – to those I can only say… “hope you enjoy your stay in the local penitentiary.” Too many visits to the local hospital will soon have the local constabulary knocking on your door. And trust me, here in the US, no slave contract will protect you from that kind of encounter.

Terry
AKA ShadowHwk

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 2/26/2004 8:31:28 AM

ZenMaster

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I have three rules regarding limits:
1 - Don't do anything which will put you in the hospital
2 - Don't do anything which will put you in jail
3 - Don't do anything which will put you in the grave

I think that pretty much sums it up as far as limits go.

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 2/27/2004 6:09:07 AM

JerryInTampa

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I find the concept both correct and humerous at the same time. In a D/s exchange (as opposed to perhaps a BDSM exchange), we do the things I choose to do. Of course, as in any successful relationship, I'm trying to accomidate the needs of everyone, but that's not really my point.

A sub has things she will or will not want to do. She also has limits, things which are "off the table" as unacceptable. While there are things I will never do, the fact that "I'm in charge" makes the concept of codifying them as "limits" give me something of a chuckle.

If I'm not into (for example) scat; I don't need to call scat a limit, I can just say "we won't be doing that".

But I really am diverging. Should a Dom/Master have an internal compass of things that he will not do regardless of the sub? Yes, he should.

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RE: for a master to have limits? - 2/27/2004 7:33:36 PM

LrdSatyr8

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I feel that if a Master doesn't know themselves and their own limits they have no right to try and control another. I once knew a D/s couple who had been together for awhile and one time he disregarded her safeword while in a session... He had gone into Domspace (similiar to subspace, only the dom gets high on endorphines)... well after that event, she couldn't trust him anymore... he didn't know his own limits. He ended up hurting her without realizing it and they eventually split up soon after. Everyone has limits... it's what makes us human.

-=> Master Satyr! <=-

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