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NOT "Pun-ny"... - 3/28/2005 12:56:15 PM

Mercnbeth

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I hate these things, which is the reason why my "certified" sadistic friend from NYC sent them to me. As a sadist, I'm reposting them here, hoping that you hate them too. Vote for your favorite if you like. I've noted mine.

* A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

* Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam"!

* Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. (HATE THIS ONE THE MOST!)

* Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

* Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

* A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

* A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." (Okay this was a little funny.)

* These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

* Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad)
..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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RE: NOT "Pun-ny"... - 3/28/2005 1:00:16 PM

siamsa24

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I am one of those "strange little birds" (to quote my mother) that loves puns. Thanks for the laughs

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RE: NOT "Pun-ny"... - 3/28/2005 1:17:28 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
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So E and I are picking up our Chinese take-out and, no kidding, we made up this groaner on the spot:

Worker 1: Did you hear that Billy Wong and Suzy Wong are getting a divorce?
Worker 2: No way! Didn't they just have a baby?
Worker 1: Well, that seems to be the problem. The baby is fair-skinned, round-eyed, and blonde. And you know what they say...two Wongs don't make a white.

Taggard

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RE: NOT "Pun-ny"... - 3/28/2005 1:27:19 PM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

So E and I are picking up our Chinese take-out and, no kidding, we made up this groaner on the spot:

Worker 1: Did you hear that Billy Wong and Suzy Wong are getting a divorce?
Worker 2: No way! Didn't they just have a baby?
Worker 1: Well, that seems to be the problem. The baby is fair-skinned, round-eyed, and blonde. And you know what they say...two Wongs don't make a white.

Taggard

If that's the conversation I can expect, I take back that Vegas get together for a Thursday night drink.

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RE: NOT "Pun-ny"... - 3/28/2005 4:34:38 PM

sissymaidlola

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Joined: 3/27/2004
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quote:

Vote for your favorite if you like. I've noted mine.

So how are we meant to vote, Merc ? Perhaps if You added a poll to the post we could do exactly that, and You would have excruciating proof of which of those puns is most popular ... Go for it, Merc! In the mean time, Ya gotta like the Mahatma Gandhi / Mary Poppins one! <snorts>

Respectfrilly Yours,

sissy maid lola

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RE: NOT "Pun-ny"... - 3/28/2005 4:48:36 PM

Mercnbeth

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lola,
Intended for people just to comment on the one(s) they liked best, as you did. I don't think there will be enough interest to bother with a formal poll.

And yes, the Gandhi one did generate a grunt. I give credit for the thought process.

Thanks for your comments.

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RE: NOT "Pun-ny"... - 3/28/2005 6:30:39 PM

sanita

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ok.... i just had to share this one, in case you want to add it to the list of painful ones. i kinda figured that it would be better to add to this thread than to PUNish more people with a whole new thread. *wince*

Three older native american ladies are sitting in a communal area, on individual hides. they are taking care of some of their daily duties, and chatting about their families. The Indian woman on the buffalo hide speaks of her son, of whom she is very proud. She mentions that he is 5'10", and weighs 130 lbs, and is a skilled hunter.

The second woman, on the bear skin then speaks of her son, who is 6', 145 lbs, and an incredible healer.

The third woman, who sits on a hippo hide, listens to her friends, and nods. She then proudly boasts of her son, the future chief, who is 6'4", 275 lbs, and is unbeatable in all the tribal contests.

What is the lesson?

ok...

"The son of the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides."

---------------------------------------

*ducking and running*

my first Trainer... an engineer... my introduction to BDSM... the first time He ever mentioned spanking me was after i told that one. goodness, did that get the ball rolling!

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RE: NOT "Pun-ny"... - 3/28/2005 6:34:03 PM

siamsa24

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ROFLMAO!!!! Oh my god, I am actually crying (not kidding), that's great

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