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Poly Poly Poly - 3/28/2005 9:02:17 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
Hi, new to this board and really hoping to learn about the "poly" mentatility and all the ins and outs of it. So i pretty much know squat, but am OPEN to the thoughts of others and their explanations. i havent really any feelings on it. i have curiousity. So forgive any silly or not so intelligent questions. As i tend to ask a million questions as to be able to figure it out.

So far i pretty much know the difference between poly and swinging. NOT the excat definition, but the general idea.

My problem is, i JUST dont understand it. i am hoping i can come here, figure it out and understand it better. The reason behind it is, Master is poly. Plus i love to "understand" different things. Master also loves me, which really does my head in trying to figure out how my own own ideas of love and being with others work.

How do you love some one and want to be with others?
For me, its a major mental step to try and be with another man. i cant even think of other men in a sexual way. So i dont understand how love and poly go together. Do you just love people differently?

i've done some reading and know that the "primary" relationship needs to be stable before you can introduce a 3rd.

But i dont understand that if your primary relationship is perfectly A ok and stable, why do you need some one else? Shouldnt your needs be fullfilled with the person you are with? Whats the purpose of the other partners? How do you form a life long commitment with several partners?

Whats it like to live in a poly household? How do you keep those "negative" emotions from coming out? How's everything organized and such?

Does the primary relationship Marry and if they do, doesnt the other members get the short end of the stick? Whats the financially security of the other partners if you all live to gether? Whats the emotional security? Is everyone equal? Does the primary relationship take a priority or is there some understanding from 3rd partner about how things go? i mean really, whats the dynamics like?

Whats the whole thinking behind poly? How do you do it? Whats the thinking behind it? Whats the feeling behind it?

Personally i think that "poly" people must be very secure people. How do you get to be one of those "secure" people?

Master is poly and wants to eventually add a 3rd person to us, as soon as i can get my head around the whole poly thing. i suppose. He's held off so far as to my concerns with it. When is a good time to add a 3rd person? How do the dynamics change? Whats that like? Does it change or alter the first relationship? i know its supposed to be an enhancement in a way, but how do you go about making sure its an enhancement?

Master wants a 3rd, another sub/slave. Yet i dont think he could share me with another man. Whats that all about? Isnt that sort of like.. i cant deal with it but you have to?

To me in "vanilla" life when one loves another they truely do not enjoy "sharing". i've seen couples try it and fail. As usually the one that is sharing cant manage. How do i re adjust my view on "if they love you they wont want to share" to the poly view?

How do you view relatinships, in the poly way?

Whats the difference between polyamorous and polyandry?

i suppose, i just do not comphrend the poly way. Though i would love too, even if i find out it isnt for me. i still would like to understand the thinking, the mentality and the way of life. i do think that a mono person and a poly person "view" or "think" of things differently. i know i think in a mono way, but would love to be able to see how other poly people think.

Basically i do not understand, but would like to. Any one care to share and clue me in?

Thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 3/29/2005 1:25:12 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Whats the difference between polyamorous and polyandry?


I'll answer the easy one first....... lmao

polyamorous... the practice of having more then one mate at one time.

polyandry... the practice of having more then one husband at one time.

ROTFLMMFAO... ok, so I asked for it RiotGirl.... I swear I'll get to the other questions as soon as I get fully awake.... hell, it's only 4:30 in the morning, the alarm hasn't even gone off yet....

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 3/29/2005 3:01:16 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Master wants a 3rd, another sub/slave. Yet i dont think he could share me with another man. Whats that all about? Isnt that sort of like.. i cant deal with it but you have to?


He is not poly...he is piggy

_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Poly Poly Poly - 3/29/2005 4:13:34 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

How do you love some one and want to be with others?
For me, its a major mental step to try and be with another man. i cant even think of other men in a sexual way. So i dont understand how love and poly go together. Do you just love people differently?


I think in a way that the love you share is one of the main reasons to want to share. In my opinion we, as humans, are capable of loving so many different people in so many different ways that if we were to allow ourselves to be comfortable with it, the poly lifestyle is a really wonderful way to express it. For Us, Scooter and I, we define it as a series of "bubbles"... everyone has their own "bubble"... it's the space around you that is all yours.. then when you become part of a one on one relationship you redefine that space and it becomes two individual "bubbles" enveloped in one encompassing "bubble" that defined your space as a couple. In a poly relationship you are simply adding another set of bubbles... so to speak. The third individual comes with their own and is then wrapped in another even larger bubble that joins all together. I know this probably doesn't make a lot of sense at first....

quote:

i've done some reading and know that the "primary" relationship needs to be stable before you can introduce a 3rd.

But i dont understand that if your primary relationship is perfectly A ok and stable, why do you need some one else? Shouldnt your needs be fullfilled with the person you are with? Whats the purpose of the other partners? How do you form a life long commitment with several partners?


Once again I go back to the "bubble".... It is most important that the primary relationship be strong and secure, that the main bubble be a solid one. The other question I have to answer with a question of my own... Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to world to not only know it, but experience it too?? Have you ever found yourself saying something like "wow, this is so amazing, this feels so great, I wish others could feel it too"? That's what it's like for Us. We love each other so much, we are so totally and completely devoted to the happiness of each other that we feel it is not only ok, but it's the perfect thing to do. To share this love with others, to expand our "family" with others.

quote:

Whats it like to live in a poly household? How do you keep those "negative" emotions from coming out? How's everything organized and such?


Again, this is just Us, ok? But for us it is no different then living in a large family environment with the exception of the sexual interactions. And we keep the "negative" emotions in check by using constant open and honest communication, journaling and that sort of thing. Everything is organized the same way it would be in a large family, each person has their own tasks and/or chores, we don't allow them to share or swap chores anymore, we tried that and when the particular chore wasn't done up to standard we didn't know for sure who it was that didn't do it right and were concerned about punishing the wrong person.

quote:

Does the primary relationship Marry and if they do, doesnt the other members get the short end of the stick? Whats the financially security of the other partners if you all live to gether? Whats the emotional security? Is everyone equal? Does the primary relationship take a priority or is there some understanding from 3rd partner about how things go? i mean really, whats the dynamics like?


Scooter and I are married, and we are both Dominant, and I don't see the submissives as getting the short end of the stick. None/neither of our submissives are required to have jobs, they work in the house, any of their bills or debts become ours instead, as far as long term is concerned, it is in our wills that they will be taken care of should something happen to us, my daughter is aware of this and understands that the responsibility will fall to her as our executor. Emotionally, no, no one here gets the "short end of the stick", We are well aware of their emotional needs and see to them constantly. It is very important to Us that we make them aware at all times that they are loved and needed here. Yes, the primary relationship takes priority, it has too otherwise it just wouldn't work. We always make it very clear that no one and nothing will ever come between Us, our love, devotion and commitment to each other is paramount and yes, the submissives know this.

quote:

Whats the whole thinking behind poly? How do you do it? Whats the thinking behind it? Whats the feeling behind it?

Personally i think that "poly" people must be very secure people. How do you get to be one of those "secure" people?


I have to agree, you MUST be extremely secure before entering into a poly relationship, it will challenge your ability to control your feelings of insecurity and jealousy in ways that most didn't know existed.

I can't claim to fully understand the dynamics of most poly households. As I said, Scooter and I are both Dominants and see a poly relationship as an answer to many difficulties we would otherwise face. There are just simply things that a Dominant can only enjoy with a submissive. And as much as I love Scooter there are just things that I cannot do, one of them being submit. I just don't have it in me, and would in no way be comfortable in "faking" it even for him. The same thing holds true for him, I could never be comfortable asking him to submit to me. I'm afraid that's one opinion someone else is going to have to offer you.

quote:

Master is poly and wants to eventually add a 3rd person to us, as soon as i can get my head around the whole poly thing. i suppose. He's held off so far as to my concerns with it. When is a good time to add a 3rd person? How do the dynamics change? Whats that like? Does it change or alter the first relationship? i know its supposed to be an enhancement in a way, but how do you go about making sure its an enhancement?


Personally I think that is extremely admirable of Him, He understands that it's something that you are not comfortable with and respects that. In that same light, I think you are wonderful for trying so hard to understand His needs as well.

I don't know that there is a "good" time to add another to your family, it's a personal choice that the two of you have to decide on. Daily life changes and alters any healthy relationship, it grows and matures... how does poly fit in? Well, as I said before, it's just like adding a family member. Yes, things will change, the work load of the first submissive will lighten, but then again, so will the amount of one on one time with the Dominant. As tough as it appears to be on the submissive it is equally hard, if not harder on the Dominant, it is their responsibility to see to it that neither/none of the submissive are slighted. I would suggest that you do a little daydreaming RiotGirl, picture scenerios in your head that would involve another female submissive... do it with an open mind though, think about the things you could do together, both in domestic chores and in pleasing your Master, analyze your feelings about that scenerio and discuss them with Him. If he is experienced in a poly relationship he would be able to help you to understand your feelings. On the other hand, if he isn't experienced in poly, the two of you should learn about it together, it isn't easy at all.

quote:

Master wants a 3rd, another sub/slave. Yet i dont think he could share me with another man. Whats that all about? Isnt that sort of like.. i cant deal with it but you have to?


What an interesting thought... one I'm sure many have felt but haven't put into words. Once again, as I said, we have one male and one female, so that isn't something I could comment on but would love to see some others respond to it.

quote:

To me in "vanilla" life when one loves another they truely do not enjoy "sharing". i've seen couples try it and fail. As usually the one that is sharing cant manage. How do i re adjust my view on "if they love you they wont want to share" to the poly view?


It's like I've said all along, it's all just training... Society has trained us to feel a certain way, believe a certain way and behave a certain way... My question is this... If we can over come the "training" that society has forced on us well enough to embrace this lifestyle, if we can over come the negative societal view of wiitwd, why stop there? Why see only a monogamous yet kinky lifestyle as the "be all, end all" of what we love so much? So long as it is between consenting, responsible adults, so long as no one is getting hurt or harmed, so long as there are no "victims", I see nothing wrong with poly. I embrace it, I live it, and I love it.

Of course, I'm one of those people that doesn't see anything wrong with having two loveseats instead of a sofa and loveseat.... I don't march to a different drummer, I dance to it.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 3/29/2005 4:14:57 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

He is not poly...he is piggy


Because he wishes to add a third person to their family??? I'm guessing you misread what she was saying.

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 3/29/2005 5:51:10 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
How do you love some one and want to be with others?
For me, its a major mental step to try and be with another man. i cant even think of other men in a sexual way. So i dont understand how love and poly go together. Do you just love people differently?

It is like being a heterosexual and asking a homosexual how they can love people of their sex. I think we love everyone "differently" in that we love each person uniquely and individually, but it is intimate and real personal love for all.

One way to think of it is as a mother for her children- she loves them all, there is no pie that, once given away, can no longer be given. There's always room for more.

Another way to think of it is this- you have probably been in love more than once in your lifetime. Now, imagine them overlapping.

Or you may never "understand it." I personally don't understand how people are happy without masturbating or with only one lifelong partner. But I know they are, and it's ok.
quote:


But i dont understand that if your primary relationship is perfectly A ok and stable, why do you need some one else? Shouldnt your needs be fullfilled with the person you are with? Whats the purpose of the other partners? How do you form a life long commitment with several partners?

All I can say here is that "it is how I am oriented and always have been." It's not about the Owner not being able to fulfill me or me not being able to fulfill him. I don't expect love to be a "pie" that, once exchanged, should make us perfectly happy. This is a living, breathing, dynamic and it grows. Even monogamous people need friends and family, they need more than just that one person to be have a full experience of themselves. We just extend that to personal partners as well.

How do you form a life long commitment with several partners? The same way you do with one.
quote:


Whats it like to live in a poly household?

BUSY! And normal, and fun.
quote:

How do you keep those "negative" emotions from coming out? How's everything organized and such?

The same way you do in monogamous relationships. You don't keep negative emotions from coming out, how silly! You let them out, you understand them, you express them in a healthy adult way, and you understand that everyone is working towards making the entire relationship work.

How it's organized? This is as varied as can be. How do vanilla monogamous relationships organize themselves? Same thing. We're all still living lives here, we all still need to be fed and housed and clothes and most of us work and walk around just like everyone else. The only difference you'd likely spot overtly for me is that I happen to have 2-3 dates rather than just one.

quote:


Does the primary relationship Marry and if they do, doesnt the other members get the short end of the stick?

Depends and no.
quote:

Whats the financially security of the other partners if you all live to gether?

For me I provide my own financial security.
quote:

Whats the emotional security?

I love multiple people and they love me. It's the same security that one can have in a monogamous relationships.
quote:

Is everyone equal?

Totally depends on the relationship. Poly is all about prioritizing, managing time and making sure things get done as they should. I have an Owner and a boyfriend and a lover and other people I date. The people I date know that when I go out with my boyfriend, he takes priority that night. My boyfriend knows the Owner always takes priority. As long as everyone knows what to expect and how things work for you, they can communicate and work with life.

quote:

Does the primary relationship take a priority or is there some understanding from 3rd partner about how things go? i mean really, whats the dynamics like?

Again, as varied as can be. My relationship is very very different from the norm "one dom stable of slaves" thing.
quote:


Whats the whole thinking behind poly? How do you do it? Whats the thinking behind it? Whats the feeling behind it?

I form connections with people and want them in my life intimately. Again, the same as what others do, but I do it with multiple people at the same time.
quote:


Personally i think that "poly" people must be very secure people. How do you get to be one of those "secure" people?

All successful relationships, mono or poly, must include secure people. How do you get to be secure? Communication, understanding of expectations, feeling "seen and heard," time, not being psycho. I have a friend who's dom is far away with work and they rarely see eachother and yet he continues to push for more sex and relationship partners. I've told them both again and again that they need to be secure in their own relationship before bringing in someone else, to be fair to themselves AND whatever poor person they bring in. But he won't listen.

So PLEASE, don't bring someone in unless you really ARE happy and secure. It's just not right for whatever new person you bring into the mess.
quote:


Master is poly and wants to eventually add a 3rd person to us, as soon as i can get my head around the whole poly thing. i suppose. He's held off so far as to my concerns with it. When is a good time to add a 3rd person? How do the dynamics change? Whats that like? Does it change or alter the first relationship? i know its supposed to be an enhancement in a way, but how do you go about making sure its an enhancement?

The same way you made sure adding this master person in your life was an ehancement. WHen is a good time? When you're very secure, very happy, after discussing what your expectations and desires are together, and then when you meet someone right.

How do the dynamics change? That depends on you.

Yes it alters the first relationship in some way. It doesn't take away from it, but now you both must interact with this person in a way you've only interacted with eachother thus far. That requires you to include this person, to open to them, to be fair to them as they "catch up" to your level of intimacy. Think how daunting it will be for this new person to come into a strong relationship that's already been around.
quote:


Master wants a 3rd, another sub/slave. Yet i dont think he could share me with another man. Whats that all about? Isnt that sort of like.. i cant deal with it but you have to?

Welcome to being a slave.
Let me say if you approach this as "having to deal with it" then it's already failed.
quote:


To me in "vanilla" life when one loves another they truely do not enjoy "sharing". i've seen couples try it and fail. As usually the one that is sharing cant manage. How do i re adjust my view on "if they love you they wont want to share" to the poly view?

Depends on you. Read "The Ethical Slut."
And the thread I started on "why go poly?"

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 3/29/2005 6:12:36 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline
Riotgirl, I applaud you for trying to understand your Master's needs. But I also know from prior threads that you can be jealous. From what I understand about poly, jealousy would not work at all. You have to be secure in His love for you. I am personally comfortable with the fact that I do not want to share--I want to sleep each night in my husband's bed and he wants the same thing. I can't hop from one bed to the other, no matter how much I love others. The other posters are correct, we all have the capability of loving others and I'm sure I could, but in my case, I do not see it as being fair to others. I couldn't possibly have a deep intimate relationship with more than one man. That is just how I'm wired. Poly people are wired that way also. You just need to do some soul-searching to see if it is really for you.

< Message edited by sweetpleaser -- 3/29/2005 6:15:10 AM >


_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 3/29/2005 4:17:06 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
How do you love some one and want to be with others?


If you have one child, why would you want to have another one?
It's an entirely different dynamic, to be sure...but there are different qualities in everyone we encounter. Why does love need to be divided between two , three or four people? Can't it be multiplied?

quote:

Do you just love people differently?


Sometimes love has absolutely nothing to do with it, but yes. Some people love the others in their relationships differently. Perhaps with one slave, there is more of a Master/slave dynamic, with another a Daddy/girl dynamic, etc etc. No connection between two people will be identical, imo.

quote:


But i dont understand that if your primary relationship is perfectly A ok and stable, why do you need some one else? Shouldnt your needs be fullfilled with the person you are with? Whats the purpose of the other partners? How do you form a life long commitment with several partners?


Perhaps there is a thrill to the hunt...there is a definate sense of power in owning more than one slave...the newness of a connection. There are several reasons as to why someone may desre to take on another partner...but again, it's not a division of love, it's an addition.

quote:


Whats it like to live in a poly household? How do you keep those "negative" emotions from coming out? How's everything organized and such?


Heh...they come out...like em or not. Everything is organized based on what works for your particular relationship. It varies from person to person...(or people to people, as we are talking in plurals)

quote:


Does the primary relationship Marry and if they do, doesnt the other members get the short end of the stick? Whats the financially security of the other partners if you all live to gether? Whats the emotional security? Is everyone equal? Does the primary relationship take a priority or is there some understanding from 3rd partner about how things go? i mean really, whats the dynamics like?


Why do they have to marry? Is there a "short end of the stick" in not getting married? I'm not married to my slave and yet...I'm one really happy guy. (She seems to be pretty happy too)

Emotional security comes from within. A dominant can be supportive, understanding, listen to your problems, and provide you with a stable environment in which to grow, but it's up to the individual to find their own emotional security.


Poly isn't easy...and it isn't for everybody. There are ups and downs, just as within any relationship and as with any other relationship, it takes consistent communication to keep things going.

Hope that helps,

~Thorns

(edited for spelling...damned typos)

< Message edited by MrThorns -- 3/29/2005 4:18:07 PM >


_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 3/30/2005 11:19:06 AM   
ruffnecksbabygir


Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline
i know exactly what the op means....i have a similar situation although my Master is not exactly poly but He doesn't exactly rule it out either....i wish i was confident enough to even enjoy the thought but the truth is it just makes my stomach twist in knots...i admire those that are so secure to want and enjoy a poly relationship. i can't picture myself ever getting to that point.

(edited to correct typo : )


< Message edited by ruffnecksbabygir -- 3/30/2005 11:20:26 AM >


_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 3/31/2005 4:54:55 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

But i dont understand that if your primary relationship is perfectly A ok and stable, why do you need some one else? Shouldnt your needs be fullfilled with the person you are with? Whats the purpose of the other partners? How do you form a life long commitment with several partners?

I'm not going to attempt to tackle all the questions, many have done an excellent job with them, but I did want to comment on this one. SJ made a valid point that your current relationship BETTER be near close to perfect before even considering poly. But, that certainly doesn't alter the possiblility of wanting something else. In our case, Shifted & I are both Dominants, so this limits (no pun intended) some of the things we are comfortable doing with, or to, each other. Besides, what point would there be to having a Dominant pose as a submissive for the sheer sake of being able to play. So we actually need to have subs or slaves to fulfill our wants and needs. Nothing, I mean nothing is wrong with our relationship at all, it is simply a matter of utility almost, we NEED to have other partners. BUT, that being said, I could also see where this would come up with a more typical Dom/me sub arrangement. It is difficult to find a sub with matching limits, in most cases it is a compromise at some point. So if the possibility of poly comes into the picture, the ability to act out other forms of play that would normally be infringing on the current sub's limits becomes a reality. I would think this would be a perfect situation, if one sub was a pain slut and the other was more into gentle and sensual play (or various other combinations), it would depend on the Dominants mood which sub to utilize at that time. No stranger actually than driving a 4 X 4 when it snows and the motorcycle when the weather is nice, it is simply like using the right tool for the job (hmmmm).
Now forming the lifelong committment with multiple partners is no different to me than forming the same with only one. It simply is sharing of your emotions and heart. As SJ mentioned, we have a bubble, no, no one will ever be able to penetrate that bubble completely, but they can be snuggled in so very tightly in that secondary bubble that it will be nearly the same. Actually I insist on that, I want that emotional bond, love if you will, it is what makes all the effort worthwhile. I would think for a Dom/me who was not married, this may be easier to do, but I don't see where the marital status of the individuals involved (assuming they are married to each other) should ever create a situation where the additional partner is excluded from hardly anything, including or perhaps especially, lifelong committments. As Dominants, WE normally don't share our most intimate time, sleeping with each other at night, but otherwise most anything else goes.


_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 4/3/2005 11:53:11 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

How do you love some one and want to be with others?
For me, its a major mental step to try and be with another man. i cant even think of other men in a sexual way. So i dont understand how love and poly go together. Do you just love people differently?


I think in a way that the love you share is one of the main reasons to want to share. In my opinion we, as humans, are capable of loving so many different people in so many different ways that if we were to allow ourselves to be comfortable with it, the poly lifestyle is a really wonderful way to express it. For Us, Scooter and I, we define it as a series of "bubbles"... everyone has their own "bubble"... it's the space around you that is all yours.. then when you become part of a one on one relationship you redefine that space and it becomes two individual "bubbles" enveloped in one encompassing "bubble" that defined your space as a couple. In a poly relationship you are simply adding another set of bubbles... so to speak. The third individual comes with their own and is then wrapped in another even larger bubble that joins all together. I know this probably doesn't make a lot of sense at first....


I very much like this analogy of bubbles, I think its one of the best "visual" analogies I've heard. It makes a lot of sense and helps explain how the relationship interrelate and are bound together.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
quote:

Whats it like to live in a poly household? How do you keep those "negative" emotions from coming out? How's everything organized and such?


Again, this is just Us, ok? But for us it is no different then living in a large family environment with the exception of the sexual interactions. And we keep the "negative" emotions in check by using constant open and honest communication, journaling and that sort of thing. Everything is organized the same way it would be in a large family, each person has their own tasks and/or chores, we don't allow them to share or swap chores anymore, we tried that and when the particular chore wasn't done up to standard we didn't know for sure who it was that didn't do it right and were concerned about punishing the wrong person.


I'd love to see more written about this, it would be something I'd be very interested in. I have talked to some and and think I have a general idea about it. I'd like to hear more from others, the more different perspectives on it the better.


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
quote:

Does the primary relationship Marry and if they do, doesnt the other members get the short end of the stick? Whats the financially security of the other partners if you all live to gether? Whats the emotional security? Is everyone equal? Does the primary relationship take a priority or is there some understanding from 3rd partner about how things go? i mean really, whats the dynamics like?


Scooter and I are married, and we are both Dominant, and I don't see the submissives as getting the short end of the stick. None/neither of our submissives are required to have jobs, they work in the house, any of their bills or debts become ours instead, as far as long term is concerned, it is in our wills that they will be taken care of should something happen to us, my daughter is aware of this and understands that the responsibility will fall to her as our executor. Emotionally, no, no one here gets the "short end of the stick", We are well aware of their emotional needs and see to them constantly. It is very important to Us that we make them aware at all times that they are loved and needed here. Yes, the primary relationship takes priority, it has too otherwise it just wouldn't work. We always make it very clear that no one and nothing will ever come between Us, our love, devotion and commitment to each other is paramount and yes, the submissives know this.


The fact that the two of you are both dominant is something that fascinates me, I've never met such a couple before until recently. The dynamics of that must take a great deal of respect in addition to everything else I would imagine.


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
quote:

Master wants a 3rd, another sub/slave. Yet i dont think he could share me with another man. Whats that all about? Isnt that sort of like.. i cant deal with it but you have to?


What an interesting thought... one I'm sure many have felt but haven't put into words. Once again, as I said, we have one male and one female, so that isn't something I could comment on but would love to see some others respond to it.


Well, I'll take a crack at this and offer my own personsal feelings. Poly is something I've been wrestling with lately, so I've had cause to give this some thought. I don't share, its just not something I could do. When I collar a girl I form a pretty close intimate bond with her... she become almost a part of me, almost like an extension of myself. To share her with someone else would be like sharing an intimate part of myself, and that's just not something I can do. Having two girls wouldn't be sharing to me since I would own both... or if you prefer, it would be like sharing with myself. I know I could not share a girl with another man, and I have thought about it and I don't think I could share her with another dominant woman either. But the senario of having a relationship with a dominant woman who I share a girl (or girls) with is admittedly intriguing, I hadn't really considered that. I can't say for certain yet that poly is something I definitely want, it has its appeal in fantasy. But I'm still considering the reality of it and trying to explore it as much as I can with an open mind.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 4/4/2005 5:47:18 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
I very much like this analogy of bubbles, I think its one of the best "visual" analogies I've heard. It makes a lot of sense and helps explain how the relationship interrelate and are bound together.

For us it's more like a solar system, with varying orbits around different objects in space.


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
I'd love to see more written about this, it would be something I'd be very interested in. I have talked to some and and think I have a general idea about it. I'd like to hear more from others, the more different perspectives on it the better.

IME, insecurites and jealousies come out most from the unknown and from their fears- which rarely really coincide with the reality of the situation. I think the best thing to do is talk and talk and talk, about what to expect, who's going where, what's going on and cut off all of those "what ifs" at the pass.

For example, my Boston partner is coming to visit me in two weeks. This isn't a big deal and I didn't really have other plans, but I've made a point to let each of my other partners know. This does several things- it makes sure they don't have expectations that will be disappointed in me, it lets them know I consider them in my plan making and life, it lets them know I consider them important enough to communicate what's going on in my life, and it reassures them that I consistently work to connect with all of my partners- how I treat my other partners is indicative of how I will treat them.

quote:


Well, I'll take a crack at this and offer my own personsal feelings. Poly is something I've been wrestling with lately, so I've had cause to give this some thought. I don't share, its just not something I could do. When I collar a girl I form a pretty close intimate bond with her... she become almost a part of me, almost like an extension of myself. To share her with someone else would be like sharing an intimate part of myself, and that's just not something I can do. Having two girls wouldn't be sharing to me since I would own both... or if you prefer, it would be like sharing with myself. I know I could not share a girl with another man, and I have thought about it and I don't think I could share her with another dominant woman either. But the senario of having a relationship with a dominant woman who I share a girl (or girls) with is admittedly intriguing, I hadn't really considered that. I can't say for certain yet that poly is something I definitely want, it has its appeal in fantasy. But I'm still considering the reality of it and trying to explore it as much as I can with an open mind.

I think it's honorable for you to admit your insecurities in allowing your slave to enjoy other dominants and men and your possessiveness in that, rather than most doms who are just ignorant and "because I said so" about it. Perhaps in reviewing these boards you can learn that being with others takes nothing away from what you have, and if it doesn then you didn't have it to begin with.

Or perhaps that's just your orientation and how things will work best for you.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Poly Poly Poly - 4/4/2005 12:55:24 PM   
Cyis75


Posts: 164
Joined: 8/31/2004
From: Georgia
Status: offline
Riot,

Poly is not easy and requires a lot of work on the part of everyone to make it work. Kudos to you for taking the time to attempt to understand it as it seems you are trying to understand if you can handle it or not. In answer to your question of when is the right time to try adding another to the relationship, there is no real simple answer as it depends a great deal on the people within the relationship already. Obviously you sound like you're not ready.

I've been on both ends of poly relationships that were good and bad. Emotions are human and they are neither positive nor negative emotions, they are simply emotions. It is the reactions to those emotions that are either positive or negative. It's how the negative reactions are handled by everyone involved that will help determine the success or failure. It takes a lot of communications among everyone to work through the emotions as they are like landmines that are not a matter of if they'll go off but when. How the are handled when the do go off is key.

I've been in a situation where one partner was okay with them being with others; however the other partner(s) were not. I've also been in a situation where I was seeing someone who wasn't poly, and my partner was not seeing anyone else and for the most part was positive but didn't last long term.

I'm more than welcome to talk privately if you wish, I just don't put to much out in detail publicaly these days.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
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