How do you love some one and want to be with others?
For me, its a major mental step to try and be with another man. i cant even think of other men in a sexual way. So i dont understand how love and poly go together. Do you just love people differently?
I think in a way that the love you share is one of the main reasons to want to share. In my opinion we, as humans, are capable of loving so many different people in so many different ways that if we were to allow ourselves to be comfortable with it, the poly lifestyle is a really wonderful way to express it. For Us, Scooter and I, we define it as a series of "bubbles"... everyone has their own "bubble"... it's the space around you that is all yours.. then when you become part of a one on one relationship you redefine that space and it becomes two individual "bubbles" enveloped in one encompassing "bubble" that defined your space as a couple. In a poly relationship you are simply adding another set of bubbles... so to speak. The third individual comes with their own and is then wrapped in another even larger bubble that joins all together. I know this probably doesn't make a lot of sense at first....
i've done some reading and know that the "primary" relationship needs to be stable before you can introduce a 3rd.
But i dont understand that if your primary relationship is perfectly A ok and stable, why do you need some one else? Shouldnt your needs be fullfilled with the person you are with? Whats the purpose of the other partners? How do you form a life long commitment with several partners?
Once again I go back to the "bubble".... It is most important that the primary relationship be strong and secure, that the main bubble be a solid one. The other question I have to answer with a question of my own... Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to world to not only know it, but experience it too?? Have you ever found yourself saying something like "wow, this is so amazing, this feels so great, I wish others could feel it too"? That's what it's like for Us. We love each other so much, we are so totally and completely devoted to the happiness of each other that we feel it is not only ok, but it's the perfect thing to do. To share this love with others, to expand our "family" with others.
Whats it like to live in a poly household? How do you keep those "negative" emotions from coming out? How's everything organized and such?
Again, this is just Us, ok? But for us it is no different then living in a large family environment with the exception of the sexual interactions. And we keep the "negative" emotions in check by using constant open and honest communication, journaling and that sort of thing. Everything is organized the same way it would be in a large family, each person has their own tasks and/or chores, we don't allow them to share or swap chores anymore, we tried that and when the particular chore wasn't done up to standard we didn't know for sure who it was that didn't do it right and were concerned about punishing the wrong person.
Does the primary relationship Marry and if they do, doesnt the other members get the short end of the stick? Whats the financially security of the other partners if you all live to gether? Whats the emotional security? Is everyone equal? Does the primary relationship take a priority or is there some understanding from 3rd partner about how things go? i mean really, whats the dynamics like?
Scooter and I are married, and we are both Dominant, and I don't see the submissives as getting the short end of the stick. None/neither of our submissives are required to have jobs, they work in the house, any of their bills or debts become ours instead, as far as long term is concerned, it is in our wills that they will be taken care of should something happen to us, my daughter is aware of this and understands that the responsibility will fall to her as our executor. Emotionally, no, no one here gets the "short end of the stick", We are well aware of their emotional needs and see to them constantly. It is very important to Us that we make them aware at all times that they are loved and needed here. Yes, the primary relationship takes priority, it has too otherwise it just wouldn't work. We always make it very clear that no one and nothing will ever come between Us, our love, devotion and commitment to each other is paramount and yes, the submissives know this.
Whats the whole thinking behind poly? How do you do it? Whats the thinking behind it? Whats the feeling behind it?
Personally i think that "poly" people must be very secure people. How do you get to be one of those "secure" people?
I have to agree, you MUST be extremely secure before entering into a poly relationship, it will challenge your ability to control your feelings of insecurity and jealousy in ways that most didn't know existed.
I can't claim to fully understand the dynamics of most poly households. As I said, Scooter and I are both Dominants and see a poly relationship as an answer to many difficulties we would otherwise face. There are just simply things that a Dominant can only enjoy with a submissive. And as much as I love Scooter there are just things that I cannot do, one of them being submit. I just don't have it in me, and would in no way be comfortable in "faking" it even for him. The same thing holds true for him, I could never be comfortable asking him to submit to me. I'm afraid that's one opinion someone else is going to have to offer you.
Master is poly and wants to eventually add a 3rd person to us, as soon as i can get my head around the whole poly thing. i suppose. He's held off so far as to my concerns with it. When is a good time to add a 3rd person? How do the dynamics change? Whats that like? Does it change or alter the first relationship? i know its supposed to be an enhancement in a way, but how do you go about making sure its an enhancement?
Personally I think that is extremely admirable of Him, He understands that it's something that you are not comfortable with and respects that. In that same light, I think you are wonderful for trying so hard to understand His needs as well.
I don't know that there is a "good" time to add another to your family, it's a personal choice that the two of you have to decide on. Daily life changes and alters any healthy relationship, it grows and matures... how does poly fit in? Well, as I said before, it's just like adding a family member. Yes, things will change, the work load of the first submissive will lighten, but then again, so will the amount of one on one time with the Dominant. As tough as it appears to be on the submissive it is equally hard, if not harder on the Dominant, it is their responsibility to see to it that neither/none of the submissive are slighted. I would suggest that you do a little daydreaming RiotGirl, picture scenerios in your head that would involve another female submissive... do it with an open mind though, think about the things you could do together, both in domestic chores and in pleasing your Master, analyze your feelings about that scenerio and discuss them with Him. If he is experienced in a poly relationship he would be able to help you to understand your feelings. On the other hand, if he isn't experienced in poly, the two of you should learn about it together, it isn't easy at all.
Master wants a 3rd, another sub/slave. Yet i dont think he could share me with another man. Whats that all about? Isnt that sort of like.. i cant deal with it but you have to?
What an interesting thought... one I'm sure many have felt but haven't put into words. Once again, as I said, we have one male and one female, so that isn't something I could comment on but would love to see some others respond to it.
To me in "vanilla" life when one loves another they truely do not enjoy "sharing". i've seen couples try it and fail. As usually the one that is sharing cant manage. How do i re adjust my view on "if they love you they wont want to share" to the poly view?
It's like I've said all along, it's all just training... Society has trained us to feel a certain way, believe a certain way and behave a certain way... My question is this... If we can over come the "training" that society has forced on us well enough to embrace this lifestyle, if we can over come the negative societal view of wiitwd, why stop there? Why see only a monogamous yet kinky lifestyle as the "be all, end all" of what we love so much? So long as it is between consenting, responsible adults, so long as no one is getting hurt or harmed, so long as there are no "victims", I see nothing wrong with poly. I embrace it, I live it, and I love it.
Of course, I'm one of those people that doesn't see anything wrong with having two loveseats instead of a sofa and loveseat.... I don't march to a different drummer, I dance to it.
Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.