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hello - 3/6/2007 4:41:24 PM

subbimalepa

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/21/2006
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hello, i am a submissive male in a vanilla marriage. Yes, you can see the problem that i have. She is a very wonderful person who i deeply love. She is very conservative about sex and would see any of my activities in BSDM as perverted. I have talked to her some, very generally and she seems to have some desire to be in control. I think she just doesn't feel comfortable after growing up as a pleaser. My question, how could i introduce her to this in a non-threating way that she won't end up thinking i am a freak. i really want to be more emotional connected to her and improve our married. Thank You!!

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RE: hello - 3/6/2007 5:02:51 PM

sophia37

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Joined: 2/7/2006
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Truthfully, having you say, " hello, i am a submissive male in a vanilla marriage. Yes, you can see the problem that i have." Is not quite enough info for me to "see the problem that i have". So This is no easy job you've given us readers. lol

You're submissive? In what way? In your mind or in everyday living? Youre wife has some desire to be in control? Or is she in control of the everything. Then you say she is a "pleaser". Well who's in control? Are you switching?

What are the "activities" you'd like to introduce her to? If you cant clarify it on paper, you wont be able to clarify face to face in general comversation. So start by examining what it is you'd like, to begin with. Something simply. Go for just one thing maybe. And dont satrt with hot candle wax on your nipples while she wears 6 inch stilettos and blindfolds you.. lol

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RE: hello - 3/6/2007 5:17:47 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Best of luck, you'll need it. Perhaps pamper her and treat her exceptionally well and to a nice licking..... maybe eventually you can serve her in other ways

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RE: hello - 3/6/2007 5:46:29 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

How are you wanting to serve her? Sexually? Non-sexually? Or are you looking for her to indulge your fetishes? If so, what are they?

Master Fire

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(in reply to subbimalepa)

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RE: hello - 3/6/2007 7:53:23 PM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

You married someone who you didn't disclose your kinks to? Oh, dear.

There's a book called When Someone You Love is Kinky by Easton and Liszt. You may want to buy it, wrap it up for her, sit her down and have the "Darling, I have something to tell you" talk before handing it to her. You may also want to look up any kink-aware marriage counselors in your area. You may need them.

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RE: hello - 3/6/2007 11:08:08 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

You may want to read "Dom Me Dammit" http://www.castlerealm.com/library/dammit.shtml which talks about problems subs face when turning a relationship from vanilla to kinky.

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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(in reply to subbimalepa)

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