Multiple Profiles, same person

Multiple Profiles, same person (Full Version)

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siamsa24 -> Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 8:13:24 AM)
There is an individual on the other side who comes to me for advice. He has two profiles, one which lists him as a submissive and the other lists him as a Dominant, the profiles are almost identical with a few small exceptions. Here is my concern. In the profile where he identifies himself as a Dominant he claims that he is an experienced trainer and is currently accepting multiple trainees in the area. I know that he has no real life experience or teaching. Everything that he knows he learned online and from me (heaven help us). I understand that everyone has to start somewhere, but I feel that he is giving very false information to these girls and I worry for their safety after talking to him about his training techniques (he is currently "training" two submissive females in his local area). My question is this: Should I continue to give advice to this person even though he ignores what he doesn't want to hear and I am against what he is doing? I feel like if I stop that he will just do whatever he wants. He said he was going to let me talk to the girls about my concerns, but then said that he wasn't because he was afraid that I was going to tell them that he doesn't know what he is doing (which he doesn't and he admits that). I'm sorry if this is confusing, but I am starting to get fed up with this, but I am also worried for the safety of these women (I shouldn't really call them girls) that he is working with.

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 8:19:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: siamsa24 I'm sorry if this is confusing, but I am starting to get fed up with this, but I am also worried for the safety of these women (I shouldn't really call them girls) that he is working with. That really is quite a dilema. Part of me thinks you should just drop the guy. You don't need that kind of grief in your life. Yet, another part of me thinks that you might be the only sane influence this guy has right now, and, for the good of mankind, you should hang about him like a little white angel on his shoulder. I guess it depends on how much energy you want to spend on him. He won't take your advice, but if you give it consistently and patiently, maybe it will sink in...eventually. Good luck with this...it is not an easy place to be. Taggard

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 8:58:57 AM)
There's nothing wrong with putting conditions on your advice, and nothing wrong with him refusing to comply with them. He's an adult and going to do what he does. While you can't be his babysitter, you can choose to actively assist or resist what he does. I'd say tell him he needs to either be honest on his profiles or realize he's being the loser that everyone talks about and it WILL catch up to him. At the very least he will lose you as an ally.

Guest -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 9:18:47 AM)
I agree with Emerald. You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink... after a few fruitless trips to the well you're simply wasting your valuable time. Though your concerns for the women he is lying too are valid and admirable, they are ultimately subject to the same 'caveat emptor' advice as anyone on the net, or in real life for that matter. Sad but true, they will msot likely get hurt and he will most likely have a reputation as a liar - and deservedly so. Mod5

MsSilvie -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 9:30:09 AM)
It's good of you to want to offer advice and support. But you're not obligated to. And it's frustrating to spend time and energy giving your advice, only to watch some nutball turn around and do the exact opposite. I think it has to be your judgement call. People get themselves in over their heads in situations all the time, you don't have to be the responsible party to try to bail them out. It's entirely permissable to just let them learn from their own mistakes. Take care!

Mercnbeth -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 9:33:02 AM)
quote: am also worried for the safety of these women siamsa, Once again I'll take a different approach to this. The people who deserve to know, especially in light of the above comment, are the woman. If you know their email and/or IM name alert them to this situation. Regardless of his "training" technique he is a liar. There is no "best case" to come from that foundation. My comment about your interaction with him may seem harsh. In effect currently you are his "enabler". Without your advice he wouldn't be able to continue his charade, or at least his material may be more generic. An old professional mentor of mine a long time ago gave me some advise that you may want to consider. He said: "As you go through life, learn, and have accomplishments you will meet people along the way that become friends. Some even become close friends. But for some reason, although at one time you had common history and interest, you'll advance quicker than them or your morality and theirs will evolve into distinct differences. Never compromise your morals and beliefs on behalf of that friendship. There are some people who drag you down by their friendship with you. Ultimately these people were never friends - just acquaintances. Distance yourself from him." Good luck, and please if you can, let the woman know.

siamsa24 -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 9:33:20 AM)
At this point I could care less what he does to himself, my concern is only for the women he is currently "training" and with others that he may lure into his trap. Should I not have any concern for them either?

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 12:00:22 PM)
Concern sure, it shows a good social conscience. But let's remember THEY are independent adults as well. It's a nice intention to want to make them happy and revealed, but what's the response that someone will have when their cyber crush's cyber friend emails them about the cyber crush being a liar and such? Nothing positive. This is where cyber drama begins. If I were VERY CLOSE to someone, offline, and knew VERY PERSONALLY of things that were going on, I might feel obligated to tell them that they at least needed to examine and discuss things and make sure this is what they want. Otherwise, I'd just assume the other person was a jilted lover causing trouble. Or, if it's typical online drama, stir things up like crazy with lots of lies and cover ups which will spin out into a very long tornado ending with everyone unhappy. Again, you aren't anyone's babysitter here. He's either going to have to start being honest or not, and nothing you can force. You can't block him from being with other people and trying will only lead to more angst.

siamsa24 -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 12:05:16 PM)
If it were simply online with these women I would be fine with it, but he is doing some things to them in real life that I consider to be dangerous, especially for someone who doesn't know what he's doing. I have written to him and told him to come clean, but I don't know what I will do if he doesn't

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 12:51:02 PM)
Meddling with others lives is always dangerous and usually leads to explosions rather than happiness. We consider stepping into a scene done in public a very grievous thing that should be done only in the utter emergency situation, and NEVER based on someone's subjective feelings of things having gone too far. How does this situation compare to that?

siamsa24 -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 1:05:28 PM)
Based on what I know of his techniques these women are in physical danger, that is why I am so concerned. Merc, I think we posted at the same time and I missed your post up until this time. Thank you for your insight, it makes perfect sense. By trying to help I may actually be making things worse.

submissivesilk -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 3:03:17 PM)
Honesty is one of the most imporant things to look for in a Dom. This man doesnt show much of it. The very idea of getting involved with someone like that scares me.

siamsa24 -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 3:05:33 PM)
The women that he is getting involved with are unaware that he is lying to them so they think that he is being honest when he says that he has years of experience and knows what he is doing. I am going to try to contact the women, I can only hope that they believe me.

brightspot -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 5:33:57 PM)
Hello siamsa, Do know know for sure that this person is an adult? Do you know he is being honest with you and not just maybe a juvenile filling your head with crapola? I mean the whole thing may just be a lie. If on the other hand you know things to be true, this person has no respect for what he is doing or the life and I wish you luck in being able to contact the women involved. *brightspot

siamsa24 -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 5:46:02 PM)
I have met this man in real life several times (he works in my area) so I know he is for real. Just today he asked to borrow some of my toys to use on his "new trainee" (they just met yesterday) and got angry when I told him no.

proudsub -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/29/2005 7:31:11 PM)
Do you know any doms that could mentor him?

brightspot -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/30/2005 1:26:00 AM)
He sounds like kind of a shady individual, a bit scary...Please be careful... *brightspot

cynthiamarie -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (3/30/2005 9:43:26 AM)
quote: Do you know any doms that could mentor him? If He's new to this, with His head full of fantasies and drunk on the power exchange...i really hope He can get some training before He hurts somebody. i wonder if He knows about that wizdomme newbie's packet...lol, yeah, i'm wading my way though that. Good for you about the toys, and best of luck for talking with His subs.

Kinkypupper -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (4/6/2005 5:01:56 PM)
One cannot solve all the problems in the world. One cannot feed all the starving children. One cannot sucessfully deal with all the "wannabes" and out right liers here. Suggest you stop what you are doing and put him on ignore.. What you may be doing is encourageing his facade.

siamsa24 -> RE: Multiple Profiles, same person (4/6/2005 5:09:09 PM)
Well, he and all three of his profiles are gone after I threatened to out him so it's no longer an issue

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