RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (Full Version)

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BeautifulRacket -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/7/2007 11:04:47 PM)

[:)]I wouldn't say we needed to enumerate rules, but we have found doing was a helpful exercise. We're both logical people who like having clearer lists (as reminder, if nothing else). Most of them are common sense and applicable to any LTR, but it has provided a sense of security as we've transformed from 8+ years of fairly traditional to something very close to TPE in a short period of time. Spelling them out may not work for others, but it has for us, and that's all that matters.

Anyway, ours are below, and I hope you find it helpful to some extent, Susan. I think it's wonderful that you and your partner are talking about possibilities like this; if nothing else, it gives you a chance to get to know each other better, right? [:)]

- We will live with complete honesty, respect and integrity.
  
- Slave may respectfully request to speak freely without fear of punishment at any time, and may voice objection to punishment before it's given.
 
  - Don't share personal/lifestyle info with outsiders unless prior permission is given (includes not revealing F/m dynamic; taking responsibility for decisions).
 
- Slave must wear his collar at all appropriate times.
 
- Slave must uphold all health and personal care habits (he has a history of having trouble with some of these things, like taking vitamins, medication, not shaving often enough for my tastes, etc.)
 
- Orders and requests must be carried out swiftly/ASAP and without complaint or any kind of disrespectful behavior.
 
- Rules and limits will be re-evaluated periodically, or upon request.
 
-  All rule or order violations must be reported as soon as possible.
 
 Additions we've talked about recently:
 

When you're upset or stressed, you must talk about them.
When you're sick, you must remember your Mistress will care for you.
You must think about the reasons for your thoughts and feelings.



popeye1250 -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/7/2007 11:16:46 PM)

Yeah, I agree with LA too, it takes a while to get to know a person first then you can start structuring some rules and maybe more as you go along.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 2:27:55 AM)

Sure it is exciting to think about now and it is a way of starting the relationship early, but I wouldn't give a sub house rules before you get into things. My rules always begin with orders during scenes to establish my authority and go from there.

Now, if I really wanted and the sub was obessive enough that it would work, I could come up with some super duper house rules because of my military background. I could drive her batty making her fold underwear a certain way, space hanging clothes hanging in the closet exactly and clean things meticulously while I inspected often. Military like training where a sub calls you Sir, stands at attention and follows orders with the added element of sex and BDSM is where much of D/s originates in my opinion.



PlayfulOne -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 3:49:33 AM)

Susan,

Much of this depends on the relatonship.  I know people who have been handed a pages long rule book to look over before they were even considered.  Our "house rules" just evolved with the relationship and I can probably count them on one hand.  She is a smart creative girl and I am most often served best by just letting her do her things. 

She knows I prefer long hair, so she stopped cutting her hair when we started our relationship.  That evolved into a House rule where she does nthing with her hair without my permission. 

She ask permission to go to the bathroom whenever we are together.

She is naked after 8:00 pm

Mostly on trips, but if I am driving she masturbates while I drive.

This is the only big one, she does her corner time and journal daily.   Early in our relationship she had so much sub frenzy going on she could not concentrate.  Her mind was racing from thought to thought  and she was making herself frantic.  I gave her the corner time and  journal to do and it worked to help her focus, relax, and really collect herself.  It has not only helped in the relationship but it has helped her in general to sharpen her focus.  At one point I thought we could do away with this and tried for about 2 months.  She started slipping back into those moments where her mind was racing around again so I reinstated the rule.  She thought this was punishment when it first went back into place.  Then after 2 or 3 days she came to tell me how much better she felt.

There are rules that are fun to play wth and some which are neccesary.  The little one keeps a wonderful house so it would be a waste of time and focus to make rules about her making the bed, etcc.  Those things you only learn from spending time with one another.

K



BeingChewsie -> RE: "House Rules" in a relationship - do you have them? What are they? (3/8/2007 4:46:42 AM)

I agree with this. Just meet, get to know one another, the rules of your interactions and day to day life as his(if that ever happens) can wait.

I think even discussing it is putting the cart before the horse.

I flew back and forth from coast to coast for months and months before certain interactions became *rules*, let yor dynamic fall into place first before trying to interject rules often ment to substitute for an actual power disparity existing between the two of you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'd say "No rules, just right."

Don't worry about rules, just be together and do what feels right.  As long as everyone is happy, relaxed and polite, it shouldn't matter.  This is a first date for you guys, not the time to start making or even thinking about house rules at all.



mixielicous -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 9:13:58 AM)

fast reply, there are no "rules", so much as expectations. I am expected to, do the dishes [all in the house, that includes a roomate and usually his gf too], keep the kitchen clean [sweep, mop, polish counters and stove], keep the house swept with clean floors, keep the cat hair down [ugh which means vaccuum the couches everyday], keep the bedroom clean and free of dirty laundry, laundry[and folded the way he likes], trash, recycling, yard work, snow shoveling, and sometimes i cook for myself and Master, but rarely [unless its my meatloaf [:D]]

basically, unless it involves heavy lifting, or "fixing" someting [most of the time] i am required to do it, every day, without prompting. i am sure it will change a little [in regards to how long i have to complete my chores] once i start working 40 hrs/wk


edit to add this does not include the list of things i am required to ask permission for such as money, going into town, cutting my bangs etc



bluelace001 -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 9:57:50 AM)

I've been in a M/s relationship for over 8 years and have lived with Master just about the entire time. He has a theory that too many rules are not healty, one simply can't enforce all the rules when there are too many, so his contract/house rules are fairly simple. At the same time, he makes conncessions due to circumstances( for example, we have kids, so i would not bow in greeting when he arrives home as i would if the kids were not here.) Any relationship vanilla, or lifestyle has to have some sort of comprimises. The way Master and i came to a suitable comprimise was making a list of pet peevs before i ever even moved out here with him. Might sound silly, but it was a great start. He layed out his expectations and what the rules were before i moved out here and i had a choice, i could live with them or not. Because he isn't unreasonable and his rules weren't ridiculous, i had no problem accepting them and living with them. After i moved in, the little rules or expectations came along and i always had a choice to talk to him about it or choose to not live with it. (by little rules i mean things like making sure the toilet paper roll never ends up empty.)
Each releationship is different. House rules can consist of rituals , manners, and simple expectations. I would suggest talking to him and finding out what exactly he means by house rules, then go from there.

Sincerely
bluelace_V
(property of Viper_001)



Dnomyar -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 10:37:04 AM)

I agree with BeingChewsie. Meeting in person is a lot different than writing and talking on the phone. You wont be seeing the real person for the first time until you meet. True emotions will come out then. Relax and go with the flow and then make your decision.



MojoRisin -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 11:26:50 AM)

With my last sub, house rules were honesty always. She still did the "woman" thing of me asking "what's wrong?"
"nothing...", she'd say, in that tone.

Pantyhose and skirts worn in the evenings, also a rule she had to live by. Very generous and loving to her, it was a good relationship.... for a while.



BreatheinToMe -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 11:49:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

My question, then is: If you live together, with your partner(s),  or if you visit your partner and spedn substantial amounts of time in their house or apartment (or vice-versa), what are your "house rules" - if you have them?

Just wondering. Thanks for any replies.

- Susan


My first visit with my previous Dom, was much like taking a vacation,  My first rule was to get my ass over there. Then I just took his lead, which was to act as if we were on a nilla date, theme being learn about each other in a nose to nose scenario. He gave me the tour of his town, and did normal shopping chores.
 
Then at home He told me, if he expected or wanted something done, in His order of importance to him. Anything else housewordlinesswise..if I saw something that could use attention I just jumped right in(small) or if it was a bigger task, I asked if he would like for me to help with that. Sometimes he would draw me back for something more fun.
 
Don't sweat the small stuff. Take his lead, otherwise you are coming in with your own rules. If his orderliness doesn't  come close to match yours, then it might eventually cause an item of contention, in the long run.
There were times when I was so drained, He was washing the dishes....:) But that was just us.
 
One difference (in the beginning) was the use of TV trays to eat off of. I am used to a kitchen or dining room table for meals.
 
Breathe



MojoRisin -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 11:55:15 AM)

Is anyone here required to dress up in the evenings all the time or is that just fantasy?



bluelace001 -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 12:04:05 PM)

I'm required to wear a dress when i'm at home or with him.



MojoRisin -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 12:08:47 PM)

Do you ever have to wear hose/stockings/heels?



RobertCloud -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 12:17:20 PM)

SusanO,

Every relationship is going to have a different set of rules. If you have been talking for some time setting up some of the things as house rules before hand is something I personally do not feel is a bad idea, it helps to see if you have more things in common. The more things you have in common the easier the relationship is going to be.

There have been things that the girl I am speaking to has asked of me and things that I have mentioned to her and I will go over the basic list of them.

No illegal drugs or prescription drugs not specifically prescribed to someone within the household and all prescription drugs are to be monitored.

All alcohol in the house will be kept in a locked cabinet and used for cooking or special occasions only. Casual drinking within the house will not be tolerated.

Tobacco products are to be used outside of the house unless they are for ceremonial purposes (I am Native American and tobacco is used ceremonially at times and that will be the only time it will be allowed to be used in the house.)

Any new rule that is created cannot be immediately enforceable but a period of learning must be allowed and determined at the time the rule is made before it can be enforced.

Corporal punishment shall never be given in anger.

All disagreements will be talked out and we will never go to bed angry at each other.

No visitors will be allowed unless they have called prior to coming over.

Calls after 10:00 PM had better be from family members or emergencies.

And these are what we have talked about so far, but they are things we both want... as we get to know each other better more house rules will come into action but I think it is good that of all the things we have discussed so far the only thing we even negotiated on was the curfew on the Calls... lol... I originally wanted 9:00... She wanted 11:00.. we compromised. I could have held firm and she would have accepted 9:00 had I demanded it, but why do so, 10:00 is not that bad, and it made her happy as well.



RobertCloud -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 12:22:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MojoRisin

Is anyone here required to dress up in the evenings all the time or is that just fantasy?


My girl wants to dress as fancily as she can for me at all times.
When we go out she wants to wear clothing that will make people stop in their tracks to look at her so that I will be proud that she is mine.
When we are home she wants to wear clothing that will make me desire her even more, and always see her as my love and my treasure.
Personally, I think I would be proud of her if she were wearing sack cloth and jeans.. for her love and devotion alone makes her shine.



LaTigresse -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 1:11:09 PM)

First of all, I would never presume to tell anyone who's home I was visiting what their rules should be. It is their home, their rules.

Second of all, I don't see it as "rules" persay but common sense and common courtesy.  If a grown adult has to be reminded of common courtesy I don't know that they would be visiting my house. I don't believe I have ever recieved a list of rules prior to visiting someone in their home......or given the host one.

Maybe I am missing the whole point but if it is a first visit, setting rules seems a bit much, too creepy and micro-managed.



peterK50 -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 1:59:40 PM)

Must have Jacks or better to open.



KatyLied -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 2:09:16 PM)

If the ice cubes are running out, turn on the ice maker.  That's a big rule at my house.




Suleiman -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 4:33:29 PM)

Something to think about, aside from whether or not house rules are needed, is the simple fact that some wheels grind more slowly than others. Now ma be a good time to *start* thinking about what sorts of house rules you'd like to establish, so that *later*, when they become a potential aspect of your dynamic, you aren't put on the spot.

One of mine is the "no means yes" rule - it's a simple guideline, and we use it to avoid some in-scene confusion. I absolutely disapprove of the casual use of safewords in scene. I was taught that if the safeword comes out, something very bad has happened, which means that I have seriously screwed up. On the other hand, one does want feedback, and in some scenes, "more please" is not quite the theme of the moment. We've established the idea that saying "No" or otherwise refusing to do something (or refusing to cooperate) is essentially an invitation to play a little rougher or to be more forceful. "Yes" or "Thank you" indicates that the level of force is sufficient. "Please" or some variation thereof indicates some hesitation, or the possibility that there might be some problem. This way, feedback can be given without breaking the scene or getting out of character.

An absolute rule of mine is "A boundary is a boundary" - which seems completely intuitive to me, but I have ben sadly surprised in the past at how often people consider boundaries and hard limits to be a guideline, request, or even a challenge to be overcome.

Really, from the gist of what you're saying, it sounds more like this gentleman simply wants you to think ahead and decide on where you might like the relationship to go, presuming tha it goes that far.

I hope you have fun.

~S



Sinergy -> RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they? (3/8/2007 4:41:10 PM)

 
I am not sure I have any specific rules.  There is a certain way I want to live my life, so to frame it in the positive I would have to say "Want to be with me, this is how life should be."

The rules I gave my unmentionables were.

1) You make a mess, you clean it up.
2) Dont like what I cooked, the kitchen is over there.
3) Need something, ask for it.  I dont do mind reading.
4) Got an argument with somebody, take it outside because I dont want to have to deal with it.
4a) Make me fix your problems, I will, but odds are fairly good you will not like the solution I come up with.

Sinergy



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