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Padriag -> RE: In search of understanding the other side (3/12/2007 11:07:50 AM)
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ORIGINAL: babysburnin
1. What does being a Dom "do" for you emotionally?
Is it about knowing someone is there for you and will do anything for you? (loyality) Is it about nuturing another in your way or what you see is in their best interest (teacher), is it simply about sex & play and having a submissive participant?(just fun) I know there are many other possibilities - It would be of great help for me to hear them.
Dominance is a part of my nature and psychological make-up. My natural inclination in most situations is to be in control (of myself at minimum, and my environment if possible). On a conscious level it doesn't so much "do" anything for me, its simply my "comfort zone." Subconsciously it could be argued it provides or reinforces my sense of security, that is, I feel safest when I'm in control because I'm confident my being in control makes me safest. That's the abstract generalities. You asked some other questions however that relate specifically to personal relationships.
Within a relationship, knowing that I have someone who will do anything for me is about both loyalty and control. I derive satisfaction from both. The loyalty comes more from knowing I can count on that person regardless. Its almost like the kind of high level loyalty expectations soldiers develop regarding one another, knowing that other person is with you no matter what. Again, if I were analyzing myself I'd say that probably stems from some of my background, which while not military was none-the-less "high threat level" at times. There is also a teaching element there, I do enjoy teaching and watching someone learn. I've got a lot to teach (being both well educated and very skilled in a number of areas). Sharing that with a specific individual also provides me with a sense of satisfaction at a personal level. The sex-play is really the icing on the cake, its like the added bonus. Which is to say, its not what is most important to me about the relationship... but it sure is fun!
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2. For those of you who are sadistic ...
What do YOU get out of inflicting pain on another? For the more experienced, is it a delicate, well thought out game? For those less experienced, is it simply about getting a "fix"? If so, where does that come from? What does it do for you? How does it make you feel?
For me personally it involves a number of things. Its another aspect of control, that I can do this to another person. Its also about loyalty and service, that this person will endure this to please me. Perhaps not surprisingly with me it is almost always a well thought out "game", though I think in my case "ritual" would be a better word. What occurs is like a ritual rite of passage in a sense, of which the aftercare is also very much a part. Its a bonding experience in that I can take this person somewhere they would not normally go, and they endure it to please me, at the same time I keep them safe through it and on the otherside I'm there to comfort out of which a stronger bond forms. Strange as it may sound to some, its a way of getting closer personally.
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