your identity as a slave, as separate from your identity as Their slave

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> your identity as a slave, as separate from your identity as Their slave

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your identity as a slave, as separate from your identit... - 3/13/2007 5:55:46 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

i'm curious particularly about owned slaves and submissives, although others are more than welcome to respond...are there many of us here who identify with more aspects of submission or slavery than are necessarily present in our relationships?

for example, i have always felt an affinity for "daddy domination," as well as gor, and although i have little experience with gor i enjoy reading and learning about it and identify very much with the mind and heart of a kajira. neither of these things are necessarily things He would be interested in, so they're not really an acknowledged part of how we relate to each other as dominant and submissive (with the exception, perhaps, of the aspects of gorean slavery that i am slowly sort of assimilating into my own personality as a slave).

has anyone else encountered this in their relationship(s)? has it caused tension, growth? how did you resolve it?

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/13/2007 6:02:11 PM

StellaByStarlite

Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline

Ok, this is going to sound totally off the wall, lol

Sometimes I identify as an android, or robot. Efficient, useful, responding only to the directives of my owner. I like to think of mind as his tool, where he can pull files out at random.

Remember that movie, I, Robot, based on the Asimov book? There were 3 Laws I can't remember right now.

Weird, huh?
Stella

(in reply to hisannabelle)

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/13/2007 6:04:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Oh yes. Until my last relationship with my owner, none of my previous were at all interested in me as a top or cultivating that side of me. And while I was interested in age play, they were not.

Since I didn't consider those parts to be necessary to express as part of who I am, it wasn't a big deal to let them go and focus on other areas of growth. They would surface occasionally and I'd reflect on them, but, again not a serious deal so they would drift to the rear again.

Now that I've spent so much time developing myself and even become comfortable calling myself a dominant, I don't think I could be in a relationship in which my owner required me to never top or be dominant in a relationship again. It has become too much an integral part of myself.

As always, it depends on how important it is to you and how compatible you are together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to hisannabelle)

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/13/2007 8:58:14 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

As long as my interest isn't in learning how to please other Masters, Master is one sweet cookie about cultivating my interests. When he gets tired of hearing me talk ... well ... he hasssss vaysssss of makink me zilent.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/14/2007 1:26:17 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Yes! i am facing this now!

i love entertaining. i have volunteered as chef for formal lifestyle dinners, theme dinners, barbecues, chocolatini parties, fund raisers, private parties, training dinners for new subs/slaves, breakfasts, lunches, and dinners of all kinds. Basically catering, as a hobby.

Master has no desire to entertain. He feels responsible for everyone's happiness and safety, and entertaining is not plesant for Him. He is amazing with people, i might add. Everyone in my world who has met Him adores Him. It is not that He lacks social skills or anything else, we travel in some pretty upscale circles at times - He lacks nothing, except the desire to have us entertain.

i am not sure how i am going to handle this. i have been doing other things, but it is not going away...

i will definately be watching this thread!

Master's dorei

(in reply to slaveish)

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/14/2007 1:50:56 AM

ftmouse

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

mmmm interesting, have just read all the other posts and i found myself looking at myself and my situation, an owned slave that lives with Mistress and Master. i report to Mistress, Master has his own interests. How much of "me" as a slave with them is different without them. I will say that there are areas that Mistress explores with me and that there are some she doesnt hold much interest in, she does explore on occassion but it doesnt really do much for her. I am more outgoing and social, she allows me more latitiude when we are out to talk to other sunmissives as she prefers to be at home, thus i get my "fix" when we go out, some see it as a more lax Dom-sub relationship due to this, we dont, Mistress doesnt want a door mat. Mistress has much training she wants to do with me , and to be honest this training is required. so i feel myself grow in this respect, without having to worry about the other interests i have that maybe more "my thing"

hope you are all more confused than i am than when i started typing this lol

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/14/2007 8:26:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Dorei- if you can, I say find a group that needs hostessing! Try meetup.com. I was coordinator of the Firefly group for my area and that gave me PLENTY of events to organize and get together. Groups always need volunteers to take stuff over! It's not as cozy or personal as home entertaining and I rarely get to break out my smores maker, but it can get you practice and a good outlet for those talents.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ftmouse)

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/14/2007 11:31:56 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

Interesting questions...

There isn't really anything I can think of that causes strife or feelings of needs not met or stunted growth from my pre-conceived notions of what being a Owned slave would be like. There are a few area's of difference for Master and I..such as I do identify more with the slaves involved in Gor but not Gor itself for to me..they would have the same thoughts and feelings regardless of Gor whereas Master finds Gor and it's attempts to portray itself as some higher form or aspiration of M/s utterly comical.

I came with a view of pain being for punishment..whereas Master views and is pushing my growth to view pain in the physical sense as pleasure. I never would of dreamed myself viewing it from his way but it is slowly taking hold. I am more of a ritual/protocol type of person whereas Master is less inclined to instill set things unless he feels it needed for his own reasons.

Definite growth is the fact that any thoughts I had of what slavery was like was indeed just in my own head, and I quickly found out that this isn't the case once Owned.

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to hisannabelle)

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/14/2007 2:33:41 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

i'm curious particularly about owned slaves and submissives, although others are more than welcome to respond...are there many of us here who identify with more aspects of submission or slavery than are necessarily present in our relationships?

for example, i have always felt an affinity for "daddy domination," as well as gor, and although i have little experience with gor i enjoy reading and learning about it and identify very much with the mind and heart of a kajira. neither of these things are necessarily things He would be interested in, so they're not really an acknowledged part of how we relate to each other as dominant and submissive (with the exception, perhaps, of the aspects of gorean slavery that i am slowly sort of assimilating into my own personality as a slave).

has anyone else encountered this in their relationship(s)? has it caused tension, growth? how did you resolve it?

I have always craved more control taken over things than Master does, along with more pain. It's something I have had to adjust to over the months. It doesn't really cause any problems, but it did cause a lot of frustration at first (on my part).

I sometimes still have a bit of longing for it, but I know that isn't how my Master is about things. I don't feel I am settling because I am very satisfied in my relationship otherwise.(and very happy)

If someone can't get past it though, and can't be happy, its probably best to try to find someone that is more compatible with how they feel about things.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to hisannabelle)

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/15/2007 1:25:43 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

i seek to honor the One who owns me in all i do, but with His dislike for entertaining, and our remote location, lifestyle events are almost impossible unless we host them. The meetup.com link offers many non lifestyle alternatives that might just work for us in other ways.

Thanks for posting that link LA, it is fantastic!

Master's dorei

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

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RE: your identity as a slave, as separate from your ide... - 3/15/2007 8:33:59 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

i'm curious particularly about owned slaves and submissives, although others are more than welcome to respond...are there many of us here who identify with more aspects of submission or slavery than are necessarily present in our relationships?

has anyone else encountered this in their relationship(s)? has it caused tension, growth? how did you resolve it?

Sure there are aspects that I like that don't appeal to my owner, I just try to find other outlets for it.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to hisannabelle)

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