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SmackNMe -> It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 7:24:51 AM)

I need to ask the mistresses here how they deal with a hetero male sub that has been deceived by a man posing as a mistress.  I want to continue seeking out a mistress but after a recent wake up call, I am reluctant.   I found out a person I was IM'ing was really a man when he slipped up and exposed his gender on IM. 

Is it wrong to ask a mistress to speak on the phone after about a week of talking back and forth?




MissyRane -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 7:27:08 AM)

I don't believe it's wrong but of course some people are not comfortable talking to a person on the phone after a week...but then I'm not a dominant




LaTigresse -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 7:34:03 AM)

Smack, just because you talk on the phone still is not a guarantee. I could tell you a long boring storing about being deceived by a very smart yet wacko young man from Florida. After months of internet, phone, and a couple webcam hellos, there was a physical meeting planned. When I went to the airport to greet the "young lady" and there was no one there. I did some investigating and found out that the identity that I had been given did not belong to this person at all but a woman that had no idea she was being used.

Unfortunately for this young man she did not appreciate it and he suffered a great deal for it. He had worked for her family and knew alot about them and had access to their homes and businesses. He was the best looking female impersonator I have ever seen.......talk about a bummer[:D]

The only sure thing is meeting, and spending time with someone in person.




SmackNMe -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 7:41:58 AM)

thanks.  makes sense that meeting in person would take care of any doubts right away. 




SmackNMe -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 7:44:38 AM)

Thanks.  would a mistress be offended if I asked that we talk on the phone?  Or do subs wait for them to bring it up?  I think I would wait a couple weeks and if she didnt bring up talking on the phone I would then.   I got deceived for to long of a time and I dont want to go through that again but I dont want to make a mistress uncomfortable or offended.

I can give her my number of course.




Driver1961 -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 7:52:34 AM)

Ha, maybe shame, shame, shame,  but  why would I normally go to Ask a Mistress- Hell, I'm a Male dom who wants to know about testosterone stuff- 

Ok, which thread gets more posts?   I bet $1,000 cybers on the General.

Warm regards Driver




LaTigresse -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 8:22:26 AM)

I think I will take that bet.......[:D]




windchymes -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 8:37:57 AM)

To the OP, I think that if a potential Mistress had good intentions and was compassionate to your story, and if you asked politely after maybe a week or two of online contact, I think she wouldn't mind taking the contact further by moving to phone and then meeting in person.   Of course, she will have her own set of concerns and precautions, but my thought is that if a potential partner strongly and snottily resists more personal contact BEYOND THE TIME WHERE IT IS THE LOGICAL NEXT STEP, then that might be a clue that she's not what she claims to be.

I stress the "beyond the time" because, of course, you don't want to make a demand for phone contact for proof too early in the getting to know you process.  Even though it's done with good intentions, it still causes uneasy feelings if done too soon or too demandingly, if that makes sense.  But, someone with the right intentions and character should understand the crap that goes on online and realize that eventually, some kind of "proof" and moving forward is the next step in finding a great partner.  It's all just part of the online game, unfortunately.  You have to protect yourself, but you have to move forward, too. 




ShiftedJewel -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 9:24:41 AM)

Hell, I've been known to agree to talk on the phone within 24 hours of talking online to a sub/slave. But then again, I only give out my cell phone number to start off with and if they turn out to be serious pains in the back side I have a special ring that I give them... none. That way I don't have to even know they called.
 
My attitude is simple, at the very best it could be the "one", and at the very worst it could be some psycho that would end up stalking me and eventually they would end up buried on my friends farm... no big deal. lol
 
Yeah, I'm cocky like that. But at least I'm willing to prove that I am who and what I say I am.
 
Jewel

edited to add this was just a general reply




LadyEllen -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 10:05:03 AM)

Yup. Aint they a pain in the neck, these blokes in frocks.............?

If youre talking guys pretending to be gals online, for kicks or whatever, then of course this is a problem - it happens here in the UK too, though for what reason they do it apart from kicks of some sort, I dont know. You can easily detect them normally though - in text they tend to have worse spelling and grammar and use male words and turns of phrase, on the phone they do these latter too even if they can feign a female voice (which is quite possible, without electronic assistance with the right training and practice), and when and if you meet them, its usually pretty obvious even if theyre crossdressed because of physical differences in faces, hands etc between male and female.

Thing is though, these sorts will never want to phone usually, and they will never want to meet usually, preferring to hide behind a PC and maybe post pics gleaned from websites etc that are obviously professional. Usually they claim to be 25 and pick an appearance and character that is more designed by their own image of a dream woman than any real woman - another giveaway often. In the UK, you can find dozens of such profiles on CM, some with and some without the stolen pic, and often too these are the ones who say they are online only and require tribute, and demand ridiculously grovelling approaches from those who contact them.

If youre talking someone like me then youre going to be pretty much in the dark until and unless I tell you, if youre anything like most. Most can look at my pics and have no idea, most could talk to me on the phone and have no idea, most could meet me and have no idea. So, none of your strategies are going to work there, but then if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and waddles like a duck, its a duck.

But what the heck - you should proceed unencumbered by such worries; to act otherwise might be to prejudice your interactions with her who might well be the one. Its a pain in the neck of course when hopes are scattered by a fake, but is it really any worse than when hopes are scattered for some other reason?

If it really worries you, then all you can do really is to go slowly and steadily. If things are going well, then if she's genuine the chances are she will want you to call her when she's ready, but I'd beware of a lady who didnt want a phonecall or meet if things are going so well that such is the next apparent step.

E




FelinePersuasion -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 10:18:11 AM)

If I like the person and the chemistry for online chatting is right I will suggest speaking on the phone that very day.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

I don't believe it's wrong but of course some people are not comfortable talking to a person on the phone after a week...but then I'm not a dominant




thetammyjo -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 10:35:09 AM)

It doesn't hurt to ask for a phone call, afterall what's the worst that could happen? The answer "no" -- you can't die from getting a "no".

Personally I like to talk for a couple of weeks before a phone call to just see if the interests lasts more than a few days.




cloudboy -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 10:39:16 AM)


Unreality is part of cyberspace's charm.




MissSCD -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 10:42:23 AM)

This one is a bit different, but I look at it this way.  Most of us have been played before in this lifestyle in one form or the other.  Don't give up.  Someone will come along for you.

Regards, MissSCD




JerryGreen -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 10:42:39 AM)

It could be worse
http://www.unc.edu/depts/jomc/academics/dri/idog.html




MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 10:57:19 AM)

If you talk to people online, chances are, they aren't who they say they are.   That's just a reality.

Talking on the phone and meeting within a few weeks "helps" in vetting people out, as does getting out and getting involved in your local scene.  However, if you want to use this medium to meet people....then you need to understand that the BS is all part of the package.




MiladyElaine -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 11:13:43 AM)

I don't like to be pushed but do suggest a phone conversation after a couple of weeks.  I actually had a sub tell ME that HE wasn't ready!




MysticFireTopaz -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 11:42:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmackNMe

I need to ask the mistresses here how they deal with a hetero male sub that has been deceived by a man posing as a mistress.  I want to continue seeking out a mistress but after a recent wake up call, I am reluctant.   I found out a person I was IM'ing was really a man when he slipped up and exposed his gender on IM. 

Is it wrong to ask a mistress to speak on the phone after about a week of talking back and forth?


Sorry to hear of your experience.
 
Generally, I will suggest talking to a sub on the phone myself after exchanging several e-mail with him and chatting in IM"s a time or two.  I would not consider it wrong to ask to speak on the phone after about a week if you have been exchanging e-mail and/or chatting in IM's.  If she isn't comfortable, I'm sure she will let you know.  There is no harm in asking.
 
The only thing I find offensive is a sub replying to my ad with a phone number and telling me to call him right away.  That just ain't gonna happen.  Sometimes a sub includes a phone number in an inital e-mail, but doesn't tell me to call him.  I don't think it's wise on his part to provide a phone number to a virtual stranger, but it doesn't really offend me. 
 
Usually I am the one to bring up talking on the phone, but I would not be offended if a sub brought it up first (after we had gotten to know each other a bit).  If I felt I wasn't ready for that step, I would just let him know. 
 
Lady Topaz




hereyesruponyou -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 1:49:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Personally I like to talk for a couple of weeks before a phone call to just see if the interests lasts more than a few days.


TOTALLY AGREE!!!  You need to see the other side where we often get bombarded by people who really have no long term interest. And after 2-3 days (or less) just disappear. When i chat or email you online i am already evaluating your potential for me. Guys who are very excited when we first talk do not necessarily impress me as they tend for me to be the ones who go poof, or who talk for 2-3 days then nothing for a month then talk to me like we were just together yesterday.

I am looking for someone who WANTS to commit to me. Show me that and we can talk on the phone, meet, or more.  If you want to suggest talking on the phone you might want to offer her your number (don't just type it in) and suggest she use *67 to hide her number from you. It might make her more willing to try sooner (it does with me).

Good luck on your search. There are more of us real people out here than it sometimes seems :)




LadyPact -> RE: It's really a MAN (3/16/2007 2:57:33 PM)

No, I don't think it's wrong at all.  Personally, I'm not a big fan of phone.  I am, however a GREAT advocate of cam!  Before anybody wigs out, I'm not talking about x-rated, let's do the cyber nookie while we watch each other kind of cam.  I'm talking about a g-rated face shot that allows to see the person on the other side.  Phone or mic can be added if it is essential to hear the voice.  Truth be told, I won't even accept an offer to meet for a drink UNLESS I can verify what a person looks like.  Otherwise, it tends to be a waste of My time.  Technology is a wonderful thing, isn't it?




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