RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 4:15:10 PM)
quote: She also then makes other decisions without consulting me. Gee and you were hoping to get so much work out of her! Why not tell the others that she is new and not to let her make discisions? Or are you just bitching that she isn't allowing you to micromanage her without spending any time with her to micromanage her? quote: she is new and has not even had the time as yet to bond with me as there have been lots of ex partner problems also . So you take on a submissive with issues in the middle of a project you have her working on. Did you just hope to take her on, use her, all withough putting any time into it? Do you often pick troubled submissives and then bitch that they are troubled? quote: She has caused lots of damage within the group by mucking people about and almost broken the team up and caused me undue stress. YOU caused the drama, she is yours. quote: She is wearing me down and comparing me with other dominants in the group and telling me I should do this and that. Maybe she is right? quote: Im tired of punishing her and working with her and am no longer interested in working with her in the team nor playing or bonding with her. Uh, you have said over and over again you haven't had time to spend with her but now you have spent hours and hours with her? Punishing isn't the path to good behavior, it just makes idiot male dom's wankers cocks hard. BONDING? Your kidding yourself here. quote: Am I right to feel like this? and what would your reaction be? Perhaps. My reaction would be to kick you out and probably the drama queen you were dumb enough to get involved in.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 5:17:46 PM)
I think you have alot of outside things going on that might be affecting your time spent with the submissive. There isn't a spot in your life right now to deal with the unruly sub and your group projects. It just makes for a bad combo. One should go, the unruly sub or the group thing.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 5:28:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeachMystress Now that I've told you what I'd do with this sub at this point, I'll tell you what I'd have done all along. First off, I'd not have had a submissive that was too new to have bonded with you doing unsupervised work for you. Bonding with the sub is the first order of business and without this, there isn't a basis for the power exchange. As a Dominant, you have the responsibility to train the submissive in how you want things done. When you take on a new sub, they have nothing to fall back on and need extra guidance. I'd have done work with the sub in protocol, focus, overall control, ego control and manners. From your post, it sounds like you only punished, rather than doing training to correct the problems. There is more to being a Dominant than giving commands and expecting them to be obeyed. [sm=applause.gif]..My thoughts exactly!...thank you for voicing this opinion better than I could of..Tempting

BeachMystress -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 5:39:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears quote: ORIGINAL: daddyspankz Leave her in the closet for most of the day .... A couple of days of this .... He didn't mean he left her there for days, just that he employed this method each day she did not improve. If that's his way, who are we to judge - if his sub is happy and she accepts this kind of training or treatment then it works for them. He did state he leaves the sub in the closet for most of the day, multiple days in a row. As this is a post about dealing with a submissive who has transgressed, our honest opinions should be put forth when we feel someone has suggested something harmful or not likely to work. (And no, I don't feel this would be harmful, just not likely to work and probably would make the situation worse if the Dominant wished to keep the sub in question.. which the OP stated that she doesn't.) In the case of a sub who already doesn't have a connection with a Dominant, sticking them in a closet isn't going to do a lick of good. When an opinion is put forth on a board, we have every right to "judge" it and give our feedback as to our opinion of the effectiveness.

myobedience -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 5:50:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mistressnfantasy I haved had the problem of my submissive making team work decisions and then changing her mind. She also then makes other decisions without consulting me. she is new and has not even had the time as yet to bond with me as there have been lots of ex partner problems also . I read no further than this in your post!! Do you not see the mis-judgment of involving her to begin with? You have not bonded, no matter the reason, but qualify her as part of a team not knowing how well she works with you let alone a team??????

velvetears -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 6:25:50 PM)
i might not agree with his methods either, but i am not going to call him a wanker. He has every right to state his opinion as well.

MasterNdorei -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 6:27:55 PM)
If you have lost your desire to be with her, of course you should end the relationship, or agreements you have with her. "lots of ex partner problems"... Just this situation hints at the possibility that at least one of you was not in a good space to begin a relationship before all the rest of your problems surfaced. Something to think about for the future. Master's dorei

chrissyslave -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 7:05:02 PM)
I concur with Sir SimplyMichael, just from a gut reaction stand point as pasrt of the responsibilities seem to fall on both sides of this relationship sword...but the key question is who's hand does the power sword lay? Be a true Mistress and contain her, or admit you have not the true power to do so in this case, and let this one go...likely to a more experienced One who would not in effect set themselves up for failure. Which is most important to you?...this play area or your dominance over this one? Do the right correction or cut her loose! But from the tone/content I think releasing her is the most likely outcome. chrissyslave

jadein -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 7:33:32 PM)
Last night I went out to my first munch with my husbands encouragment (to give a lil' background, my husband has just recently started to realize he is Dominant, while I've known for a few years that I was submissive and just over this past year started talking to him about the lifestyle... since we are now communicating much much better and really making a try for this we are having some issues switching focus because of old roles we used to be in.) Anyways, I was going to meet a couple that have been helping us on our journey through emails and IM conversations. I asked the Dom this question ... My husband is having trouble sometimes keeping control because He's unsure and this is all so new to him. ( We are sitting down this week to establish some ground rules for us as a D/s couple rather than the vanilla one we've been) Our Dom friend stated this ... if a situation is out of control it's because I allow it to be. If there is a major breakdown it's because I missed the warning to that breakdown. He went on to explain in a lot more detail ... but it really made sense to me. He did also go on about how I need to be working harder on trying not to revert back to my old ways ... but that's besides the point of this post. Most everyone here has already said it .... but if this is going on, it's because you allowed it to go on. Punishment doesn't work if there has not been any training in the first place. That was another question I had asked our Dom friend ... shouldn't I have gotten punished for this ____________ (behavior). He explained that right now it is like my husband and I are starting all over as a couple again ... new trust, new level of respect, new boundaries, ect. ... so my husband needs to train me in how he wants me to be as his submissive, not just his wife ... I don't know I'm rambling ... Anyways, goodluck with whatever you decide.

Sinergy -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 7:38:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mistressnfantasy She is wearing me down and comparing me with other dominants in the group and telling me I should do this and that. Since you asked, I would point out that you have every right to feel whatever you feel. As does she. I had a submissive once who liked to do this sort of emotional blackmail crap about "if you were more Dominant like those other Dominants, you would." I pointed out to her as I removed her collar forever that I wished her success in her search for Dominants like those other ones who would do whatever. But this is just me and I could be wrong. Sinergy

SimplyMichael -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 9:02:55 PM)
quote: i might not agree with his methods either, but i am not going to call him a wanker. He has every right to state his opinion as well. Great, I think women like you should have their tongues cut out and forced to serve wankers the rest of their lives.

SimplyMichael -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 9:05:21 PM)
Chris, Please do NOT call me Sir, I want nothing to do with you. I have NO idea what you "concured" with in my post because the rest of your post is the sort of tripe that makes me vomit and want to punch someone.

chrissyslave -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/17/2007 10:59:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Chris, Please do NOT call me Sir, I want nothing to do with you. I have NO idea what you "concured" with in my post because the rest of your post is the sort of tripe that makes me vomit and want to punch someone. The name "sir" was only used as a title of respect, not position....fine if you dont' want that, and you dont' seem to deserve it regardless. But my name isn't "Chris" and that is reflecting you being the plain rude AHole you are being tonight. You said "YOU caused the drama, she is yours." and I concured and added with a similiar "Be a true Mistress and contain her, or admit you have not the true power to do so in this case, and let this one go...likely to a more experienced One who would not in effect set themselves up for failure" so it sounded pretty similar to me. I certainly have the right to concur, or not, with something said without you saying in effect I don't have the right to post a response, and especially as it was done with respect, of which you don't want to have from myself. I assume then it's okay to call you "Mike" then? BTW, I think that your booth at the Lady Thorn affair as a meeting place for CM people is likely to have few people show up. Good luck. Chrissy- PW

velvetears -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/18/2007 8:14:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: i might not agree with his methods either, but i am not going to call him a wanker. He has every right to state his opinion as well. Great, I think women like you should have their tongues cut out and forced to serve wankers the rest of their lives. Rudeness does not become a dom. You know nothing about me.

afeathr -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/18/2007 9:09:04 AM)
I agree with the others that said your feelings are always right, even when we think they may be wrong. It's like trying to tell someone they are not in pain -- how would you know if they are or not. You feel the way you feel regardless of what others think. However, I see several things going on here, and it appears the problem is issues with overlapping... and... not a lot of information was given, but this is what I gained from what you did write: 1) You are in some sort of a business arrangement with this person 2) You are in a D/s relationship with this person 3) You are in a "relationship" with this person These three dynamics can be incredibly hard to juggle, but especially the business one. It wouldn't be a crime to let her go, finish your project (with or without her, but be professional about it) then see what happens when things calm down a bit, because starting a new relationship with a new submissive AND starting a large project at the same time is not really a wise decision, in my opinion. Though others have said you brought this on yourself (and you did -- you have to admit that) you also have the power to change it all by utilizing your skills. This is a very high energy situation, it will require a lot of time and effort on your part, and could reap great results -- or it could turn into a huge fiasco and burn you up completely. You decide if you are willing to take the risk, how much time/energy/effort you are willing to put in, and what results you expect to gain.

KnightofMists -> RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive (3/18/2007 10:29:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: afeathr I agree with the others that said your feelings are always right, even when we think they may be wrong. It's like trying to tell someone they are not in pain -- how would you know if they are or not. You feel the way you feel regardless of what others think. I don't agree that are feelings are always Right!... I do agree that we have a right to have the feelings we have.. but it does make them right... The reason I look it this way is becuase our feelings are the result of our perception of a given situation. The perception itself might not be complete... in that sometimes we are missing a vital piece of information that can change how we see things as they are and thus our feelings of the situation would change. I agree that our feelings of a given situation will be right to the perception we have ... but our perception of the situation maybe inaccurate and thus our feelings are based on an inaccurate perception. I suppose that is why we find communication to be such an important foundation for relationship success. Getting all partners on the same page (a shared perception) then we can deal with the feelings that orginate from that shared perception.

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