New Dom Seeking Help

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BadGuysAlwaysWin -> New Dom Seeking Help (4/5/2005 1:21:54 AM)
I'm a fairly new Dom; my first relationship didn't work because, although she and I connected on a very deep level (she showed me I was a Dom), our age difference (I'm 21, she's 39) and her being bound to someone else (happened as we were getting close, not before) made her push me away hard. I found another sub, but she is more of a slave; gets frustrated when we don't immediately start having kinky sex, wants to feel very owned. We met and got close, but only after she bound herself to me, she admitted that she was married. I want to let her go, because that isn't right, but haven't found a way yet that won't damage her. I'm the first person who has been able to own her; her husband isn't a Dom at all, and she had no idea she wanted it until we met (note, her ring was off). I'm feeling horrible because I'm coming between a marriage. She's moving to New Zealand with the husband and kids soon, and wants to continue a long distance relationship. We see eachother online in the same chat rooms every day, rooms I don't want to quit and don't want to make her quit. Any help? I know we have to end it and she has to go back to her husband... but even the cybersex we've had has shaken her hard.

ProtagonistLily -> RE: New Dom Seeking Help (4/5/2005 3:32:35 AM)
quote: I want to let her go, because that isn't right, but haven't found a way yet that won't damage her. I'm the first person who has been able to own her; her husband isn't a Dom at all, and she had no idea she wanted it until we met (note, her ring was off). I'm feeling horrible because I'm coming between a marriage. She's moving to New Zealand with the husband and kids soon, and wants to continue a long distance relationship. We see eachother online in the same chat rooms every day, rooms I don't want to quit and don't want to make her quit. Any help? I know we have to end it and she has to go back to her husband... but even the cybersex we've had has shaken her hard. My 2 cents here...run, fast. She lied to you about being married, that should have been a huge red flag. How can you own someone who belongs to someone else? This is a story that's heard over and over. She's manipulating you and you are letting her. Stop going to the chat room if you are serious about severing this relationship. you are young, both in years and in the lifestyle; odd things happen to people who are just starting out sometimes. You have an opportunity here to grow or fester, the choice is yours. If you can't take care of yourself first, how can you take care of a submissive? Do yourself a favor, get off the internet and go meet real people. Chat rooms don't mean shit where kink is concerned. It's way too easy to make shit up, be dishonest and get way too invested emotionally. Ultimately, it's shallow and empty and in a very weird way, entirely too safe to appear sane and be an absolute nutter. I'm sure there's a BDSM organization in your area, or at least within 200 miles. You may think that there aren't any legitimate kinky people where you are, but there are. We are all over the place. Find us...and find your place in real life. Lily

onceburned -> RE: New Dom Seeking Help (4/5/2005 5:21:15 AM)
If you go to Caryl's Page http://www.drkdesyre.com and click on the the "Meet People" link you will be able to find a listing of Southern California groups and munches.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: New Dom Seeking Help (4/5/2005 5:43:32 AM)
quote: She lied to you about being married, that should have been a huge red flag. How can you own someone who belongs to someone else? Well being married isn't the same as belonging to another...but agree on the lying part. Also agree that this is all BS, she's a slave but she pushes you to get her jollies off, she needs you to give her exactly what she wants to make her feel like she wants- otherwise she guilts you. Life is rough, but she'll survive, specially all the way across the globe. The question is- can you stand up for yourself?

Mercnbeth -> RE: New Dom Seeking Help (4/5/2005 9:45:56 AM)
quote: I found another sub, but she is more of a slave; gets frustrated when we don't immediately start having kinky sex, wants to feel very owned. We met and got close, but only after she bound herself to me, she admitted that she was married. BGAW, Damn, an indication that someone is a slave is that they get frustrated when they don't immediately have kinky sex. I never knew that. I don't think in any of the old sub/slave debates that was mentioned. Who says you can't learn stuff here. Am I so out of touch to think that knowing someones relationship status is a REQUIREMENT? And once the LIE was discovered it's still incumbent for the Dominant party to consider the feelings of the submissive? BDAW, in the future don't forget a Dom is allowed feelings too. BDAW - You didn't come between her marriage - SHE came between her marriage. She is not a slave and hardly a sub based upon the attitude you represent she had. She is a "sensationalist" - just looking for a feeling. The subject of last sentence may be the give away - "Cybersex". Maybe this can only happen in the realm of make believe. As the world celebrates the life of JP II perhaps his words are appropriate. An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded. Pope John Paul II

FelinePersuasion -> RE: New Dom Seeking Help (4/5/2005 12:54:51 PM)
Did you even bother to ask if she was married or did you just assume no ring no marriage. If you asked an she lied it's her discretion if you just assumed it's on your head.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: New Dom Seeking Help (4/5/2005 1:38:19 PM)
I'd have to disagree with that. While there are harmless assumptions, where everyone can go "oops" and laugh about later, this was hardly a harmless assumption and I put the onus on the wife for deliberately not bringing up the marriage. Lies of misinformation and lies of ommission are just as bad as blatantly lying. While this guy might have some character faults and issues at stake here, I don't think blaming him for someone else's deception is appropriate.

sputniklove -> RE: New Dom Seeking Help (4/5/2005 9:22:39 PM)
[[image] quote: I want to let her go, because that isn't right, but haven't found a way yet that won't damage her. I'm the first person who has been able to own her [/image]; If this woman has lied to you about her marriage,or forgot or omitted this fact, then what makes you think this is honest as well? After all this is not as if someone is saying, I forgot your middle name or your favorite meal,she forgot to tell you she was married, but YOU are the only one who may own her or be able to.....does not sound like all cards are face up if even on the table....cyber...another concept though fun not based in a RT world right, won't damage her? is she not moving to another country with a family....another idea she overlooked.....these are as quoted blatant lies,not simple omissions. I think you should A) run, B)don't look back C) worry about YOU and D) see where she will be with her new life, undoubtly she will contact you, you will be in a better postion,both mentally,and physically to make descions then.....and if she does not perhaps there is a new Dom waiting to be the "first" to own her...... " not all that glitters is gold"

Kinkypupper -> RE: New Dom Seeking Help (4/6/2005 4:58:51 PM)
Something here just does NOT sound right..

SirKenin -> RE: New Dom Seeking Help (4/6/2005 6:30:24 PM)
Oh how I love Mercnbeth. sigh As usual, right to the point. No fuss, no muss, there it is folks. I agree with them completely. Again. Well done, Mnb....as always.

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