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Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/6/2005 4:43:42 PM

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So this concept started in another thread, yes. But that poor little thread got so much abuse that I'm thinking this particular topic needs it's own fresh start. Besides, I think many avoid that other thread like the plague now.

So the concept is teasing out masculinity. It started to get on topic here. But Bella, I believe has summed it up nicely:

quote:

ORIGINAL: GddssBella
"Teasing out" a male's inner masculinity is something I actually snitched from Angelika. I just liked the term so well. (#163) It must be done with grace & subtlety. Overt actions sometimes backfire & have disastrous consequences. I believe that masuclinity embraces all that is best in a man. Chivalry, courtesy, charisma, dignity, charm, wit, etc. I further believe that all males have these traits possible within themselves. It is a matter of re-introducing a male to their inner gentleman.

From the male sub perspective, we have the following incredible statement:

quote:

ORIGINAL: PassionateNights
I work hard and am successful by most measures. I move through the world with a fair amount of confidence and presence. And yet.....I absolutely need at the core of my being to kneel before a Dominant woman and give her all that I am. To find ways to please her and anticipate her needs....My masculinity is completely seperate from my submission and just who I am. I find that there are Dommes who enjoy taking a powerful man and owning him (thank the universe for that!).

Then we started talking about techniques....

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady
Nothing comes close to watching a strong masculine male baking a chocolate cake, setting the table, or decorating cookies because he wants to. The contrasts are just too delicious.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
My personal favorite is watching one in a towel or pair of boxers carrying my plate to me

This is not a total summary, but it gives us an overview. Now....

... anymore techniques Ladies? And for you boys, what has worked in the past or what can you imagine working?

N.B.: There is nothing wrong with teasing out the feminine side of a man and/or feminization. That is an entirely different topic and feel free to start a parallel thread. I actually would have great techniques to contribute believe it or not! Please however, respect that some of us would like to discuss this topic. Many thanks.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/6/2005 5:05:17 PM

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Although I can not say what works for me, I would like to pass along a well written essay which I think has good advice:

quote:

Women expect and need men to act like men. That doesn't mean to be domineering, obviously, especially not if you are after a dominant dame. What it means is don't be a delicate blossom, a wimpy little shrinking violet. Women do not get wet for wallflowers. We need to feel wanted, we want to know you desire us.

Want to know how to be attractive to women? Give women something they want. Women *love* nice guys! Women *need* nice guys, like _heroes_, and _healers_. So, pick one: hero or healer, and be that with all your heart as if your whole life depends upon it. Otherwise, pal, you ain't gettin' any, and even the angels won't weep for you.

How Nice Guys Can Stop Finishing Last

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/6/2005 11:34:36 PM

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Laughs and grabs My post from the other thread.

One of the things I tell My submissives is that I want them to be self-confident and bursting with pride. I want them to hold their heads high in life and know that they are valuable. My feeling is that if a male has enough pride in who he is then he can be a gentleman easily because he is not trying to prove his masculinity to the world. He just is masculine. I remind them that they have something vanilla males never have. They KNOW that when they go home at night they are pleasing their Lady. They KNOW that they are behaving in a correct way. They never have to worry about being "good enough" in bed or in the relationship. This allows them to take great pride in who they are and makes room for more tender feelings and courtly behaviours because they are feeling secure.

Gentle Lady

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 3:51:14 AM

Soapy

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quote:

How Nice Guys Can Stop Finishing Last

I book marked this. This is so true, even completely outside of the BDSM world.

A big mega "ditto" from me.

I have known and still know so many men who need to hear this. I am going to write away to Laura to ask for permission to filter out the bdsm parts so I can post it elsewhere on some vanilla sites.

Beyond this issue I think too many people just believe what is said without ever reading between the lines to see what is true for themselves.

In this case, no matter who says what, in the end, 99% of the time women want men.

(in reply to onceburned)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 4:30:41 AM

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quote:

My feeling is that if a male has enough pride in who he is then he can be a gentleman easily because he is not trying to prove his masculinity to the world. He just is masculine. I remind them that they have something vanilla males never have. They KNOW that when they go home at night they are pleasing their Lady. They KNOW that they are behaving in a correct way. They never have to worry about being "good enough" in bed or in the relationship. This allows them to take great pride in who they are and makes room for more tender feelings and courtly behaviours because they are feeling secure.

Oh wow! My boy told me the other day that one of the best things about being with me was that he didn't have to worry about where he stood with me because I always let him know.

I love the way you put in GentleLady. It is so very beautiful.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GentleLady)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 4:38:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned
Although I can not say what works for me, I would like to pass along a well written essay which I think has good advice:
How Nice Guys Can Stop Finishing Last

I think it's a brilliant article. I'm not sure I need a hero or a healer. I like a guy to just be himself, have goals, ambition and be ready to do some self-actualization. But many parts of this article is very good and I'm sure most will find some wisdom in it.

Thank you chris :)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to onceburned)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 5:03:52 AM

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I absolutely love a masculine man. I love the chivalry and courtesy and so on and so on, in fact, I insist on it. When we go out I never touch a door handle, I will stand there in front of the door waiting for him to open it for me... I also hand him my coat so that he can help me on with it. I think it brings out the chivalry in them and makes me feel "taken care of", if that makes any sense?

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 4:57:43 PM

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From: Hollywod, Ca
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I think it is so coool that you let your subie know where he is in a relationship.

I wish that I knew where I stood in a relationship. I have only been seeking relationships with Dommes for six months. So I am in new and unsure territory. I have been blessed by finding someone who fills my heart with joy. She invites me to prepare a meal and serve at her monthly photoshoot for her new Web site. I made one of my favorites chicken cacciatore. Everybody loved my cooking. I enjoyed serving the Dommes so much. There were four Dommes and two subies. The other subie left when the fourth Mistress affived with her slave. The photo shoot went well with the mascoist having most of the attention. I did a scene with my lady and her friend. Actually it was my first time on the receiving end. My first time was a little OTK with a Goddess, my lady friend's friend, earlier in the evening. The entire evening went really great. But since then we have not communicated. She did not read my email, nor send one of her own. So everything went from really hot to cold.

My delema is what to do? Did something go wrong? The entire evening went so very well and I loved serving her and her friends, then she drove me home. I only live two miles from her friend, here in Hollwood. Only two more weeks I get the cast off of my broken foot and then I can drive again.

So here I am waiting to see what she will do.

But I guess my question is this: is there a more masculine option?

Respectfully
little spike

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 6:56:54 PM

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quote:

But I guess my question is this: is there a more masculine option?

What do you mean by "a more masculine option?" Do you mean a more masculine way to respond? All you can do is extend a greating, invitation, proposal her way and wait for her to respond. If she doesn't have the grace to respond, then you know you need too keep looking for a woman who has the courage to communicate with you. That, in my opinion, is the chivalrous thing to do.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Spike1777)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 7:14:18 PM

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I have to add this. I came home tonight and slipped in a little Leonard Cohen and it all came together...

I'm Your Man
-Leonard Cohen

If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you
If you want a partner
Take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
I'm your man

If you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor
I'll examine every inch of you
If you want a driver
Climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride
You know you can
I'm your man

Ah, the moon's too bright
The chain's too tight
The beast won't go to sleep
I've been running through these promises to you
That I made and I could not keep
Ah but a man never got a woman back
Not by begging on his knees
Or I'd crawl to you baby
And I'd fall at your feet
And I'd howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And I'd claw at your heart
And I'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please
I'm your man

And if you've got to sleep
A moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
I'll disappear for you
If you want a father for your child
Or only want to walk with me a while
Across the sand
I'm your man

If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 9:31:48 PM

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From: Hollywod, Ca
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I am hoping that she will want to do the same thing next month. Then we could work on a playful relationship.

Sending an inviation her way is a good idea. But should profess my love and ask her to assume complete control over my life.

My question: is there a more masculine activity that I could invite my beautiful Domme to?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 10:26:33 PM

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No offense, but if she isn't replying to you, then she isn't 'your Domme' - it would appear that she, like tons of other people in the world have done to others, used you for what she wanted and is now done with you. Hopefully I am wrong, but if you have sent messages and she hasn't replied, I would send one more, and only one more - requesting to know where you stand with her, as you thought that you were building quite a nice relationship with her - and if she doesn't reply to that one, move on.

And LA - great song

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 4/7/2005 10:27:11 PM >

(in reply to Spike1777)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/7/2005 11:09:23 PM

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Well actually there is one message that was unanswered. My thanks for a very pleasureable event. It sits there unread in her mailbox. I decided to wait instead of flooding her inbox with email. I have both her and her friends cell phone numbers. I guess that I could simply call.

Actually we met back in Febuary. We were both at the hollywood fetish night. I was really enjoying some whip action the Dommes were doing on a machoist. A couple of weeks later we met again at the local fetish night. We talked and laughed a little.

But at the time I was enslaved to a local Domme that I followed to LA. My, then Domme, saw my new friend and myself and dumped me the next day. Really made a scene in the local FemDom SoCal group. First time I was ever caught with another woman.

I broke my foot a few days later. So I can not go to the hollywood local fetish night. In a couple of weeks the caste will be off. It really is a pain to move around on crutches.

I am greatful to have found her again, on this fine Web site. And her invite to an evening of servitude. I must have a servitude fetish.

I read somewhere in this forum that it is common for a Domme or sub to jump back after an encounter. I am sure that I can show some patients. I certainly do deeply love this person. And am hoping that she will invite me to the next photoshoot party for some servitude. This last time we did a scene with her and her friend on top of me where the Dommes were intently turning my butt a deep shade of red. I really enjoyed being photographed.

well no question about teasing out masculinity this time.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/8/2005 4:33:56 AM

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quote:

well no question about teasing out masculinity this time

Which is unfortunate, as this is what this thread is about. Though we can all be sympathetic to a "she didn't write me back" story, I have no idea what it is doing in a thread entitled Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity.

So now Ladies & gentlemen, do we have anything else to say on the subject?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Spike1777)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/8/2005 10:54:23 AM

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well, our boy just finished fixing us breakfast ... it's great to have a boy who loves to cook.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/8/2005 11:39:45 AM

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I was trying to find a more masculine viewpoint. Guessing that by explaining what is goin on, I could find some more masculine prospective in a female superior relationship. I am hoping that this relationship continues; she finally wrote back.

I have only been prusuing a female dominated relationship for six months or since about September of last year. The masculine role in the female superior relationship is really quite confusing to me. And ways of mainfesting masculinity would certainly be worth a little teasing. Help in "teasing out" some masculinity in my new relationship(s) is certainly what caused me to post in this fine thread.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/11/2005 11:06:18 PM

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Spike 177

I think you might have misinterpreted the subject matter of the thread....the subject is not teasing males but how to coax males into being more "masculine" in their general behaviour and attitudes instead of them bending over backwards trying to show Us that they agree that females are equal and can do everything by themselves. We are saying that we want them to give up their seats on buses and push Our chairs in at a meal.

Gentle Lady

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to Spike1777)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/11/2005 11:26:26 PM

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One of the things I found helpful was that I praise the male whenever he acts like a gentleman.....it may just be an extra warm smile or a light touch on the arm or straight telling him how much the action meant to Me. This reinforces the concept that this behaviour is desirable. I also give them roughly two seconds to do the desired behaviour before I do it Myself.

For example, if something heavy has to be moved they have only so long to move it or I do it. I grab the second load of groceries from the trunk so they had better take the heavy stuff on the first load themselves and get back down the stairs to take the bags from Me. My coffee cup sits empty for maybe 30 seconds before I get up and put the kettle on. I do not reprimand them for not doing it and I do not waste My time telling them every time they should be doing something. They do however get ignored. And they also know that if I am tired from doing too much then there will be absolutely nothing later.

My rational is that I will reward good or desired behaviour to encourage it. I will not punish wrong behaviour but I do make it clear that there are consequences. If I am tired or unhappy I withdraw. If I am happy and relaxed and rested, then I am active in ways that they enjoy. The choice is up to them. Household tasks still have to be done and will be done either by Me or by them.

I make it clear at the start what type of behaviour I am looking for (and exactly what that is...ie....coffee cup refilled without My asking for it) and I do remind them the first couple of weeks/days (depending on how often the opportunity comes up). I also tell them point blank that if I am not happy I do not stay. If they want what I have to offer them then they tend to try very hard to keep Me happy. It benefits both of us.

Gentle Lady

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/12/2005 5:01:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

One of the things I found helpful was that I praise the male whenever he acts like a gentleman.....it may just be an extra warm smile or a light touch on the arm or straight telling him how much the action meant to Me. This reinforces the concept that this behaviour is desirable. I also give them roughly two seconds to do the desired behaviour before I do it Myself.

[...] I do not reprimand them for not doing it and I do not waste My time telling them every time they should be doing something. They do however get ignored. And they also know that if I am tired from doing too much then there will be absolutely nothing later.

You and I operate pretty much on the same principle. I believe very much that rewarding good behaviour works better then punishing bad behaviour. Let's face, I am looking for a mature man to be my partner, not a little boy looking for his mommy to guide him. That said, we all can do a little bit of growing.

I believe that making a man feel like a man is one of the best ways of ensuring he'll act like a man.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GentleLady)

RE: Techniques for "teasing out" masculinity - 4/12/2005 5:21:46 AM

Oumae

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

One of the things I found helpful was that I praise the male whenever he acts like a gentleman.....it may just be an extra warm smile or a light touch on the arm or straight telling him how much the action meant to Me. This reinforces the concept that this behaviour is desirable. I also give them roughly two seconds to do the desired behaviour before I do it Myself.

[...] I do not reprimand them for not doing it and I do not waste My time telling them every time they should be doing something. They do however get ignored. And they also know that if I am tired from doing too much then there will be absolutely nothing later.

You and I operate pretty much on the same principle. I believe very much that rewarding good behaviour works better then punishing bad behaviour. Let's face, I am looking for a mature man to be my partner, not a little boy looking for his mommy to guide him. That said, we all can do a little bit of growing.

I believe that making a man feel like a man is one of the best ways of ensuring he'll act like a man.

- LA

I'm with you both on this... it also gives them a chance to use their initiative and I do prefer that to a passive sub.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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