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allyC -> RE: Submissive or slave? (4/23/2005 2:20:04 AM)
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A cheery hello to everyone here!
Original by slaveanwyl
quote:
as to being a sub all slaves are submissive the only difference i can see is that a sub hold onto some aspects of control and has more say in things as well as be able to dictate when, how , if and such things
Boy this topic sure makes its way around and around *grin*
The way I look at it is the way Webster's looks at it. Submissive is an adjective. It describes a character/personality trait or behavior of a person. On the other hand, slave (a noun) is defined very simply as this: a person who is abjectly subservient to a dominating influence or force.
I'm a slave because I am abjectly subservient to my owner (the dominating influence or force) and also because that is how he defines me, however, I am not submissive as a personality or character trait. In fact, with the exception of those people who inspire me to feel or react submissively, I'm pretty darned dominant. I know a lot of dominant slaves. So sometimes the term "submissive" just doesn't fit in a general way.
I've also never really bought into the "a sub has limits but a slave doesn't" thing because (as stated in a previous post) we all have limits as human beings. People in a TPE relationship even have them. Maybe they are with someone who would never tell them to do the whole slave flambe thing, but regardless, they most likely would say no. In my case, my limits are defined by my owner as long as I wish to remain in his collar, however, I know I wouldn't set myself on fire without a damned good reason. *grin*
I think that we are all just people. In the lifestyle, the labels are supposed to be there so that people will know which side of the whip/collar/etc. that a person wishes to be on. I think that is why I've come to like the term bottom and top and I often wish they could just be universal words that give a vague idea as to where a person "stands" so to speak. That way we could just get to know each other to figure out which shade of gray each of us wears.
A bottom might be a submissive person and might not. A bottom may have surrendered to another or may not have. Either way, its a great label to say "Hey, I am on the bottom side of the D/s equation. I think with each person being different in their character, personality, behaviors, etc., the term "submissive" can be grossly innacurate whereas the word "bottom" doesn't imply personality at all - it simply implies position.
Elitism and the internet have done so much damage to the terms used in WIITWD. The word "subbie" for example has taken on an entirely negative connotation simply because elitist people have used it in a derogatory manner on the internet. It used to be that the word subbie was just a short, cute term for submissive. Now it implies a heck of a lot more - most of it not good.
Unfortunately labels are necessary but I still think that each individual is just that - an individual with different ways to express their lifestyle role. Unfortunately most labels are too finite, making us get pigeonholed into something that might not really fit. So whatever you call yourself, I will most likely get to know you if possible and figure out what your own shade of gray is... :)
Well wishes to everyone here!
Cav's surrendered beastie,
ally{C}
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