RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (Full Version)

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DawnFire -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 10:14:39 AM)

These are all very helpful posts.  Thanks guys.   I've written down a bunch of this and my expectations.  I'm going to explain it today while we go on a bit of a walk through nature.

I decided to ask him what being a submissive means to him and then define what it means to me and mesh our veiws.  He's a bit nervous about the whole thing so I'm going to talk about limits and my respect for them.  My basic premise is talking to him about what he absolutely can't handle me having control of right now (of course let him know that we'll redefine his limits later) and then explain how I'll take control of everything else and why and do it.

We've been going through the motions of a submissive relationship for quite some time, so he know's a bit of what to expect. Just making it a little more official and structured.  Thanks for everything guys.  If you have any more ideas I'd love to hear them too.



Cuckme4Life -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 2:10:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DianeB269

Make sure you do fuck him in the ass with a strapon at least once just to let him know you mean business.


Diane


Women like Diane make me believe in cloning  LOL!!!   Where can i find a Mistress DianeB269 clone or protege pupil with likeminded thinking?????



DianeB269 -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 2:41:22 PM)

I wish there were women like me too. When I was 9 years old a classmate showed me
his pee pee. I said, where's mine I don't have one, I want one.



SunNMoon -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 2:57:18 PM)

Hi DawnFire,
I hope the talk goes/went well. [:D]

Moon



MsRose -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 4:35:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DawnFire

These are all very helpful posts.  Thanks guys.   I've written down a bunch of this and my expectations.  I'm going to explain it today while we go on a bit of a walk through nature.

I decided to ask him what being a submissive means to him and then define what it means to me and mesh our veiws.  He's a bit nervous about the whole thing so I'm going to talk about limits and my respect for them.  My basic premise is talking to him about what he absolutely can't handle me having control of right now (of course let him know that we'll redefine his limits later) and then explain how I'll take control of everything else and why and do it.

We've been going through the motions of a submissive relationship for quite some time, so he know's a bit of what to expect. Just making it a little more official and structured.  Thanks for everything guys.  If you have any more ideas I'd love to hear them too.


I may have missed this, but if you're already at the point with your boyfriend where he is submissive and accepts his (and your) roles in the relationship, why do you need something more official and structured? Is this his choice, your choice or something you both want? Why?  Just curious.



DawnFire -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 7:26:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsRose

I may have missed this, but if you're already at the point with your boyfriend where he is submissive and accepts his (and your) roles in the relationship, why do you need something more official and structured? Is this his choice, your choice or something you both want? Why?  Just curious.



He was a little confused on what I expected and felt like he was letting me down.  It's something we both wanted.  Our conversation was almost amusing.  He didn't think he was acting like a sub should.  Apparently his version of what a sub should be is a doormat and while he didn't want to be one, he felt like he was letting me down if he wasn't.

So he wanted to be submissive to me but not a sub... if that makes any sense... because he didn't want to be treated or feel like a doormat.  I explained to him that I didn't want a doormat and that that wasn't what I thought of as a sub.  I told him I want him to have his own ideas and express them, but when it comes down to it, I make the decisions and I have authority.  We ended up talking about some general expectations and where we were going from here.  Tomorrow we're going to sit down and talk about a few simple rules and such.  He nervously asked me to take it slow with him and I plan to.

-Dawn



pixelslave -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 9:43:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DawnFire

He was a little confused on what I expected and felt like he was letting me down.  It's something we both wanted.  Our conversation was almost amusing.  He didn't think he was acting like a sub should.  Apparently his version of what a sub should be is a doormat and while he didn't want to be one, he felt like he was letting me down if he wasn't.

So he wanted to be submissive to me but not a sub... if that makes any sense... because he didn't want to be treated or feel like a doormat.  I explained to him that I didn't want a doormat and that that wasn't what I thought of as a sub.  I told him I want him to have his own ideas and express them, but when it comes down to it, I make the decisions and I have authority.  We ended up talking about some general expectations and where we were going from here.  Tomorrow we're going to sit down and talk about a few simple rules and such.  He nervously asked me to take it slow with him and I plan to.

-Dawn


That's excellent news!  I'd like to suggest that you consider writing a contract between the two of you to describe what is expected of each of you in your D/s relationship (there are many examples available on the net).  Be sure to add the proviso that it will be reviewed on a specific interval (I'd suggest something between every 4 to 6 months to start) so that you can renegotiate or redifine roles and limits as they naturally change with time. 
 
From what you describe, I think this type of thing might be very helpful to your submissive boyfriend in understanding just what is and isn't expected of him.  It might also be helpful to you as well in defining what you want from him, particularly as you see him develop and become more submissive toward you.  It's simply a tool that you may want to use, and not a legally binding instrument.
 
 - pixel



DawnFire -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 10:18:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

That's excellent news!  I'd like to suggest that you consider writing a contract between the two of you to describe what is expected of each of you in your D/s relationship (there are many examples available on the net).  Be sure to add the proviso that it will be reviewed on a specific interval (I'd suggest something between every 4 to 6 months to start) so that you can renegotiate or redifine roles and limits as they naturally change with time. 
 
From what you describe, I think this type of thing might be very helpful to your submissive boyfriend in understanding just what is and isn't expected of him.  It might also be helpful to you as well in defining what you want from him, particularly as you see him develop and become more submissive toward you.  It's simply a tool that you may want to use, and not a legally binding instrument.
 
 - pixel


Thanks.  I think I will look at some contracts and see about writing up one of my own.  Sounds like a great idea.



solvr70 -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/26/2007 5:44:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DawnFire

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 months and in that time we've experimented a bit with D/s.  He enjoys scenes and is truly a submissive but he's never heard anything about D/s culture.  He said he would like to try being my full time submissive for a while but he didn't know what his "role" would be.  I wanted to explain that this wasn't a game but I told him I'd explain everything next time we're together since he had to leave.
 
I need some help defining his "role", some simple rules to set out, and other various ideas.  If anyone could help I would really be grateful.
 
Thanks,
DawnFire



start and move slowly.

first a finger inside him while going down on him. guage his reaction.
next time, after one finger, move to two. buage his reacion
next time, after one, then two fingers, move to three.
if  goes well, time to make the next step to a moving from three to a handheld dildo
stick with the handheld dildo for a while. something tells me he'll be cumming like never before. hitting his own face, lips, over his head possibly even!
if that goes well, and it should, time to move to a strapon.

Diane said it best - Make sure you do fuck him in the ass with a strapon at least once just to let him know you mean business.

this all worked very well on me, and when it started, i was not even thinking of  loving the sub role as i do today.

*ws*



NicsBit -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/26/2007 9:05:07 AM)

I am sure you've checked this out over and over, but are you sure that he's 'properly' submissive and has an understanding of what is actually involved in being so?



ToGiveDivine -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/26/2007 10:07:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DawnFire

quote:

ORIGINAL:Griswold

Well, seeing that you're from Salt lake City, I'd inform him that you're, from this point forward, going to have multiple boyfriends.



Haha, yeah, apparently that's only in southern Utah.  And I am big on the loyalty thing anyway, it goes both ways.

-DawnFire


Multiple boyfriends has nothing to do with loyalty.  If you both agree that you could have other lovers (e.g. cuckolding), then that's not being disloyal.

You don't even have to be with other guys - just having the agreement that you "can" may be enough.  It isn't all about physical, it's about mental.

Some of the other posts have talked about his "submission" - it's a mental thing ... the physical actions are only proof of the submission, not the actual submission.

Just be honest with each other and things will go smoother and don't forget what is fantasy and what is real life.



DawnFire -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/27/2007 12:02:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NicsBit

I am sure you've checked this out over and over, but are you sure that he's 'properly' submissive and has an understanding of what is actually involved in being so?


Yeah, we had a long intimate discussion about that.  His self prolomations of "All I want to do is please you" and "I'll do anything you tell me to" were an obvious need to be submissive as far as I am concerned.  He said plenty of other things along the same lines and I explained what being a submissive to me would mean.  Rules, punishments for disobeying them, I have ultimate authority... etc.  We wrote up a contract together today and both signed it.  And he had the biggest goofiest smile on his face the whole time (can't say mine wasn't close, as much as I was trying to be a bit more composed...)

Anyway, yeah, I'm sure he's a submissive.  I'd have never started dating him if I wasn't.  Just because he didn't know anything about the lifestyle, doesn't mean he wasn't a sub.


Oh and ToGiveDivine You're absolutely right, multipul subs is not disloyal, especially if that's what you're into.  Neither of us is into chuckholding or polyamorous so it would be disloyal in a sense for me to go against what we've already discussed and decided against.  It's one of our limits.

-Dawn 



PhDslave -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/27/2007 8:01:24 AM)

i wasn't exactly vanilla at the time of my 'conversion', but i was dominant.

Keep dominating him in a loving, sexy way.

If he has any overly macho male friends, try to wean him away from them.

Empathize with the struggle he'll be going through. Be protective.



DawnFire -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/27/2007 8:36:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhDslave

i wasn't exactly vanilla at the time of my 'conversion', but i was dominant.

Keep dominating him in a loving, sexy way.

If he has any overly macho male friends, try to wean him away from them.

Empathize with the struggle he'll be going through. Be protective.


Lol, overly macho friends... that would be all of them.  We're in Utah.  Stupid state.  No offence to anyone else who lives here.  Thanks for the advice though. 



UNDERSTUD2 -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/27/2007 10:39:03 PM)

Hi,

I have been following this conversation with some interest. I am a submissive male, developing a relationship with a wonderful, dominant, woman.

What were the meaningful requirements of the contract you wrote?

Thanks.



DawnFire -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/27/2007 11:01:57 PM)

A lot of the contract was actually from another web site.  I'll send you a copy of the original, understud2.  But we added some provisions to the contract and got rid of a few. These are a few of them to give you a sense of what it was:

I agree:
To obey Her commands to the best of my ability.
To strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve Her and limit my growth as Her submissive.
To maintain honest and open communication.
To reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment.
To inform Her of wants and perceived needs, recognizing that She is the sole judge of this or how these shall be satisfied.
To strive toward maintenance of a positive self-image and development of realistic expectations and goals.
To work with Her to become a happy and self-fulfilled individual.
To work against negative aspects of my ego and my insecurities that would interfere with advancement of these aims.

It also explained that his body is mine to use how, where, and when I want.  And that this submission is what he wants.  That I have ultimate authority, etc.  There was a part in the original that was like an option to back out without much consideration and we modified that.  More for his security than anything else.



chastesubbie -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/28/2007 6:30:37 PM)

Sounds like a basis for a good begining defining your roles to each other. Also, since you have made it clear his body is yours to use as you see fit, you should establish control over his orgasms and make clear that he will only release when you want, how you want, and if you want. A male sub who is trained in orgasm control develops a very intense bond to his Mistress - You will become the focal point of a males most powerful mechanism for control. 



DrPleasure -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/31/2007 8:31:48 AM)

this whole thread is so hot.



pantysniffer777 -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (4/7/2007 12:16:58 PM)

all uhave to do is pee on him once he gets your Aroma in his head u willhavehim hooked permantely



DawnFire -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (4/11/2007 4:19:51 PM)

MysteryShopper wanted an update and I thought I might as well leave it on the original post.

Everything went better than I had hoped actually.  I figured he wanted to be my submissive.  Good thing I was right.  He has been extremely excited about any opportunity to serve me and learn what I want from him.  He begged my collar (I've only heard Doms refer to it like that, but that was the deal) just a week or two after that and we've had a collaring cerimony of sorts.  I didn't explain the meaning of different collars, and I'm not extremely symbolic, and don't really care about the "traditional" meaning,  We've had a collaring cerimony.  The meaning to the rest of the lifestyle is less important than the meaning to us.

He wears a braclet at all times to symbolize his submission to me and we are having a great time.  I'm glad I posted that and I'm glad we took that path.  I have been careful not to take it too fast, but he constantly surprises me with what he is ready for.  I wonder how long he was ready for it before I initiated the move.

Anyway, thank you all for your help.  If there was anything else anyone wanted to know about how it's been going, I'd love to share stories.

-Dawn



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