quote:

ORIGINAL: draba

I am a sub with an ED problem. Been that way since my first session. This is something that I have never understood, since I have fantasized about BDSM since puberty. I am now 51 and had my first session at 49. I could not get hard or cum on my first. I tried another Mistress and had similar problems, got hard a little but no cum. This was a double and eventually one of the two has collared me. In time as I got used to her, my cock has responded somewhat. She has tried to use my cock for her pussy but every time it goes soft . Once it did stay hard enough to enter her and then went soft inside. My Mistress tells me not to worry about it. ...Now comes the strange part. I am married and have no problem with my wife. I stay hard for her and make her orgasum several times. I do not always cum, but that is OK since she does. My Mistress always thought it was guilt and has accepted that I go soft on her due to guilt. But being the typical male I had to find out. I arranged for a vanilla encouter with someone and had no problem performing. In fact was able to go a couple of times. ........Perhaps it is performance fear or stage fright? Sometimes I feel I can not stake up to the number of other men that she may have had.
You wanted to hear from a sub/slave, now you did.
I have tried over the counter supplements and they have help, but I think Mistress has given up on my cock because I have had to service others for her to use and watch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

pixel,

Another exceptionally well written post, thank you for your reply!  Your experience with orgasm denial is not uncommon, and that is exactly the reason I never seriously deny a man his need to cum. 

On the feminine side of that issue: I spent far too many years unable to orgasm to EVER have someone tell Me not to cum - don't fuck with My orgasms, pardon the pun, because life is MUCH too short!  Now that I'm able to enjoy My sexuality again, I would never want it squelched and could never mistreat a sub in that way.

I'm thrilled you've found a Mistress who is working to restore your sensitivity by reversing the conditioning - you are a fortunate fellow, indeed.

Thanks for the post.

TexasMaam

Thank you for the very generous compliments Ma'am!  I am indeed very fortunate to have met a very loving, kind and generous Mistress through CM who is working patiently with me to undo the effects the previous long term training I've experienced with orgasm denial has left on my ability to orgasm at will.  I've no doubt the programming will be undone.  Its mostly a matter of time and her continuing to reinforce that its okay and safe for me to cum at any time I wish or can.  

You asked how others have let their partners know they were experiencing pleasure when the physical signs weren't obvious...  There are some activities where I may not always remain erect, for one reason or another.  Sometimes its simply because I'm sooo focused on pleasuring my partner in other ways that I don't think about my own.   At other times, particularly with certain activities, the sensations are sooo intense from my other erogenous zones, that the penis doesn't seem to come into play.    Finally, there's the issue that the largest sexual organ in my body is clearly my brain.    With all that having been said, I'm a fairly vocal person.  If my partner is pushing my buttons, I'm certainly going to moan, groan or tell her in words; and of late, frequently being known for babbling instead from someplace in sub-space.   

It still comes down to the basics ladies, communication is still the key...  A Mistress who talks to me, asks questions in a particular way or requires me to ask for what I want (I love being teased & to beg for even the simplest things), will certainly know if I'm having a good time!  She'll also likely see me moving in response, such as in rhythm to my partner's movements for example, to what, where or how she's touching/being intimate with me.  I guess it also depends on the activity and how or if I might be restrained.  I'd hope other Mistresses would see the same from their subs as well.  If a woman feels she doesn't know the true nature or meaning of her sub's response (or lack thereof) and might be guessing what it is or actually means, then perhaps she simply needs to ask?   

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Played with one who had total ED. It was disconcerting to be honest - how can one tell if its going well for him too, if there's no reaction?

E

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrPleasure

a HARD man REALLY is GOOD to find!

But, Viagra on the Internet is pretty easy. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

well pixel, one line of your response made me chuckle.....'perhaps she simply needs to ask'....

Like that would help.....most men lie!!!!!!!

lololol

another worthy post,thank you! TM

I have two unmentionables who are taught that telling lies will absolutely not be tolerated in my household.  When caught in a lie, continuing to hang on to it, gets even worse consequences for them than coming clean and acknowledging the truth.  I don't have a poker face at all, even telling "little white lies" to cover up a surprise for someone tends to show on my face.  As much as anything else, trying to remember the lies that have been told, is just far too much work as far as I'm concerned.  I find it easier to just tell the truth from the beginning and accept any consequences that are due if I've not met expectations should that be the case. 

When it comes to intimacy, there are unkind ways to tell the truth and then there are gentle/caring ways to share it as well.  No one's feelings need be hurt and no partner needs to suffer endlessly through sessions of poor or displeasing technique.  By not telling the truth, one partner can inadvertently teach the other to do things in an unpleasant way which they really don't like.  I think such behavior is a genuine shame.  It's a real disservice to both when it could easily be avoided through more honest communication.

Just a few thoughts from a man who doesn't believe lies or dishonesty are things that are an acceptable part of his dealings with others in his life, especially between those that are a close part of his life.  For me, there's no one closer than the Mistress I serve and choose to share the most intimate parts of my life!   

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

If you talk to their member (aka their "package") in really sweet tones, maybe even give it a pet name (Thunderball, Thor, Tigger, etc.) and pet it, and coo at it, and otherwise be real nice to it - does that ever help?

I am completely serious. I am for whatever works (as long as it's nice). I am also just curious if this works for some, even though I realize the "cure" is probably individual.

- Susan