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Organization around the house - 3/25/2007 9:31:04 PM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		i moved in with m'Lord and Master a little over a week ago. We discussed how things would be, how we want things to be, and what we would like to see happen. One of the things He wanted was for me to help Him be more organized so He could find the things He uses (from pens to brushes to BDU's to rope). i have tried to do this, and perhaps i'm just being impatient. But it seems everytime i put something in its place (for example, taking His shoes from the living room to the front closet), He gets irritated because i didn't tell Him that i moved it, even though i've told Him that i would put things in its proper place any chance i get, rather than cleaning up everything all at once. He can't find anything, even things as simple as keys on the keyring (when He put them on the dining room table...which makes no sense to me).

He asked me to organize the house and keep it organized, but He can't find anything in the organization. If i let Him decide where everything went, there would be no organization, because He puts things wherever He happens to be, and then later will go looking for it and get angry because it's nowhere to be found, and go out and buy a new one. This has caused multiples of a lot of things, and is putting a dent in finances.

i just don't know how to get this set-up so that it's easier. i put all the things He most uses in places that are easy to find (keys by the door on a hook, wallet just above it on the shelf; shoes and jacket in the front closet; rope, gags, and other toys in one drawer; art supplies in the -art room-, etc.) But He doesn't seem to understand what organization is, or the logic of it. Help? I don't understand what i can do to make it any easier. Should i write out where everything is on a long list, like an inventory? Should i label every drawer with permanent marker on tape, label every hook, every space? i feel like half my time is used re-organizing everything because He doesn't know where it goes so leaves it just wherever, and the other half, i'm trying to find the things that He left just wherever because it didn't get put in the spot i designated for it. i'm supposed to be looking for a job, and once i have a job, how am i going to keep up with this? i need something easier! Any ideas???

~jewel
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Organization around the house - 3/25/2007 9:38:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		YOu obviously need to give him a tour of your new space once you've finished it, YES label every drawer at least to start, and be ok with SOME thigns shifting apart- IMO the only time when everything is in its place is the first five minutes after you've cleaned it up.

He has to learn a new system- when it comes to something like that, that takes a few months at least.

First off- how did you design how things would be?  Usually the best way is to see how they ALREADY flow and then pattern your design to that in a practical fashion.  When does he pick up what and in what sequences?  What does he tend to have to move around already?  What things get used a lot and what things are only needed once a day?

BEFORE You make a change- present to him a plan design.  He can point out suggestions, ask questions, you can show off the method behind YOUR madness and then go from there.

Once you're done- you give him the tour.  You show him what you designed IN reality.  He can lock this into mind to start with.

Over the next few days, you should say "Master, you put your jacket on the chair, you told me you wanted to start putting it on this loop next to the door."

Always phrase it to remind him it's what HE decided for HIS actions to be- so he can remember what HE said, what HE saw and what he internalized.

But there may be design flaws- a drawer that sounded great might just not be useful and have to get scrapped.  Over time you'll make corrections and changes until you have a happy system.  But it will take cooperation, memorization and building up of new skills.  He has to be trained to the new system :)

And remember- leaving a mess alone for a week is sometimes just fine.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Organization around the house - 3/26/2007 3:09:50 AM   
subboi3382


Posts: 379
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		I have had a similar issue with my master. I settled on (he didnt want me bothering him wiht organiation plans at all) putting things in as logical places as possible. Then I made up a map of where everything is, which he (and most males lol) would rather consult than asking where everyting was or finding places himself. He is pretty used to it now.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Organization around the house - 3/26/2007 5:48:52 AM   
Mustardseed


Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline 		One of the best questions I've found to ask a disorganzied person is:

When you first look for X, where do you expect it to be?


Instinct is a big part of this. If, early in the morning, someone is so bleary that they reach into their sock drawer and keep being surprised that there isn't any breakfast in there ... well, I decide that that's the place to start storing a box of Cheerios or a bag of dried fruit.

Some people think that they have to convert their lives around an organizational system. Personally, I think that an organizational system should be structured around the person using it, thus making their environment better suited to their needs. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else as long as it helps the people using it do what they need to do quickly, efficiently and -- I should hope -- pleasantly.

It may drive your Lord and Master binky bonkers, but either ask him constantly where it is he first reaches for ... whatever it is, or observe him for a couple of weeks without moving anything. Take notes, make sketches. Then start working out your next plan.

And I agree with Lucky Albatross: give the poor man a tour or two. He's likely been disorganized all of his life. As wonderful a blessing as you may be to him, you're not going to magically make him organized overnight.

Good luck!

(in reply to subboi3382)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Organization around the house - 3/27/2007 10:33:07 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

i moved in with m'Lord and Master a little over a week ago. We discussed how things would be, how we want things to be, and what we would like to see happen. One of the things He wanted was for me to help Him be more organized so He could find the things He uses (from pens to brushes to BDU's to rope). i have tried to do this, and perhaps i'm just being impatient. But it seems everytime i put something in its place (for example, taking His shoes from the living room to the front closet), He gets irritated because i didn't tell Him that i moved it, even though i've told Him that i would put things in its proper place any chance i get, rather than cleaning up everything all at once. He can't find anything, even things as simple as keys on the keyring (when He put them on the dining room table...which makes no sense to me).

He asked me to organize the house and keep it organized, but He can't find anything in the organization. If i let Him decide where everything went, there would be no organization, because He puts things wherever He happens to be, and then later will go looking for it and get angry because it's nowhere to be found, and go out and buy a new one. This has caused multiples of a lot of things, and is putting a dent in finances.

i just don't know how to get this set-up so that it's easier. i put all the things He most uses in places that are easy to find (keys by the door on a hook, wallet just above it on the shelf; shoes and jacket in the front closet; rope, gags, and other toys in one drawer; art supplies in the -art room-, etc.) But He doesn't seem to understand what organization is, or the logic of it. Help? I don't understand what i can do to make it any easier. Should i write out where everything is on a long list, like an inventory? Should i label every drawer with permanent marker on tape, label every hook, every space? i feel like half my time is used re-organizing everything because He doesn't know where it goes so leaves it just wherever, and the other half, i'm trying to find the things that He left just wherever because it didn't get put in the spot i designated for it. i'm supposed to be looking for a job, and once i have a job, how am i going to keep up with this? i need something easier! Any ideas???

~jewel



There is a area of learning, called cognitve working memory. For some people, it just doesnt work. My Son is one of them, and you sound like i would when he lived at home. Id organise things in what i considered 'logic', but my logic was not his, so it never clicked for him where to look.
He had to work out what worked for him. And learn new habits. He 's early 20's, so still pretty neandertal as far as becoming a fully functioning male. Some people truly are more disorganised than others.
What i find works for my Dom, is if he helps put things away, tidy up, just initially. The more memory triggers, the more likely recall is to occur. eg. If 'he' hangs the keys up on the hook by the door, then he is more likely to have his recall triggered, as in his mind's eye, he can replay his actions like a film in his head, giving visual, auditory, tactile que's to his memory.

Disorganised thinking, leads to disorganised behaviour. Time management, maybe worth looking at. Also, a huge amount of discussion between the two of you, as to what goes where, what he needs for the next day, so that you can prepare it ready for him.

He sounds like a kid to me. Mother him and he might feel smothered. But that is truly what you are describing. Getting irritated at his lack of memory, shows he's not happy with it. That you are out of pocket due to having to replace items, suggest this is more than a personallity trait you just accept.
There are natural herbal remedies that help with cognitive functioning. There are routines that can be learned to overcome disorganisation. Maybe he just smoked too much pot as a teenager? I dunno.
Those key rings that bleep when you whistle are fantastic. And you can attach them to shoes if you need to lol.
If my Dom does the washing, i cant find a bloody thing for ages. As he puts stuff away in my daughters drawers instead of mine. I find tops on her as she shoots out the door, well aware that she's got a favourite of mine. See, there is always someone to gain from this, for us its my daughter, for you two, its the retailer.
Good luck. sounds tricky.

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Organization around the house - 3/27/2007 11:00:32 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		did you manage to work out the whole explosive anger problem yet before you tackle he wants you to organize then gets irritated when you do?

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Organization around the house - 3/28/2007 3:04:01 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		You may have to follow him around and just note where he puts things so later when he's lost it you can say "What are you looking for?" then once he tells you go fetch it for him. It sounds like he wants to be organized yet he doesn't want to modify his behavior so that he can be organized. So if thats the case your just going to have to be his fetching girl otherwise the dude is going to go broke replacing items.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Organization around the house - 3/28/2007 3:28:06 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
I do not disagree on anything Em said - so I will just support all her advice she gave you and add that the most important thing IMO is that you keep him informed.
 
So if you take his boots and place them away, let him know.  That way if he does not like them there, or wanted them out to use again, he can tell you.  That was you are keeping communication open and he is also controling the area still.  If you alter anything, do not just assume it is common sense - inform what you have done - even if that means that the two of you arrange an 'info hour' once a week or even once a day where you talk things through, at least in the beginning.
 
Don;t just do it - speak it.  Communication is vital for this to work.
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to damia)
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RE: Organization around the house - 3/28/2007 4:06:52 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		Most men are very visual in nature.  This is why they often enjoy fetishwear on women and the lights on during sex.  We all know this.  What may work for you is finding a method of incorporating this.  Color codes and maps can be amazing tools. 

Recently, I re-organized the kitchen to better suit me.  My boyfriend had no clue where anything was.  Since he does most of the dishes and most of the everyday cooking, I thought of a way that would help him keep things organized to my liking.  So, I color coded each drawer and shelf, and then the items that go there also have the same color on them.

For instance, all of the cooking oils have a purple sticker on them, and go on the shelf in the area of the purple shelf liner.  The snack foods have a yellow sticker on them, and they go into the cabinet that has a yellow ribbon on the handle.  He sees the color on the item, and puts it in the location where the color matches.  I also drew up a map for items that aren't easily color coded - such as knives since stickers wash off.  The map hangs on the wall in front of the sink so that he can see where each utensil belongs as he puts it away.  After a few weeks or so, he will be so familiar with the new locations, that the colored stickers and map will no longer be necessary.

It may seem a bit tedious, but, in the long run it simplifies things.  If you were to put a large blue key chain on his keys, and hang a blue key holder by the door, he might see the correlation easier.  But again, this is something you should discuss with him - to see if it is something that he could relate to. 

Hell, I keep my keys in a basket next to my favorite chair, along with my most commonly worn shoes.  This way, when I am ready to go out, I can put my shoes on and grab my keys without even thinking of where they are...they are where I last put them.  If for any reason I didn't put my keys in that basket, my boyfriend knows that is where I normally keep them, and he puts them there for me.  Baskets are wonderful devices for organization.  There are many things you can do to simplify things so long as you pay attention to His habits and be a little creative.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
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RE: Organization around the house - 3/29/2007 5:41:12 AM   
StarTigeress


Posts: 12
Joined: 2/27/2007
Status: offline 		Any suggestion for a girl that can't get organizied? 

_____________________________

Startigeress =^.^=

Proudly owned by my Husband: Master Wulf (LunarLupine): 2/10/06

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Organization around the house - 3/29/2007 7:47:44 AM   
andyskayla


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		Julia Morgenstein's Organization from the Inside Out is a must-read for my life.  The premise is that you start with where you are at and design organizational systems that work with you instead of changing your life around your organization.  So, if he likes to take his shoes off by the front door, get a shoe rack right by the front door.  Look at where he (and you) put stuff and organize it the way you are already working. 

I think you can't do it for him, but with him.  Ask him where it makes sense so he has some ownership in the process.  Someone reorganized my kitchen for me and I hated it.  Nothing felt intuitive to me. 

Also, they may not look as fancy, but I'm a big fan of open things--for example, if you can have an open file box on the desk instead of a drawer, I'm much more likely to actually file the papers.  The little act of opening a drawer (ooh, 2 seconds, max) actually keeps me from organizing as much as I should.  Silly and totally unexplainable, but also true.

Finally, label everything, color-code, draw maps.  So if the fridge should be a certain way, make labels on each shelf and a map on the outside. 

(in reply to StarTigeress)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Organization around the house - 3/29/2007 7:59:54 PM   
Obsidiansnamaste


Posts: 266
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

He asked me to organize the house and keep it organized, but He can't find anything in the organization. If i let Him decide where everything went, there would be no organization, because He puts things wherever He happens to be, and then later will go looking for it and get angry because it's nowhere to be found, and go out and buy a new one. This has caused multiples of a lot of things, and is putting a dent in finances.

~snip~
I don't understand what i can do to make it any easier. Should i write out where everything is on a long list, like an inventory? Should i label every drawer with permanent marker on tape, label every hook, every space? i feel like half my time is used re-organizing everything because He doesn't know where it goes so leaves it just wherever, and the other half, i'm trying to find the things that He left just wherever because it didn't get put in the spot i designated for it. i'm supposed to be looking for a job, and once i have a job, how am i going to keep up with this? i need something easier! Any ideas???

~jewel



Greetings jewel,
i suggest following His natural tendencies, observe Him, look at what He naturally tends to do and find a way to organize within His habits...for instance if He liked his keys in the dining room...perhaps put a small valet on the table, if His shoes accrue by the door...add a shoe rack there. The organization must serve the person it is done for (The Owner) lest it be ineffective and a chore...thereby being inefficient as well. The organziation may not end up being the way you would naturally do it, but if it serves His needs and He is happier that is what counts,

_____________________________

Always in His service,

~Master Obsidians namaste
http://houseobsidian.wordpress.com
http://his-namaste.livejournal.com

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Organization around the house - 3/30/2007 10:39:14 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I would ask if the two of you could sit down together over a couple of days and make being organized a team effort. He should perhaps give you input on where things would be conveniently located for him. You need him to give you this information to be able to accomplish this task.

I can sympathize. I have been helping my Daddy in this regard because he lacks time to get these things done. He had moved a handful of times in the last several years. He had two mini storages filled with boxes. Each mini storage held a household.... he still has part of a third to empty. I was down there with my teen UM this week for a few days. We moved and sorted gobs of boxes. I itemized his Goodwill donations for tax purposes, we moved three large pieces of furniture, a monitor, about 5 large trash bags of clothes, a set of dishes, and many other odds and ends to give away. We filled the apartment trashbin to overflowing... and there is still more to do.

I find that because we have done so much of this together that I get a sense of how he wants things, it makes me better at helping him get things the way that would please him. It takes both of us to do this work. We discuss it because two heads are better than one... We do not live together yet, but he can always call me and ask when he does not know where something is... I usually know

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Organization around the house - 3/31/2007 1:03:03 AM   
DeSade401smo


Posts: 16
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		 
Lucky Albatross' post states what I was thinking when reading your post.  Informing your Master of your organizational plan, prior for approval and His suggestions, during the organization to see if the new arrangement will work for Him, and after as a reminder. 

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Organization around the house - 4/26/2007 7:24:24 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StarTigeress

Any suggestion for a girl that can't get organizied? 


Have children, and work full time. You'll be amazed at your rapid skill acquisition lol.

(in reply to StarTigeress)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Organization around the house - 4/26/2007 8:37:02 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I don't know if this is too simple a solution...but why not ask him to tell you where he wants things to go? When Master and I first moved in here, Master took me from room to room and told me about how he wanted things. ..but saying that ..I have to admit, master is probably a more organised person than me lol...thats why he is the organiser and I am the organised hehe.

Another thought that occurred to me is, moving in together is all new to you, you might just be a little tense at the moment, so takes some deep breaths and relax...you are trying to be perfect..but no one can live up to that standard.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Organization around the house - 4/26/2007 9:18:01 PM   
Casie


Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		I feel your pain in four years I still haven't came up with anything to truly keep Andrew organized lol. It's moer like me organizing and him getting angry things get moved. Even tho he knows where I move them to lol.

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Organization around the house - 4/27/2007 4:26:30 AM   
sweetlady41only


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/3/2006
Status: offline 		Julie Morganstern's book is my organizational bible, too!  It stresses the importance when organizing shared space that both of you be involved together.  In the case of Master/slave the togetherness might look different, but i would be inclined to ask him first what works for him, what doesn't, and brainstorm together solutions...so he feels a sense of control about what is happening.  You can do the actual "grunt work" of organizing, but knowing his personality, preferences, and patterns of living should help you make a plan that works for him and that he can understand and use more easily. 

i also agree with a previous poster who cautioned you about "mothering" him.  In my opinion, it's the death knell of a D/s relationship.  For both your sakes, he has to feel a sense of control over this process and its outcome. 

Good luck to you!
sweet lady

(in reply to Casie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Organization around the house - 4/28/2007 7:50:05 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		This may sound silly or even may of been suggested..but here goes..take a picture of every room in the house every closet with the items that they contain, every drawer, caninet ,cupboard,garge etc...get photo album..headed under each what room , then place the pictures of that rooms closet, drawers etc.so that he can have this album in easy sight and do his searching through it.recognising of course the item he may be seeking and recognising the piece of furniture that item may lie within.hence he does not have to run through the house like a madman searching for his keys or what not...Tempting..

(in reply to sweetlady41only)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Organization around the house - 5/7/2007 6:31:37 AM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		i'm presently in the process of moving in with Chairman. He's fairly organized and i'm extremely organized. i move at a faster pace and have more time at present, so i organized the kitchen and bathrooms, then labeled where everything is. Then i simply said "i hope my work pleases You, Master and i'm happy to change anything if it's not to Your liking."

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 20
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