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nyrisa -> You know you are getting old when...... (3/27/2007 7:59:45 AM)
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GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. SAG, YOU'RE IT
2. PIN THE TOUPEE ON THE BALD GUY
3. 20 QUESTIONS SHOUTED IN YOUR GOOD EAR
4. KICK THE BUCKET'
5. RED ROVER, RED ROVER, THE NURSE SAYS BEND OVER
6. DOC GOOSE
7. SIMON SAYS SAY SOMETHING INCOHERENT
8. HIDE AND GO PEE
9. SPIN THE BOTTLE OF MYLANTA
10. MUSICAL RECLINERS
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. YOU SELL YOUR HOME HEATING SYSTEM AT A YARD SALE
2. YOUR HUSBAND JOKES THAT INSTEAD OF BUYING A WOOD STOVE, HE IS USING YOU TO HEAT THE FAMILY ROOM THIS WINTER. RATHER THAN JUST
SAYING YOU ARE NOT AMUSED, YOU SHOOT HIM.
3. YOU HAVE TO WRITE POST-IT NOTES WITH YOUR KIDS NAMES ON THEM
4. THE PHENOBARBITAL DOSE THAT WIPED OUT THE HEAVENS GATE CULT GIVES YOU FOUR HOURS OF DECENT REST.
5. YOU CHANGE YOUR UNDERWEAR AFTER EVERY SNEEZE
6. YOU'RE ON SO MUCH ESTROGEN THAT YOU TAKE YOUR BROWNIE TROOP ON A FIELD TRIP TO THE CHIPPENDALES
SIGNS OF WEAR
"OLD IS WHEN....YOUR SWEETIE SAYS "LET'S GO UPSTAIRS AND MAKE LOVE," AND YOU ANSWER, "PICK ONE, I CAN'T DO BOTH."
"OLD IS WHEN....YOUR FRIENDS COMPLIMENT YOU ON YOUR NEW ALLIGATOR SHOES AND YOU'RE BAREFOOT
"OLD IS WHEN....A SEXY BABE CATCHES YOUR FANCY AND YOUR PACEMAKER OPENS THE GARAGE DOOR
"OLD IS WHEN....GOING BRA-LESS PULLS ALL THE WRINKLES OUT OF YOUR FACE
"OLD IS WHEN....YOU DON'T CARE WHERE YOUR SPOUSE GOES, JUST AS LONG AS YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO ALONG
"OLD IS WHEN....YOU ARE WARNED TO SLOW DOWN BY THE DOCTOR, INSTEAD OF THE POLICE
"OLD IS WHEN...."GETTING A LITTLE ACTION" MEANS I DON'T NEED TO TAKE ANY FIBER TODAY
"OLD IS WHEN...."GETTING LUCKY" MEANS YOU FIND YOUR CAR IN THE PARKING LOT
"OLD IS WHEN...."AN ALL-NIGHTER" MEANS NOT HAVING TO GET UP TO PEE!
"OLD IS WHEN....YOU HAVE TO DO A BACK BEND TO WIPE YOUR SAGGING ASS.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.
You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where you parked your car.
Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.
At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
Your back goes out more than you do.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
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