RE: What am I doing wrong?

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RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/1/2007 7:55:19 PM

ObedientYYC

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky
The two posts have nothing to do with each other. In one you're saying lower your expectations of what you'd expect to get in vanilla because there are 8 times as many people vying for attention. In the second you're saying guys get flaky and drop deal breakers because of this ratio and the fact they think this is the last train to Subville. Two completely different idea.

Sure the ratio of subs to dommes is not in male subs favor, but to tell anyone to lower their standards based on that is just silly. Be realistic, know what's important to you, but don't ever except less than what you believe you deserve. Simple as that.

My first post proposed that partner ratios affect people's standards, and you need to deal with this reality or be in for some major frustration. My second post indicated that this often results in flakiness if it involved things which would otherwise be deal-breakers. I kinda thought it was a common thread there, but if it came off as disjoint I'm probably not being very articulate (in rare cases this has been known to happen!).

But what is simple is the math: 7 out of 8 subs won't find a long-term D/s partner. Nice as it is to think positively, telling a newbie that they don't have to adjust their expectations compared to the vanilla world just doesn't compute. If you don't drop your shallower criteria and focus on what truly matters to you, expect to be very lonely. In politically incorrect terms.. ya you need to lower your standards... but only lower those ones that don't serve your true needs.

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Post #: 41

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/2/2007 5:06:52 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC

But what is simple is the math: 7 out of 8 subs won't find a long-term D/s partner. Nice as it is to think positively, telling a newbie that they don't have to adjust their expectations compared to the vanilla world just doesn't compute. If you don't drop your shallower criteria and focus on what truly matters to you, expect to be very lonely. In politically incorrect terms.. ya you need to lower your standards... but only lower those ones that don't serve your true needs.

I don't know, maybe I'm lucky in that I've found wonderful women to talk to and if I decided to move could have a legitimate relationship with at least three different people without having to change anything about my outlook or what I am looking for in a partner.

Honestly, I want every guy reading this to lower their standards and think that it's hopeless, for no other reason than I'm greedy :)

Good luck with your approach, I'll stick to mine.

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Post #: 42

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/2/2007 5:41:23 PM

nickymaz

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

Well, I'm going to stay optimistic for now. I am pretty lonely and would love to find someone out there. I've never had a lot of luck with vanilla relationships, I'm just uncomfortable around women for some reason. I think that may have something to do with my desire for submission, mabye I think it will be easier to interact with a woman if she is "in charge".

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Post #: 43

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/2/2007 5:47:20 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

That right there is one of your problems - yes, Dommes are in charge/control once they are in a relationship, but most want a submissive who is comfortable in multiple situations ... including around women. And what if she doesn't wish to take control right away? What will you do then? What if you get involved with a Domme and one night, she decides that she doesn't want to make any decisions for, say, a week - are you going to be able to handle that?

We've run across many who feel the same way that you do - that they are uncomfortable around women so they want the woman to be in charge. Not all of them are really submissive. Please work on this, and make sure that your desire for submission is actually because you are submissive and not because you are uncomfortable around women.

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Post #: 44

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/3/2007 6:09:09 PM

nickymaz

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

You have a good point here. Maybe this is why I want to submitt to a woman. I guess I have to mull this issue over a bit.

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Post #: 45

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 4/4/2007 2:42:48 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

FWIW Nicky, I think the way your profile is right now is perfectly fine. It's clear and to the point. The only thing that I'd suggest, and it's based more on personal preference and control than anything, is HOLD on sending a pic in email until she asks for it. Women aren't necessarily driven by visuals as much as they are the ethereal, written word, or the psychological that would be ascertained from an interview/interrogation with you. You may offer that you have a photo available if she cares to see it, but I would forgo sending it until it is requested of you.

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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Post #: 46