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Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 12:40:11 AM

rain

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SO, i met face-to-face with a Dom, we played at his place for about 2 hours.

i had fun, a lot of fun. We spoke afterwards, and made a plan to meet again next week at the same time. He drove me home.

i hear nothing from him, IM'd him & emailed him, nada. Now, i know that i mentioned my bj's needed work, however.... i would expect some basic courtesy be extended and for him to let me know that he is not interested in pursuing this further...which would have been fine: as i didn't feel we "clicked."

Fast forward to this weekend, i went with my friend to a local power exchange meet, and there he was. He saw me, but did not say a word to me.

Not wanting further humiliation (i enjoy it on occasion, but not like this!) i did not approach nor speak to him.

i, personally, think he acted like a jerk. i ask you, is this Domly behavior?

~rain~

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 12:55:42 AM

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Not at all, I feel if you have been intimate with someone, and you are no longer interested in that person you should have courtesy enough to say this isn't gonna work. If they cant be respectful enough to state what they feel, then I personally think it's rude and very undom like.

I don't mean to answer on the Master board, but that rubbed me the wronge way.

< Message edited by GoddessMarissa -- 5/23/2004 12:59:34 AM >

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 1:40:48 AM

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Drat I had this longggggggggg ol answer then it got eaten!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Um, I'll try again later!

hehehe

~ShadeDiva

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 1:58:24 AM

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Well it is a matter of perspective,
and unfortunately it is the way most people deal with this sort of thing .

Most people deal with rejection in nasty ways, nobody likes no as an answer, so it has become common for people to simply ignore others they do not wish to meet again. Avoids the scenes and the problems.

Now is he a jerk? probably, is it undomly behavior? I do not do scenes as sex and play are not my motivators but I would guess no its not, probably quite nornal in the been there done that vein.

Hey you had fun for a couple hours and that is that.

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 7:17:20 AM

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I prefer the word Trainer to describe myself, but think that Dom, Master, Daddy, whatever title is used still implies that the man is teaching... it is a key part of any aspect of the lifestyle. For that reason, I think the guy fell short by not "teaching" you as to why you did not make the grade, what he does not not like as well as what he did like and what you can do to improve -- Of course, there is the chance that he is pretty new to this, or he may just be a jerk as you say and use the lifestyle to simply get pussy or hide behind the title in order to treat women badly as part of deep issues from his past... who knows, you tried to keep the communication open... I hope things work out for you better in the future. BTW: the comment that he wanted you to work on your blowjob makes me think that he is in it for the pussy is all, the only grade I have for a girl sucking cock is her desire to do it, based simply on her actions and the look in her eyes -- As for technique, two hands full of her hair and harsh verbal direction and she will suck cock exactly like I want, no problem.

(in reply to rain)

RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 9:21:05 AM

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Midear Rain-

Yup- a Big fat jerk, and no- not 'domly' at all. I assume that to be 'domly', one must be a grown up human being, and not an asshole operating at a third grade level.

It's one thing when one works a scene with someone and it just doesn't 'click', and it is something that no one need apologise for. However, even the most rudimentry of scenes would, in my opinion, 'be the equivalant of a formal introduction', and requires one to behave couertously, and respond to eMials, messages, Etc., even if just to say that one doesn't desire any further interaction- which strikes me as bizare, as I can't imagine not wanting to interact at least socially with anyone I have worked with, even if it was a lousy scene.

I am so sorry to hear that things have worked out this way for you. You do deserve better.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 9:37:45 AM

rain

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Actually, i know, b/c it's been confirmed by others, that this "Dom" has been involved with this power exchange group for at least a year or so, and further, he was involved with a woman i know for about 4 years in a D/s relationship.

So, his BDSM interests may be geniune; but his communication skills leave a lot to be desired.

~rain~

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 9:46:14 AM

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Sorry he didn't get back to you rain. I know you were looking forward to more training. I think it is just plain rude to totally ignore you no matter what his status.

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 10:34:45 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rain

SO, i met face-to-face with a Dom, we played at his place for about 2 hours.

i had fun, a lot of fun. We spoke afterwards, and made a plan to meet again next week at the same time. He drove me home.

i hear nothing from him, IM'd him & emailed him, nada. Now, i know that i mentioned my bj's needed work, however.... i would expect some basic courtesy be extended and for him to let me know that he is not interested in pursuing this further...which would have been fine: as i didn't feel we "clicked."

Fast forward to this weekend, i went with my friend to a local power exchange meet, and there he was. He saw me, but did not say a word to me.

Not wanting further humiliation (i enjoy it on occasion, but not like this!) i did not approach nor speak to him.

i, personally, think he acted like a jerk. i ask you, is this Domly behavior?

~rain~

What Topcat said - and you do deserve much better

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 10:43:39 AM

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Yeah, that's pretty much a jerk. I know it is usually wrong to judge a person on one incident, but when a person identifies himself as a dominant, then dammit, he should act like one. That includes having enough common sense and the balls to admit that a situation was not satisfactory and that there was not enough in common to continue it. Instead, he now appears to be a total player and/or chicken shit.

Since I have more smartass in me than less, I would approach the dungeon master and request a private discussion between the dungeon master and the dominant. I would at that point simply state in front of the dungeon master that you would have appreciated some comment or discussion before being just dropped completely, as would have been the "domly" thing to do. It may only give you peace of mind, but it also clues the "dom" in to the fact that there are submissives who will talk, and he won't get away with that behavior for a long while. Also, many submissives and dominants who become interested in playing together speak first to the dungeon master, if at a play party. This might also clue your local dungeon master in to be careful in recommending him to other submissives. Just my humble opinion....or rather JMHO.

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(in reply to rain)

RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 10:45:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rain
Now, i know that i mentioned my bj's needed work, however....

Perhaps you've intimidated the poor guy? Too much of a good thing can be overwhelming, and as bad or worse than not enough.

Inyouagain

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 10:53:47 AM

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Further proof that he's a jerk, and by the way, I would mention that you heard this if you sit him down in front of a dungeon master.

And since I am too much of a smart ass for my own good, the conversation, if it were me, might go as follows:

"I understand that you have told others that my BJ's need work, and Sir, I completely understand. I need more practice sucking someone who is as small as you are and I am very willing to learn."

grinssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

You are realize that I am only kidding....I would never suggest disrespect......

grinssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss again.....

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"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 1:10:59 PM

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So I meet this submissive. We have lunch, we walk on the beach, she invites me back to view her etchings, we have a great time. As I am leaving, she indicates what she would like to do next time we hook up...

I call her the next day, and two more times later that week. She never returns my calls.

I send her a polite email telling her that she has my number but that I am unwilling to seem like a pest, I lose her phone number and I move on.

Im not sure it is specifically "Dom" behavior, some people just dont have the basic courtesy to tell others they are not interested in taking relationships any further.

Sinergy

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 3:39:43 PM

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He should have at least told you he was no longer interested. Simple as that, common courtesy.

Or should I just say .. JALHKE

Mod3

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 5:23:20 PM

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And I think that you handled the situation very well. Our dom at the origination of this post however, was not as professional and polite as you. Your email deserved a response even if it is a "no thank you". I find this especially true if you actually meet in person. Just online "hi's" ...I may not respond to if something doesn't interest me about the person. But after real life meetings, there is a certain decorum that should be followed, and that doesn't include a cease and desist of all contact.

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"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: Domly behavior? - 5/23/2004 9:57:23 PM

rain

Posts: 319
Joined: 4/13/2004
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MistressKiss,

In this particular instance, there is no dungeon Master to speak with. i met this "Dom" online, but my kinky friends knew him b/c of his relationship with another sub, and i didn't hear anything negative about him.

i don't want to be a jackass and tell folks that he was a jerk, HOWEVER, i did share this with one person who has an authoritative position within my local group, i hope that that will suffice.

i don't want to elaborate further, as i know that some locals here (in my neck of the woods) also frequent this website.

Just wanted to clarify.

Thanks for all the input and feedback!

~rain~

< Message edited by rain -- 5/23/2004 11:58:15 PM >

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RE: Domly behavior? - 5/24/2004 10:24:26 AM

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The number one rule about playing with some one is that you should call them the following day or monday to see if they are ok. Then not to respond at all is not very nice. I know in some of my expereince I find it hard to get back intouch with the person when I do make every attempt to call them.

(in reply to rain)

RE: Domly behavior? - 5/24/2004 11:58:21 AM

Altarboyleather

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I have to agree that this Dom is being socially, and scene inept. Not even a call to say "Thank you for the gift of submission. I don't think that we really click," is unacceptable.

Best wishes in your search. There are nicer folks out there.
-ABL

(in reply to ScorpioMaster)

RE: Domly behavior? - 5/24/2004 1:10:58 PM

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I'm probably going to be on someone's list for this post, but I've been sitting here thinking about it for 24 hours and can't get the questions out of my mind....Please understand my comments are not meant to attack, but to raise questions for others....

Why would a sub meet someone they don't really know yet (spoke with on the internet or phone) at their home, and be sexually active( yes, oral is sexually active) with them, at a first meeting? I do hope protection was used ( I have a safety fetish).

Isn't this sort of like picking someone up at a bar, going home with them and then never seeing them again?

I realize one is 'vanilla' and one 'bdsm', but why do we expect humans to be any different depending on the way they chose to be sexual?

That being said....I too think he should have at least called to let you know he wasn't interested, but I'm wondering if there was a 'meeting of the minds' so to speak, as to where both parties wanted the 'relationship' to lead.

just some thoughts...

indigo

(in reply to Altarboyleather)

RE: Domly behavior? - 5/24/2004 2:51:07 PM

rain

Posts: 319
Joined: 4/13/2004
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indigo,

You brought up a good question. Actually, i did meet with this "Dom" in person beforehand.

We met at a coffeeshop, discussed our interests & expectations, then made a plan for the following week. i even brought in my bdsm checklist and we went over that in detail.

Also, after our session, he said that he wanted to get together the following Monday, and would call me to arrange a time to meet. So, it appeared as though we had both laid our cards on the table, though in retrospect, one of us did not.

~rain~

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(in reply to indigo302)

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