quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Thing is - you aren't going to be able to keep everyone happy.  Some people will always say you are a switch.

Personally, from what you have written - if you are in control of life in general and of the play and the situation even when your submissive is 'on top' - then I would describe you as a Dominant who occasionally bottoms - rather than a switch.  Maybe you have a masochistic and sadistic urge, one just stronger or dominant than the other most of the month.

 

I have usually described myself as a submissive sadist - of course that has altered with my Boy, because he has taught me what it means to enjoy pain, but I can still be aroused at the sound of him tormented when he has me top.

 

I always think of switches being 'conscious' - in the sense that they know they switch, they do switch, they are switches.  Whereas domination or submission is something that occurs between two people without thought - it just happens - and sometimes, the play can reverse without arrangement in which case you can top and bottom, but the power and control remains the same.  You still know who is in control... no question.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mustardseed

The definitions I'm used to for some of the standard roles played are a little different than the ones that MasterFireMaam listed:

Top / Bottom ~ fairly general terms. These usually mean that the one person likes "doing," and the other person likes being "done." The actions in question could involve the body, the mind, the emotions and possibly even the spirit depending upon the play.

Sadist / Masochist ~ slightly more specific terms that involve the consensual application of pain. A sadist likes hurting people with sensations that they either enjoy or they don't, while a masochist usually has at least a few types of sensation that they adore that most people would consider outright unpleasant.

Dominant / Submissive ~ this tends to involve the exchange of power in a permissive, controlling, training and / or punishing sense for a set duration of time, be it a scene, weekend, week, short-term contract, long-term contract and/or the multi-year duration of a given relationship.

Master / Slave ~ this is a specific type of relationship that I consider a subset of the Dominant / Submissive relationship. There is various argument about if and how these two types of dynamics are different, and I'm refusing to go there for very long. I will say that it certainly seems to be relevant to the relationship itself and to the beholder. Also, the term "Master" may mean something different in a community that identifies as "leather" than one that identifies as "kinky."

Owner / Property ~ I recently read of a slave who was owned by one person, but mastered by another. Again, I consider this a subset of the Dominant / Submissive dynamic, but could only guess at the differences.

Switch ~ depending on the switch's leanings, they could assume either role in any of the above mentioned dymanics. Being a switch doesn't marry that person to any specific dymanic that I've noticed, so a switch who is spied bottoming is no more submissive than anyone else who enjoys receiving sensation.

---

I am a switch. A joke I learned early on in the local community is that I'm a Switch with Bottom Rising. I have a Daddy. With him, I'm submissive. He's a dominant, he's a top, he wants to be a master and he doesn't #$%&*@!!! switch. He has issues with being confused for a submissive or a switch, on being told by his nearest and dearest that he really is a switc, that it'd be better for him if he'd just relax and admit it, and that all of the best tops bottom every once in a while - how else can they understand what they're doing? Issues with a capital Ish.

However, he likes dating switches. He doesn't want someone who's gonna just roll over and do what he wants without being actively enthusiastic about it, who isn't going to make sure he's aware of their needs and desires, etc. He may not be able to oblige, and he doens't want every little thing to be a fight, but he wants traits that he mainly finds in switches.

But he doesn't switch. Period.

Granted, I feel that this is a bit of a pity. He's got an excellent pain tollerance, is incredibly beautiful, is quite helpful within our local community, etc. He'll have me test out toys on him briefly in shops (we've even done so in the toy department in Value Village). But I've only seen him take orders from one person -- the person we work with while volunteering, a person he respects highly and who doesn't boss him outside of the actual job.

I have ordered my Daddy around once and have gotten away with it. He was sick over a year ago, and in my home. He got a bad case of the shivers, which he'd never experienced before. He was terrified because he didn't know what was going on. I went into nurse mode, got him into my huge robe, sat him down in front of a heater and gave him hot soup to drink. Not before or since have I been able to say, "Daddy, put this on. Okay, sit down. Wait there." and get away with it. However, in my humble opinion, it needed to be done simply because the control was out of his hands and I was the nearest person to accept it.

Once Daddy helped me while I was trying to figure out knots by offering his wrist. He loves bondage ... on other people. I nearly gaped at him, but did as I was bid and wrapped up his wrist. Shortly after we were sure that I'd done it right, could get my finger in between the rope and his flesh, etc., he told me to get the rope off of him. I later confirmed that he would have happily accepted me whipping the rope around and risking burning him if I could have gotten it off of him faster.

He doesn't get anything out of bottoming, gets nothing out of being bossed. Zip. Nada.

However, that doesn't mean that Daddy doesn't accept sensation at my instigation. I can come up behind him while he's online and pet his hair, sending him into shivers. When I suck his cock, I am responsible for his experience, his pleasure and his safety -- I'm basically service bottoming. Appropriately enough, I've taken this same sort of attitude towards anal sex (which he adores as either the pitcher or the catcher) and knife play -- though I don't initiate either of these nearly as casually as I do the petting or oral sex. As long as I don't act as though Daddy is now my bitch, we're good. A great deal of it is about attitude.

Daddy doesn't identify as a switch, though at least one person has tried to tell me that I seem to be the dominant partner in this relationship. I see what I do as service bottoming in those instances. I don't need to have Daddy order me to please him every single time -- he likes that I'm learning to anticipate his needs by offering either verbally or simply through my actions.

Are you a switch? Maybe of some sort. Two of the most well though of dominants I know in the community switch from time to time simply for their own pleasure. But it really depends on how you identify. Others may look at your relationships and see something you don't. That's great, but that's them.