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Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 3:15:40 PM

Posts: 162
Joined: 3/12/2007
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Hello all, and thank you in advance for your replies.
I am very new to the lifestyle, and as such, I identify as a submissive. Now, compared to many submissives and slaves I have seen on this site, I think there is a possibility that I may end up being a switch when I have gained some more experience.
But anyway, I was curious...does being a switch make it more difficult to find a Dom/me or a sub? And Dom/mes and subs, would you consider a switch as your sub or Dominant? Why or why not?
Well thanks all. I am off to work and will reply to ya'll when I get home!
Hugs.
Rose

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 4:32:17 PM

Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
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You're in luck, Rose. While there is a certain amount of... 'opinion' might be a nice non-inflammatory word, about switches, my experience has been that it's mostly within the straight community. You'll be fine.

For now, why not just say 'new?' Learn who you are and then decide how to ID. My advice would be to find your local community, figure out which munch groups DON'T meet in a bar and start going.

< Message edited by TheHeretic -- 4/3/2007 4:36:06 PM >

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 4:40:06 PM

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

My advice would be to find your local community, figure out which munch groups DON'T meet in a bar and start going.

Forgive my ignorance but why is it bad to go to a Munch in a bar?

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to TheHeretic)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 4:44:31 PM

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Joined: 2/18/2006
From: NH
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I'm not sure either, but I can only guess that TheHeretic is referring to the availability and possible over-consumption of alcohol.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 4:48:33 PM

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

My advice would be to find your local community, figure out which munch groups DON'T meet in a bar and start going.

Forgive my ignorance but why is it bad to go to a Munch in a bar?

Because she's 18.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 4:51:08 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

You'll find that there are people who are ok with switches and there are those who aren't. If they're not, just keep looking. I personally don't have a problem with it since I'm both sadist and masochist.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 5:15:34 PM

Posts: 19100
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From: California, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

My advice would be to find your local community, figure out which munch groups DON'T meet in a bar and start going.

Forgive my ignorance but why is it bad to go to a Munch in a bar?

I actually prefer bars for the more adult atmosphere, but Master Fire was right about the age thing. And, duh, I take it back. As long as the place also serves food, she'll be fine in CA.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 9:10:48 PM

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Joined: 3/12/2007
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Lol thanks all for the advice. But I believe I must have stated something wrong....I was more curious about switches, and if they face any prejudices for being a switch on CM. The info about me was just...superfluous I guess.

(in reply to TheHeretic)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 10:32:53 PM

Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline

     Predjudice? From chatroom experts? Perish the thought. Nobody is more tolerant than somebody who knows all the rules of something they have never done.

    Seriously, I've run across a few people in my limited time in the lifestyle who have a negative view, but they are the exception. One thing I have certainly noticed is that a lot more people play on both sides than ID as Switch. I even met one couple who live a 24/7 M/s dynamic and reverse it annually.

    The possibilities of WIITWD are infinite. Get to know some of them before you decide which of the three little boxes to check. I doubt any of them would hold you very well.

     Rich

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/3/2007 10:58:46 PM

Laura

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Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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I prefer munches not in bars. Some people drink too much and then it stops being fun.

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Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to TheHeretic)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/4/2007 4:43:16 AM

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
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I don't know about collarme.com, but in my encounters I have certainly come up against prejudices for being a switch.

Since I am not looking for a Top/Dom/Master/etc, I list as Domme only. The reason is that no matter WHAT I put in my profile, if I put switch I am bombarded by offers from Tops. So that is a prejudice in itself - if you are a switch you MUST be looking for partners on both sides of the line. I also run into the "You aren't a switch, you are just a sub who wants an excuse to be bitchy" opinions (generally from clueless online het male doms), and I had to let one sub go because he did not accept that I am a switch and what that meant, and complained when faced with the reality of who I am.

I have since decided that "I'm ok with it as long as I don't have to watch it" isn't ok with me. Either it is accepted or I don't consider the relationship.

There are LOTS of people who don't understand switching, who have preconceptions and prejudices about it, and who make assumptions about who you are because that is how you identify. There are also LOTS of people who simply ignore the words you say, and take the time to get to know YOU and find out not what words you use to identify but what kind of person you are and how it affects your interactions. The former make life a pain sometimes, the latter a joy.

Good luck,
~E

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/4/2007 7:32:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic


   Seriously, I've run across a few people in my limited time in the lifestyle who have a negative view, but they are the exception. One thing I have certainly noticed is that a lot more people play on both sides than ID as Switch. I even met one couple who live a 24/7 M/s dynamic and reverse it annually.

oh that is too funny!! "but but....i don't want to be the sub this year!" "too bad, its your year!!" hahaha deliciously amusing!

(in reply to TheHeretic)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/4/2007 7:35:09 AM

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Joined: 11/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rose4Mistress

Would you consider a switch as your sub or Dominant?

My very first experience after I declared myself 'in' the Lifestyle, was with a Pro Domme. A great time was had by all. I didn't really care about orientation so much, but I knew that this was not a relationship.

All of my relationships over the years have been with submissive women. Ever since then, I have shown 'them' the garden trail. By now, I know where each pebble is on that garden trail, each blade of grass, each intruding insect. There is nothing about that garden trail that is new to me, and it doesn't need to be, because I'm the one guiding and my parther(s) have come to know what's there from my guidance.

But few people have seen the path to the woodshed. Honestly, I've had dreams and fantasies for years about the woodshed and what's behind it. You can barely make out that there is a path there, but I can still see it. Sometimes it gets to the point where I 'dying' to know what I might find there.

Sure, there was the time or three where I would bottom for a couple of hours, but their heart was never in the right place and the experience was never all that satisfying. I'm quite certain, though, that I have some dark places of my own that would be interesting to explore.

Yes, a 'mostly submissive' switch could be a really fun, really dangerous, thing.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/4/2007 12:31:04 PM

hereyesruponyou

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Joined: 1/22/2007
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I started thinking i was sub because i am a masochist, but even as a sub i was asked to switch once a Dom met me. So i started thinking hmmmm, i must be a switch because i could play on either side of the paddle and have fun, so soon i started looking for other switches. After all if i was going to be asked to switch anyhow i might as well know that ahead of time. Funny thing was, with the exception of my current partner i have not been able to submit to another switch. i've tried, but it does nothing for me and i can't go back once i have topped them. A few months ago i finally accepted that i am not really submissive, but am a masochistic Domme. It works best for me when i am in charge even when i am directing the pain at myself through anothers hands. Maybe that's why the self-bondage/maso behavior worked so well for so long.

Anyhow, my point is don't label yourslef unneccesarily especially too soon, and if you do don't be afraid to change your own self labels, and certainly don't worry about what labels anyone else places on you. If you are hetero you will be inundated by males seeking service irregardless of how you identify yourself in the D/s dynamic. Just a matter of the numbers......

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to mstrjx)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/4/2007 8:08:38 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Well Daddy loves switches, he has two of us. So I have no idea of it makes it harder. And in reality I'm not really interested in a guy who is that stuck in his ways of viewing me. Cause I've never fit very well into boxes. Some bottom boys seem to have an issue with it but that seems in part an issue with sharing me with Daddy and what they assume that means.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/5/2007 8:57:12 PM

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Joined: 2/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rose4Mistress
...does being a switch make it more difficult to find a Dom/me or a sub? And Dom/mes and subs, would you consider a switch as your sub or Dominant? Why or why not?
Hugs.
Rose

Yes it tends to make it more difficult. Some won't consider you unless you are "pure". On the other hand, some only want a switch, or even a certain kind of switch.

There are lots of reasons for all this variation. I could ramble for many paragraphs.

I am a dominant man in service to a dominant woman. We both bottom from time to time but make terrible submissives. I don't view service as a form of submission (some do). My Lady and I are both experienced tops, very much so in our specialities (pony handling, cbt, canes, spanking, rope bondage). But she is sometimes my pony. I am sometimes her dog. It depends on the moods and the flow of the relationship.

Six years ago she had an insight: the "sub" men she was dating would never do. She decided she wanted to find a dominant man who would serve her and only her. About 9 months later she found me, when we went to dinner to compare notes on topping: I was to explain pony training to her, and she was going to explain some things about cbt to me. The conversation took a different direction and I have been hers ever since.

Then it gets even more complicated. Last fall we collared a girl. The girl is a switch. She is a pretty strong sadist and as a masochist very much into exploring her limits and taking challenges. But she at her heart desired a place of service. She has two men who serve her from time to time. And - at times she is my pony.

Since all three of us bottom to pain or bondage from time to time, and all of us top SM and bondage scenes from time to time, we are all switches, right? Don't the labels get pretty crazy?

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/5/2007 9:06:49 PM

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Until a couple of years ago, I didn't think I could submit to the same person who submits to me, but I learned through a special relationship that that is not true. We had a wonderful dynamic and switched nearly daily, if not more frequently. For me, it is less about the labels and more about the natural dynamic that develops between myself and another person. When the chemistry is right you'll be amazed at what can transpire. I wish you well as you begin your journey Rose.

(in reply to PonyGroom)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/6/2007 7:25:02 PM

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Joined: 10/30/2006
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Oh, I am not prejudiced against switches, I find some of them very wonderful (considering I'm sado/maso).
I already have one I play with and one I'm arranging a meeting with later this month.

Psy

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Rose4Mistress)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/7/2007 6:28:33 PM

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Joined: 9/9/2004
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Here on CM, you'll find a certian amount of prejudice. Period. Switch, top, bottom, mistress, slave. People will give you grief for your stated preference. They're all just trolls. Ignore them. 99.99% of the random types with whom you will have contact on this or any other online community will be twits with too much time on their hands and no real-time experience, many of whom will start by proclaiming how many years of experience they've had (masturbating) and how in all those years, they've never encountered whatever-it-is-that-dosent-match-their-private-fantasy-world. I love people like that. Once in a while, when I am feeling very bored and cranky, one of them crosses my path. I sharpen my claws on them, and my poor suffering wife dosen't have to listen to me yelling at the TV for a few days after. Purrrr.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to PsyVamp)

RE: Question From a Newbie - 4/8/2007 10:52:44 AM

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Joined: 10/29/2005
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It does seem to me that there are relatively fewer switches to be found both here and on alt. On top of that, I've seen several state that they don't sub and Domme with the same person. Not good for me, since I'm wired for monogamy.

Add to that my crossdressing desires, and the field of potential partners seems pretty small. A lenghty search is in store for me I think. But I know that being particular and persistant will get me there sooner or later. The trick is to find just the right balance on the "particular" part... :)

(in reply to Suleiman)

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