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Who am I? - 4/16/2005 3:36:59 AM   
hazeydaisy


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/20/2005
Status: offline 		Who am I?

In the vanilla world i am a freak, a weirdo, a sicko. The idea of enjoying the feel of a sore bottom or inscruciating pain in my nipples is just not right! To some, wanting to be used sexually and mentally goes against womans liberation. How could I possibly want my freedom stripped? How could i think all this is right and still look at my own child without guilt or shame?

Who am I?

In this lifestyle I am a newbie, a troll, someone who doesn't know what she's talking about and shouldn't even be here. "You've never experienced any of this and yet you give your opinion on this? How dare you think you know anything!". Because i have the feeling, need, desire doesn't mean i am not submissive? Can I not yearn for the taste of this lifestyle that others do just because i am married and hubby is not into it?

*sighs*

Who am I?

I feel at times i am like a cartoon and that every day is a rerun. I am what I am and that's all that I am...

(just something i had to get off my chest and I apologize if anyone feels it is not suitable)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Who am I? - 4/16/2005 5:10:50 AM   
match2u


Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline


Dear hazeydaisy,

i do understand You very well.
i had and still have the same problem (also i am not married).
stepped to much in that lifestyle as to walk back in the vanilla and also knowing the vanilla will not satisfy me and the desire i feel i will not find there....

in the meantime i have deleted my profile on collarme. i am so done with all that explanations from Master/ Doms what and who i am - or may have to be. to hear the words my submission isn't big enuogh cause i still need a friend, a man, a lover.....

its really hard to explain - in a lifestyle, claiming about hisself that he gives the freedom to be what You are - and finally (thats my experience so far) be what i expect You to be - defined by words and positions....

there is no answer at all and i am far from the point to say that is right and that is wrong.
it does not exist.

it need a journey to find what You seek and also to realize what am i???

none has the right to judge, to blame or whatever.
being honest with Yourself will may the best You can do and i would advice - if i am allowed to.
everyone has the oppurtunity to turn and leave - at least You will be not able to run from Yourself - You have to live with Yourself until the last breath....
that keeps me ongoing in moments like You describe - smile -

i give You a hug and wish You all the best.

stay curiuos and suck the experience of life - even its vanilla or the lifestyle -

thats what You are......

love

petra



< Message edited by match2u -- 4/16/2005 5:15:28 AM >

(in reply to hazeydaisy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Who am I? - 4/16/2005 8:02:56 AM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline
You are quite normal in feeling all you are feeling. We all have had what am i doing moments in the middle of a scene as well as other times. Just because you are new or experienced it happens. You have to face who and what you desire in your heart and embrace it. That takes time and finding the right person.

So take your time, read a lot and learn slowly with the RIGHT person. That takes time and a lot of talk.

Good luck and know people are here on the forums to talk about this kind of stuff!


_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to hazeydaisy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Who am I? - 4/16/2005 11:48:16 AM   
hazeydaisy


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/20/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you both for your encouraging words, it is very much appreciated! :)

(in reply to theroebabe)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Who am I? - 4/27/2005 6:02:41 AM   
SirSTRYKER


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/15/2004
Status: offline 		Ah littleone you are not alone. Many of U/us question who W/we are at some point or another. My wife/sub had never even heard of this lifestyle. I was used to those who were more experienced. The difference is she knew that I liked it and over the years has grown to not only accept it but finds she loves it as well. Oh W/we are not the role modle for the cover of BDSM Quarterly to be sure, but what W/we do do works quite well for U/us. As for the vanillas calling you a freak for your desires, that is to be expected. Many of O/our vanilla friends still question U/us or her behind My back mostly. I've long since stopped trying to explain O/our lifestyle as I hope soon you will also. You know what you desire and believe Me, when you least expect it, One WILL come into your life and toil the soil in your heart and bring forth such a lovely flower from deep within you. I know it's true and this is My wish for you littleone. Remain true to yourself and to Hell with the others!

_____________________________

B.O.H.I.C.A. (bend over here it comes again.)

(in reply to hazeydaisy)
Profile   Post #: 5
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