NCMaster53
Posts: 12
Joined: 6/6/2004
Status: offline
|
Prologue: I have written this from the standpoint of a Male Dominant and female submissive; however, I believe that many of the principles apply to other situations. I do not proclaim to be "All Knowing", but do want to express My thoughts on the responsibilities of a Dominant.
Most of us that have spent anytime at all in on-line chat rooms have come across the Cyber Dom that doesn't have a clue about what this life style is really involves. The recognition of the need that is within us, both Dom and sub, is soon followed by an increasing need to experience real time the things we feel. Sadly, not everyone takes the time to learn what the underlying basis of this life style embraces.
My thoughts in this essay, address the responsibilities of the Dominant. On first glance to the casual observer, BDSM and D/s are merely kinky sex games that can be fun. Also, to some it may seem like a great way to "get laid". After all, all you have to do is go into a chat room, bark out commands, and expect the submissive to fall at your feet begging to be taken. Unfortunatately, too many times submissives get involved with these Cyber Doms and have a less than wonderful experience.
In the real world of D/s, there is much more to "The Power Exchange" than the dominant giving orders. D/s relationships are just that... relationships. Each partner has needs and responsibilities. If the needs and responsibilities are not met by either of the partners, the relationship will not be successful. Much has been said and written about the "gift of submission" and I fully embrace the fact that true submission is a gift. However, I want to address the "Gift of Dominance".
It is one thing to get a submissive to strip and kneel for your pleasure, but if You cannot meet her needs of Dominance, it will be a short-lived meeting. The Dominant has a clear responsibility to provide for His submissive's needs. There has to be an exchange of power, the submissive has a need to relinquish control and be taken to that special headspace. If, after you have her naked and kneeling, you leave her still wanting, or worse yet, feeling used, then there has not been an exchange. What has happened is that the Dominant met His needs without concern of the submissive's needs. While that may suffice for the short term, it does not offer much for a long-term relationship.
The Dominant must not only know His needs, but He must also understand the needs of His submissive. He has to understand what is in her head... what is her inner most thoughts. In order to know this, there must be open and total communication between the two. This is something easier to say than to actually make happen. The Dominant has to be confident enough to say just what He expects and He has to make the submissive feel comfortable enough to express herself openly. Realizing that if the needs and desires of the two are not similar, then it is better to move on than to try and "make-do".
Also, assuming that the communication is good, and the needs mesh well, the Dominant has a responsibility to keep the experience fresh. To continually "push the envelope". Often, in the beginning of a relationship, discussion of limits is a part of the communication. However, if the relationship evolves and trust is earned, then slowly, most "limits" are gradually tested and passed. There is a need within the submissive to explore and experience different things with One that she trusts. I do recognize that some limits are truly that, things that the submissive will not do. What those are vary from person to person, these are usually things that go against the moral fiber of the person.
But, aside from those types of limits, the Dominant has a responsibility to allow the submissive the opportunity to explore different sensations, different emotions, and different stimuli.
The submissive has a need to please her Dominant; she also has a need to grow in her submission. One of the drawing cards of D/s is the ability to go beyond the "norm". It is the ability to experience without fear of being thought of as abnormal. The Dominant should be able to allow His submissive to grow in her submission by taking her a little farther into herself each time. We should all recognize that the world or D/s is a continuum and where we find our comfort level varies from person to person. When the partners are well suited, they will each grow and move along the continuum together. The dominant has to keep things fresh. Keep the interest growing.
The D/s relationship is about far more than just kinky sex, although that is a very interesting part, the mental aspects of the D/s relationship are much more important. The "head space" the Dominant gets from the total surrender of His submissive is something that cannot be matched, except perhaps by the "head space" of His submissive as she submits.
Both partners contribute to the success of any relationship, but in D/s relationships, most of the responsibility rests with the Dominant. He is the one that sets the pace; He is the one that keeps the newness alive. He is the one that pushes the submissive to new levels of exploring. He is the one that enforces the protocols. He must be the strength of the relationship.
If He sets protocols and does not enforce them, if He waivers in His attention to His submissive, if he allows the experiences to become routine, if he does not Dominate, then the relationship will falter. The responsibilities of the Dominant are great, and for the true Dominant the rewards are just as great. It behooves the dominant to continually grow and learn, to explore new things Himself. A good Dominant knows how to bring pleasure to His submissive's body; A great Dominant knows how to bring happiness to her mind.
[email protected]
All content copyright NCMaster.com unless otherwise noted
|
OK... You have her naked and kneeling... Now What? - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread