NCMaster53
Posts: 12
Joined: 6/6/2004
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Prologue: I have written this from the standpoint of a Male Dominant and female submissive; however, I believe that many of the principles apply to other situations. I do not proclaim to be "All Knowing", but do want to express My thoughts on the responsibilities of a Dominant.
Within the BDSM, D/s lifestyle a generally accepted credence has been SSC or Safe, Sane, Consensual. One of the basic premises of this credence is the acceptance and use of “Safe Words”. Safe Words serve the purpose of communicating to the Top that the bottom has reached a point where the intensity needs to stop or lessen. The purpose of this writing is not to discuss the necessity of Safe Words or the inherit problems with their use or failure to use. My purpose in this writing is to propose an interesting approach to using one of the Safe Words to learn and grow.
Any set of words can be used as Safe Words as long as both the Top and bottom understand and agree to what they are and what they mean. Typically, the words “Red” and “Yellow” are used as Safe Words. “Red” usually means the bottom has reached a point where the intensity is too much to bear and the play needs to stop, at least temporarily to allow the bottom to rest or recover. Whether the play is restarted is decided between the Top and bottom after the bottom has had time to consider if the play should continue. “Yellow” is often used to communicate that the bottom is nearing the point of intensity that is too much but not yet there. Usually this is an indication to the Top to slow down or reduce the intensity.
No matter what the type of play, generally, the purpose of the play is to create sensations which are enjoyable. This lifestyle seems to be for those of us that enjoy pushing the limits a bit more that others and we seek to explore more intense sensations. With this in mind I have developed the philosophy that the proper use of the “Yellow” Safe Word can allow the Top and bottom to explore the growth and expansion of the limits thereby increasing the sensations.
To the more inexperienced players, “Yellow” is often responded to as if it were “Red”. The inexperienced Top will tend to stop the play when “Yellow” is used or greatly reduce the intensity and the inexperienced bottom will tend to use the “Yellow” as a signal to stop the play. There is also a tendency for the inexperienced bottom to avoid using the “Yellow” as a sign that they can take the intensity and wait until they are forced to “Red”. Often waiting until it is just too much. This “submissive stubbornness” as it is often called, should be discussed before the play begins to avoid this type of response.
My philosophy is that the Top and bottom should fully discuss the use of Safe Words before play begins, with each having the understanding that “Yellow” means that the intensity level is acceptable but close to being too much. When “Yellow” is used, the Top should not slow down or decrease the intensity, but continue at the same level for a while allowing the bottom to adjust and accept. This builds the ability of the bottom to grow and expand their tolerances. If the continued level becomes too much the “Red” can be used and the play stopped. If the bottom understands that this is expected, he/she will not usually try to “gut it out” and avoid using “Yellow”. With both the Top and bottom understanding that the proper use of “Yellow” is to identify the “zone of acceptable” intensity, the play can continue as each learns to expand the “zone of acceptable” intensity.
An alternative approach is the use of a numbered scale system. A scale of 1 to 10 being used where 10 is equivalent to “Red” and 5 to 9 being used to denote a variable “Yellow”. This allows for continuing communications between the bottom and Top without hampering or stopping the play. As the play continues, the Top can be advised to the tolerance level of the bottom in an on-going basis and can adjust the intensity as the play progresses. This also allows for a bottom to communicate to the Top if the level of intensity is much to low as well. A bottom telling the Top that the level is a 2 or 4 for example should signal the Top that the intensity can be increased.
Remember, Endorphins are the things that most bottoms are seeking to get that “Head Space” high during the play. The body usually builds a tolerance for endorphins and to continue to reach that Head Space, the level of intensity needs to increase so the supply of endorphins will be increased. This increased level of intensity can be gradually reached by using these techniques. Using the “Yellow” to grow not to slow down will greatly improve the bottom’s ability to experience more stimulating sensations.
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Learning, Growing From the Yellow - 
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