NCMaster53
Posts: 12
Joined: 6/6/2004
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Prologue: I have written this from the standpoint of a Male Dominant and female submissive; however, I believe that many of the principles apply to other situations. I do not proclaim to be "All Knowing", but do want to express My thoughts on the responsibilities of a Dominant.
Most of My writing tends to address the responsibility of the dominant in the D/s Lifestyle. This is a subject that is very important and needs to be more clearly understood by those who share this lifestyle. The very essence of D/s is based on the fact that one of the partners is the dominant and the other the submissive. Therefore, the dominant should be the one that takes the responsibility for all that is involved.
We have embraced the principles that our play is SSC…Safe, Sane, and Consensual. We want to enjoy our play without anyone being injured or harmed. However, as anyone that has been in the lifestyle for any length of time can tell you, sometimes things go wrong. We attempt to take the usual precautions to ensure that injury doesn't happen, that the toys are clean and well maintained, the first aid kit is handy and the equipment is sturdy. In spite of this, sometimes, things do go wrong and they are not always the expected. Are you ready to deal with some of the things that could possibly go wrong that are not the norm?
For example, if your partner suffers a medical emergency that requires a visit to the hospital, do you know whom to contact? Do you know which doctor to call? Do you have the phone numbers? Are you prepared to answer some difficult questions? We all hope things like this will not occur, but it is something to think about.
On another note, when a scene goes wrong, it could more probably involve an emotional trauma. The intensity of the emotions, the intensity of the play, the submissive going into "sub space" sometimes can bring up emotional issues long since buried. As the dominant, do you know what to do? Are you aware of what "emotional demons" may be lurking. Not all of these can be anticipated, but before you begin certain kinds of intense play, it is good to have discussed these things before hand.
Some of the scenes that we occasionally try involve things like interrogation scenes where the intensity is very high. Where the scene becomes somewhat, even quite adversarial and can bring forth hidden emotions of one's past. Other scenes like fantasy rape can also bring to the surface hidden scars or feelings. Knife play, needle play and many others can be a "trigger" to cause an emotional response that is not expected.
When these emotions surface the submissive can be in real distress and needs to be handled carefully. The dominant needs to bring the submissive back as gently as possible, although sometimes it may be necessary to call her name loudly, even shake her to get her attention. During an event like this, aftercare is very important. The submissive needs to feel the closeness of the dominant, she needs to know that she is not alone and under no circumstances should she be left alone. The aftercare during these times is not something that is over in a few minutes. The dominant needs to stay with the submissive as long as it takes to get her back to a normal presence. Having something for her to drink, water, juice, or her favorite soft drink is a good choice. A blanket is often good to cover her so she will not be chilled, and always a comforting voice from the dominant.
Scenes can go wrong even in the usually safer types of play. Even a flogging scene can bring up memories of a past bad experience. A misplace lash of the flogger may be a reminder of a time when things went bad before and change the demeanor of the submissive. The dominant needs to be able to recognize when things are not going well and be prepared to handle them carefully.
All of these things are best handled by good communications both before and after the scene. After the scene and the submissive has recovered, the dominant should engage her in communication to explore what went wrong; why it went wrong and how to avoid it in the future. Like the Boy Scouts, the good dominant tries to be prepared for even the unexpected. That is His responsibility.
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When A Scene Goes Wrong - 
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