MichaelJ -> RE: abandoment of a sub (2/1/2004 2:09:52 PM)
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There's "abandonment" and "Abandonment" and "ABANDONMENT", and it seems pretty clear which one you're referring to. In my never very humble opinion, if you're in a situation in which you're not certain whether you still have a Master or not, where you're wondering if you should be looking for a new one, then I think it's a safe bet that you've been abandoned. I wouldn't, however, let that get you down or think of it as somehow reflecting on you. Anyone purporting to be a Master who leaves a submissive or slave in that state of ambivalence, who simply doesn't communicate or come around for an extended period of time without providing rhyme or reason or any sense of closure or a hint of expectations is not behaving much like a Master and, as the Pennsylvania Dutch would say, you're better off shut of him. What you seem to be describing is what I would very definitely call ABANDONMENT, and it's something for which there is no real justification. Even if he didn't find you pleasing and didn't want to continue, he could at least have gonads to do a Donald Trump and say, "You're fired." My guess, without knowing any details, of course, is that you can probably do better, and should. As for Abandonment, I don't have much time for that, either. What I call Abandonment occurs within a real-time relationship and is characterized by a Master withdrawing, particularly emotionally, from his submissive or slave, sometimes just for a period of time. There are some who employ it as a form of punishment. Balderdash! Even if I send a slave to a corner for quiet time as punishment, that's no more abandoning her than is sending a kid to the time-out chair abandoning the child. Punishment, from my perspective, is, and needs to be, engagement rather than abandonment. No matter how severe the punishment, the slave needs to understand that I'm punishing her because of the value I place on her. Withdrawing from her (Abandonment) seems to me to communicate just the opposite. As for abandonment, that's a whole 'nother thing and I'll give some thought to taking it up in a separate thread. Michael
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