Is it just me or.....

Is it just me or..... (Full Version)

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Aneirin -> Is it just me or..... (4/12/2007 11:35:48 PM)
This switch thing,Is it just me or is it confusing and annoying to others also?A week or so ago,I became very submissive,more so than normal,now though I do still feel that way,it is less so,I feel I am going to change again soon.With reference to meeting others,in the past,I had sought submissives and now dominants,I think it would be easier in future to look for just switches,so that they may understand the change.The worry there,is what if both were the same orientation at the same time?What do others do,how do they understand their switch?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/13/2007 7:26:52 AM)
If you can work to get rid of the notion that the enjoyment of SM is linked to Ds role, it might help. I know lots of Masters who are masochists, including myself on some levels. I know lots of slaves who are excellent Tops (sadists; Top being different than Dom or Master for me). Finding like-minded people might help, but since you find the topic to be confusing an annoying yourself, I doubt that it will. You need to first come to terms with yourself before you'll be able to totally come to terms with other people. Master Fire

Mustardseed -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/13/2007 8:03:09 AM)
One of the problems I've heard with dating other switches -- even a friend of mine had this as a problem with her primary lover -- is figuring out who gets to top or bottom at any given time. If both feel a need or desire to bottom, then the one who compromises may end up being a less than inspired top ... and vice versa. I've seen people trade off within the same night: B tops C, then aftercare, then C tops B, then more aftercare. There are probably people who just go after each other similtaneously: impact play, biting, sratching, pinching etc., during what would otherwise be considered typical intercourse or otherwise "vanilla" sex. There could also be compromises along the lines of service topping vs. service bottoming.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/13/2007 8:06:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aneirin This switch thing,Is it just me or is it confusing and annoying to others also?A week or so ago,I became very submissive,more so than normal,now though I do still feel that way,it is less so,I feel I am going to change again soon.With reference to meeting others,in the past,I had sought submissives and now dominants,I think it would be easier in future to look for just switches,so that they may understand the change. It's rare for a switch to switch WITHIN one relationship. Far more often they are stable in one position in on relationship, but had another position in another relationship. But they are out there. quote: The worry there,is what if both were the same orientation at the same time?What do others do,how do they understand their switch? On the rare time that happens, we just snuggle and watch movies, or one of us tops the other for fun. Our relationship is based on us being together, not on one of us having authority.

stockingluvr54 -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/13/2007 9:32:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: The worry there,is what if both were the same orientation at the same time?What do others do,how do they understand their switch? On the rare time that happens, we just snuggle and watch movies, That was my first thought..... If both are feeling sub maybe just catch up on some quality cuddle time??????

Suleiman -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/13/2007 12:23:12 PM)
Some people need their labels. Some people need to have a certain rigid structure around which they build their lives. Switch is just another label. You are whom you are. Your partner is who they are. Neither of you can be anybody else. If they can't cope with you occasionally wanting a change of pace, then they can't cope with you. If you have been misleading them, not admitting to your occasional shift in tastes and desires, they may well have a right to be annoyed. Love whom you love, and be honest with them. If they love you, they will accept you. Everything else is just a matter of negotiation.

Elorin -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/13/2007 7:35:46 PM)
Switching neither annoys nor confuses me. It's who I am. I like to be zapped w/ the violet wand. I like to zap others w/ the violet wand. I like to be tied up with rope. I like to tie others up with rope. I like vanilla ice cream. (Breyers Vanilla Bean preferably) I like peppermint ice cream. I like bubblegum ice cream. It is easier to be a switch if you are poly because you KNOW that if you go to partner X, you can get dominated, and you KNOW if you go to partner Y, you can get to be the one in charge. But if you get with another switch, then the two of you decide what to do. If you both feel sub you may as well flip a coin to find out who gets to be the Top first, and then swap later. If you both feel Dom, do the same thing. If you are in complimentary moods, awesome. Life is confusing, ya just gotta think about it and work it out. If switching confuses you, take some time to look at yourself and figure out what causes your switch first, and then try to find a partner with that knowledge in hand. For me, there are certain activities I'm almost always game for (needles, fire, knives, rope) as a bottom. But I don't feel submissive off and on. My submission is only inspired by those for whom I have a great deal of respect. So submission isn't a mood, it's a response to a person. Dominance is my primary personality, but I only use it on those who have chosen to engage my dominance - those who have consented for me to dominate them. And I'm always game for LOTS of activities as a top. Hope some of that helped, somehow. ~Elorin

arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/13/2007 8:06:41 PM)
Human beings. this is just one facet of my complex personality. No it doesn't annoy me or Daddy. I am who I am. We allow each other the space to be fully human which means somewhat variable. We allow ourselves that space. Now I don't switch with him. But my personality is not static. If I were also in relationship with a switch we would figure it out together. Don't need power exchange nor bdsm to love each other and just fuck and wallow at times. And at other times fight for supremacy. So many wonderful possibilities if you don't insist on painting yourself in the corner and if you are truly open to some of the complexities of being fully human IMO.

jthorne -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/14/2007 7:12:56 PM)
If it's annoying, then you're in the wrong relationship. Same for if it's confusing. Either work out your switchiness outside the confines of a relationship, or find someone who can help you with it.

earthycouple -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/14/2007 7:49:38 PM)
Ahhh....Switch. I was in a relationship as a collared submissive to a very Dominant man. He watched me dominate others and it was fun for him to see me in that role; in that pleasure. Over time he realized I was good at what I do and found himself wanting to submit to me. He did just that. It took me completely off guard but we made it work. I kid you not, we were collared to each other. When we were in private we typically were a very average couple. Movies, dinner, sex... When we went to a dungeon I always submitted to him first, as it should have been in my mind. We didn't even speak of it, it was simply something we just knew and felt. And as someone mentioned earlier...I submitted, received aftercare, socialized a bit and then flipped the switch and he submitted, received after care and socialized. To this day, while we are not together for reasons totally unrelated to our BDSM life, I treasure every moment I had with him regardless because I love him; because he loves me. D~

WeltedBuns -> RE: Is it just me or..... (4/14/2007 8:58:38 PM)
I appreciate Collar Me for giving those of us who prefer an alternative lifestyle the freedom to communicate and grow together, but I do have to say that I have NEVER in my life met so many people be so DEPENDANT on labels, social etiquette, status, and role definitions just to make it through one more day. Just go with the flow...the more pins you stick in a relationship to try to fix it into a definitive shape simply ends up leaving behind a bunch of holes.

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