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Trouble with waffling Dom - 4/22/2005 10:45:27 AM

JinCap

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Joined: 7/16/2004
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Advice needed!

I have been in a long-distance D/s relationship for about a year. We see each other about every two months in person. In between, we spend time discussing scenes and wants and needs for the next time we see each other. When we see each other, then, however, He rarely follows through and seems very hesitant. i then find myself pulling back. when i ask why He did not follow through on X or Y, he claims that it was because he sensed that i, the sub, was not ready.

i have been struggling with this. Part of me says that He is the Dom, and therefore reserves the right to decide how fast we proceed. Another part of me says that the two of us are not a good match and i need to find someone who knows how to "push" more. i know he is not an experienced Dom.

thanks!
jincap

"Then it was they came for me, but no one spoke for me because by then there was no one left to speak."

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RE: Trouble with waffling Dom - 4/22/2005 10:54:21 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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It's long distance. Decide to date other people to gain experience on both ends, and still date eachother when you can. If you grow together, you will learn how to work this through.

Dominants aren't mind readers and it's better to be overly cautious than mopping up messes later. Also, dominants styles can vary greatly and what works for you might not be his style at all.

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RE: Trouble with waffling Dom - 4/22/2005 11:38:56 AM

MHOO314

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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A waffling Dom/me is as bad as a waffling submissive, LDR's are very hard to maintain and I agree, styles and chemistry are more key here then they are in vanilla---if you need more, as I was recently told, leave the pond and go for the ocean.

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RE: Trouble with waffling Dom - 4/22/2005 11:38:59 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
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jincup, you have some of the very concerns that a friend of mine has in a new relationshp that is NOT ldr.

she also offers other concerns to me (she bounces off me for advice, not that i am any better than she..she is pretty cool !) that i would not be surprised you have.

or for that matter, i had or have during the course of my journey.

you know what you need to do and no advice is needed; you know the nature of the relationship we dont ....

but one observation i have recently come to be very aware of, so i ask it as a question ...
is he really into you?

hugs girl, i know this must be hard.

~~shy

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RE: Trouble with waffling Dom - 4/22/2005 12:04:22 PM

JinCap

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Joined: 7/16/2004
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Thanks, shy. I guess that is the crux of it - when He doesn't follow through, it makes me feel as if He's not really into it.

jin

(in reply to slavedesires)

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RE: Trouble with waffling Dom - 4/22/2005 12:08:04 PM

slavedesires

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JinCap

Thanks, shy. I guess that is the crux of it - when He doesn't follow through, it makes me feel as if He's not really into it.

jin

no jin, tis not what i said...

i said..."into you."

rejection IS personal. So if you "feel" rejection it is you who feels rejected, not the "it" of the relationship.

does this make sense?

God girl, i cannot help but feel your sadness

~~shy

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

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RE: Trouble with waffling Dom - 4/22/2005 12:14:13 PM

JinCap

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Joined: 7/16/2004
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No, i really think he is into me. (i've been divorced twice and am fairly good at admitting to and dealing with rejection.)

it is that the commitment to making D/s work for us, in RL is all on my part.
i do a journal, share thoughts, obey him LD

but we get together, and he puts out zero energy

so i back off

only to later come back in LD, then have a slap again in RL next time we meet

jin

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"Then it was they came for me, but no one spoke for me because by then there
was no one left to speak."

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RE: Trouble with waffling Dom - 4/22/2005 4:04:30 PM

velvetvixen

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It is easy to get caught up in online fatasy about "what I'm gonna do to you the next time I see you, heh, heh, heh." But then when rubber meets the road or the whip nips the flesh it is another matter entirely. Maybe he isn't ready for RL. Maybe he is happy in online fantasyland. If you have been doing this for a year and you aren't moving forward in a way that meets your needs, maybe you need to get froggy and jump.

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