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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/23/2005 12:14:57 AM

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i personally dont play on first meetings and make this very clear up front when i first start talking to anyone....but some people will try to push the boundaries there to see how far they can get and unfortunately people get hurt in doing that. But i still stand by my beliefs and will not be swayed even if said person has a capitol letter in front of their name .......

satinn

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/23/2005 1:05:58 AM

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I do have a tendency to play first meeting, if the connection is there

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/23/2005 1:07:43 AM

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I have to agree that MzBerlin explained My viewpoint on this better then I could. I have played within hours of the first r/t meeting after getting to know the submissive on-line but that was only because we did click when we met. We had both made it clear that no play was expected and, like others have said, the situation would be played by ear.

Usually, even when I know it is going to be only a casual relationship I still only play lightly the first times. I find that I cannot achieve the level of intensity I am seeking when it is casual so I confine that depth of play to the few who have been with Me for quite some time.

Gentle Lady

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/23/2005 9:50:40 AM

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I think the answer to this depends on the distance. If you live 5 minutes away from each other then it makes sense to quickly go for the face-to-face informal meeting for coffee or something to get acquainted, and you can easily meet as many times as it takes until you're both comfortable with playing. But get out and meet instead of being paranoid and spending a lot of time trying to get to know each other remotely; you meet folks every day and if you are interested in someone you don't say -- "Let's get to know each other on-line before meeting again."

But as distance increases it makes sense to spend more time getting to know each other by phone etc, and that significantly raises the liklihood that "click will happen" when you do meet; if you're not clicking already you probably won't bother to meet. As a matter of fact, you've probably spent enough time getting acquainted that you wouldn't drag your ass all that way unless you were both optimistic things would go well. Then I think it is foolish to be bound by some iron-clad rule of never playing on the first date. Of course, playing shouldn't be an expectation either; so my vote goes for flexibility because things may not work out well too.

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/23/2005 12:42:52 PM

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quote:

How many say it's ok to "scene" or "play" or what ever you chose to call it... on the very first face to face meeting with someone you have been talking to online only?

Not me. Ever. IMHO that's just crazy. But like you said, to each their own.

One person I know calls it "a meet and greet". Which sounds about right to me.

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< Message edited by feline -- 4/23/2005 12:47:55 PM >

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/23/2005 5:00:40 PM

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Playing on the first meeting is not for everyone. I have often. Usually this is someone i have chatted with online for a good while . Have all the ground rules laid out. when i want more then a play session and more of a relationship then i do the meet for coffee or lunch thing several times and get really involved with the person.

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/24/2005 3:21:51 AM

Oumae

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Well I play on first meeting... it may just be some mild mental play but its play of a sort.

I'd be for each to their own on this.... I trust my instincts and follow them.

Oumae

< Message edited by Oumae -- 4/24/2005 3:45:14 AM >

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/24/2005 3:25:18 AM

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...nevermind

< Message edited by MzBerlin -- 4/24/2005 3:28:02 AM >

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/24/2005 6:57:26 AM

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Are you available for cloning? LOL!!

cheers
jimini

quote:

ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176

I may have a different perspective than some, but I prefer to limit my interactions with those I've just met to the intellectual. I want to crawl around inside a girl's mind and really understand what makes her tick beofre committing to a physical relationship. I'm also pretty uninterested in casual scening so I'm also biased in favor of playing only with those with whom I share some sort of connection.
Timothy

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/24/2005 7:18:39 AM

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I am ok playing with a sub on a first meeting if play is done at a D/s event with others present. When it comes to a private play session in my home, I never bring someone there unless I have first had a vanilla meeting outside of my home and have developed some connection with the person. My private play tends to be more personal and intimate, and I don't open myself to that unless I have developed a relationship with the person. It's also a safety issue for me.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to satinn)

RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/26/2005 7:26:10 AM

angelicalistical

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i would have to say i'm also one of those who simply follows her instinct....especially when it comes to defining the conditions of play... after all, some might consider the simple act of bringing one a beer *play*

to each their own i suppose *giggles n winks*

(in reply to SecretDomme)

RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/26/2005 10:22:09 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelicalistical
i would have to say i'm also one of those who simply follows her instinct....especially when it comes to defining the conditions of play... after all, some might consider the simple act of bringing one a beer *play*

to each their own i suppose *giggles n winks*

I agree with you, especially since the OP didn't mention anything specific like would you allow yourself suspended or exchange body fluids on 1st meet? Even than it's up to each's best judgement.
I think that for those people who would be left uncomfortable wondering about the future, or those people not completely impressed that their partner is not a sociopath, than play on first meeting would be crazy. M

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(in reply to angelicalistical)

RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/26/2005 11:17:35 AM

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I think playing the first time can work and a lot of that depends on the people and how you connect. But I always keep in mind the sub who thought everything was clicking and desided to play the first time out. They had talked and she thought everything was understood and her limits would be followed. Then she was raped and every limit thrown away. Granted I believe that I have really good people judgement, but what if that's the one time I'm wrong?
I do believe that you can get to know someone long distance really well, even better sometimes than face to face. The computer or phone sometimes makes it easier to open yourself. Master and I had a long distance relationship for about a year before I moved. (We did get together a few times before i moved) I knew nearly everything about his believes, his family, his sense of humor, and nearly everything important, but it was still wierd at first. You don't know that persons body language, don't know they are twitchy or smell or any number of wierd things.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/26/2005 11:47:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: srahfox
I think playing the first time can work and a lot of that depends on the people and how you connect.

Kool, we agree...

quote:

But I always keep in mind the sub who thought everything was clicking and desided to play the first time out. They had talked and she thought everything was understood and her limits would be followed. Then she was raped and every limit thrown away.

I don't think that's clicking; I think that is "I think he's hot, I'm not completely sure he isn't psycho, but I'm going to try him out on a 1st date"... I have no idea why people violate others that way.
I never fully trusted my instincts and judgement before... I do pretty well now, and think it's important to my happiness to make choices and live with consequences, after all that's what life is about for me; I definitely don't feel I was put on earth to live like a porcelain doll, than die (not saying I mind that kind of treatment from others). Obviously I'm more careful about riskier things. M

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(in reply to srahfox)

RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/26/2005 5:14:54 PM

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i think there are no set rule about playing on a first date. Its really a question of chemistry for me, if i feel like it, i will play on a first date. if i don't feel like it, i won't. I have been with my current dom for several months and we are very very happy. and on our first date, we did it all!

(in reply to proudsub)

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