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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 1:27:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

I don't chase submissives. I don't enjoy it.

Ditto! It is fuk'n up valuable time we could be spending together. If I have to chase they will eventually learn they are in a solo chase scene... that’s called jogging right?

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 1:53:25 AM

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laughing....which is why there was not an answer box for one such as myself in the troll poll! It just goes to show that no matter what lifestyle one chooses there are always variations.

Personally, I want a Dom that can jog.....no couch potatoe Dom for me that can't be bothered to follow the natural genetic instinct to hunt. I want someone I can be lost in the woods with and know that thru him we will survive!

Seriously though, it's during the hunt that I am able to see if he is intellectually strong enough for me and is mulit-faceted. There are certain traits that I respect and those that just make me laugh. The pursuit definitely shows whether or not the Dom is someone I would be able to relate to.

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 2:01:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jevousadore

laughing....which is why there was not an answer box for one such as myself in the troll poll! It just goes to show that no matter what lifestyle one chooses there are always variations.

Personally, I want a Dom that can jog.....no couch potatoe Dom for me that can't be bothered to follow the natural genetic instinct to hunt. I want someone I can be lost in the woods with and know that thru him we will survive!

I don’t think you know me well enough for such an assumption.

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 3:01:19 AM

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Hi puella,

I'm a male Dom/Top, and I'm not a big fan of "the chase", nor am I interested in those who want to be chased. Yeah, there are overtones of playing games, being tested, and emotional manipulation that turn me off, but I don't think that is the real issue.

When you scratch below the surface, "the chase" is really just another fetish, in my opinion. And just like those who are into buying sexy shoes or into worshiping feet, the attraction of "the chase" fetish is completely opaque to me. Actually, that's not quite accurate. I can understand that there is an adrenaline rush. And I would imagine there could be some ego strokes that comes from the perceived status of the "chaser" and the "chasee". For those who have it, both male and female, the positives must surely outweigh the negatives. It doesn't mean it's wrong, nor that they shouldn't enjoy it. More power to them.

But when you cut through all the bullshit, you either have the fetish or you don't. And it is to be expected that it will be opaque to those of us who don't share it. There are many who could say the same thing about my S&M fetish or my D/s fetish.

By the way, this statement is in direct contradiction to my experience. I suspect it may be an over-generalization.

"I think it is innate in almost any man to enjoy the deliciousness of the chase."

Clearly, your experience doesn't match mine... which is to be expected. So here's my experience.

I personally know many women in the lifestyle who also "enjoy the deliciousness" of being the chaser.
I personally know many male submissives who adore being the chasee (and a couple of Doms too).
And, most of the male Doms I know, those over 35 anyway, don't have the fetish and have no interest in the submissives who do.

Based on my BDSM experience, in three states, the percentage of those who have this fetish (both males and females) is less than 25%.

I guess where I'm going with all of this is that you apparently don't have this fetish. As far as I'm concerned that's great! More power to you for not having it. I just hope you are not stuck in a place where your only options are those who do. That would truly suck!

Best of Luck,
HawkWolf

*** edited for spelling ***

< Message edited by hawkwolf7 -- 4/15/2007 3:34:31 AM >

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 3:13:32 AM

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I have to wonder if the "chase" aspect is more thrilling to a male
if there are other males watching and/or competing for the same
woman?

That said, chasing and pursuing someone is not my fetish
at all, nor do I enjoy being pursued. I prefer the honest,
direct approach, saving both parties time and effort.

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 3:27:23 AM

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I enjoy being "chased" or perhaps better said for me is - to be found interesting- worth pursuing.

I would not concider myself a "runner" I mean, I am in no rush I am very patient- but I dont think I am at all difficult making cause to chase harder. I am patient/go slow when first speaking to some one. However if I feel a strong type of connection with them sooner rather than later - I have no problems meeting face to face.

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 5:37:46 AM

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I see my methods as being slightly different than others, but probably not drastically so.

In situations where I am making a first contact, the one 'pursued' is also being pursued by others. It's a numbers game I don't expect to win.

Most of the time, however, I prefer it that I be pursued, at least initially. But having done so, I still have to prove myself and might have to 'chase' back until I am allowed to win.

This is not usually a fun situation for me, because if I sense any eagerness in myself it is hard for me to chase with the grace that some people here seem to prefer (slowly, a day at a time). No, when I am interested and I can sense that I can get there, I move very rapidly. Deceptively quick for my age and size. But there is absolutely no 'thrill' to that chase until its over. I don't want to be engaged in that chase, only to make a misstep or have her get away.

Which is probably why I prefer being chased first.

Jeff

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 6:08:15 AM

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I'm going to throw a different theory into the mix here.....

Perhaps it's not a matter of "chasing" as much as protecting himself. (Speaking from a male chasing a female standpoint) He thinks he wants something, but if she gives in easily, whoa, wait a minute! It's now moving too quickly for the comfort zone!

If she's "running" or being "hard to get", he's doing the "chasing" and therefore, much more in control of himself and his emotions. But, if she gives in quickly, he may perceive it as either coming after him, or now that he's "caught" her so soon, he doesn't really know what to do with her. So he backs off to regain control of himself.

So, it's not a matter of loving the chase, it's just a matter of staying in a place where he feels more comfortable with the situation and how he's able to deal with it.

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 6:21:35 AM

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Interesting idea, windchymes, thanks for that!

I would have to think that that would be a perception on his part however... When I say that I do not 'run'... I tend not to 'run' either way. I am innately submissive, the idea of chasing down a dom is not just repellant, but antithetical to my nature. I would think it is the same for other women too... but who knows.

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 7:16:42 AM

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You're welcome, puella! I definitely agree with your thought that it's his perception. I also do not "chase" men, but I am guilty of making things "convenient" or easy for them, perhaps too much?

Very recently, I met someone on here who persued like crazy for a solid week, emails, several phone calls a day. We decided to meet for a late lunch, had a wonderful time, good conversation, definite sparks (or so I thought), a kiss goodbye, and he looked me in the eyes with a twinkle and said, "I'll definitely be calling you."

Two weeks later....nothing, not a word from him. So.....I've given up wracking my brains trying to figure out why this happens, maybe this IS a case of enjoying the chase, but not knowing what to do after she's "caught"? Who knows? Good topic, though!

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 7:22:07 AM

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The idea of a chase contradicts mutual attraction; to me it implies seduction, and since I stink at seduction I don't bother chasing. Of course, it is natural to expect a certain amount of . . . apprehension or uncertainty until trust develops to come together if attraction is there, and I get a sense of satisfaction in overcoming that. However, if that drags on too long it starts to seem like paranoia or "issues", and I also have no interest in dealing with that.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 4/15/2007 7:33:59 AM >

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 7:22:29 AM

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This topic is something that I have pondered and discussed with two of my dominant friends. I am of the opinion that there are Chasers and Keepers, and probably some hybrids that like both.

For some folks the most fun part is the Chasing and catching, the hunt, the courtship makes them feel alive. They love the initial dance, need it and crave it. The initial dance gets their highest focus, their most intense effort, their best. They adore that spark, that flirt, the not knowing, the conquering of fears and resistance. Chase is their crack.

For some folks, the initial part of relationships is awful. The not knowing, the sorting through the chaff. That is NOT when they give their all. The Chasing is not happy spaces for them. These are the folks that love the depth of getting to know someone. They relish the Keeping part, the depening and growth of a relationship. You get their best, their most intense effort, their highest focus when they know you are theirs and they are yours. They look forward to the work that is inherant in any good relationship. They crave it and need it.

I am totally a Keeper, I hate Chasing and love the getting to know people part. The deeper the relationship gets the harder I work, the more I give. In the initial stages I am a scrooge, wary, uncertain, suspicious.

Some folks seem to be hybrids, they like aspects of both. Personally I am drawn toward Keepers, but I currently serve someone who is a hybrid with a strong drive to Chase. This actually makes me a little warry sometimes. Honestly, it is important to me that the person I am with is naturally driven to seek out depth, that that is the honey spot for them, the growing richness of a stable connection. My hope is that there can be some balance, but we'll see. :)

Good luck everyone,
Master Jack's,
Willow

(in reply to puella)

RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 7:43:08 AM

crouchingtigress

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maturity is about not running, maturity is about standing still and standing strong, sitting comfotably in who you are, and laying your body down for your partner....and having your partner do the same.

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 8:03:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

Interesting idea, windchymes, thanks for that!

I would have to think that that would be a perception on his part however... When I say that I do not 'run'... I tend not to 'run' either way. I am innately submissive, the idea of chasing down a dom is not just repellant, but antithetical to my nature. I would think it is the same for other women too... but who knows.

I'm with you puella. Every vanilla relationship book I've ever read talks about guys loving the challenge, and if you make it too easy for them then they lose interest. I knew then I was screwed. It follows that same thinking that if you have sex with them really quick, they figure you're easy and lose interest. What are we? 16? Sheesh, if that's all it takes to lose their interest, then I can live without that type.

I don't chase and I don't run. I never was one to date a bunch of different guys, just for the fun of it either. I want a connection to the person I'm with. I'm pretty straightforward when it comes to relationships, and feel if you both want to be with each other then just do it . All of that game playing and drama crap just gets in the way of spending time with each other.

Don't get me wrong, I love the sensualness and sexiness of the seduction, but I'm pretty straightforward about that part too.

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 10:12:41 AM

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"So what do you do with a person who doesn’t lead a chase and simply kneels or stands (by that I mean yields or doesn’t). What is the fun in a person like that? What are the problems with a person like that?"

Greetings puella,

I have a bit of a different take on the chase. It works for women who run and for women who stand still. For me, the chase is all about the art of seduction. If there is an initial connection, it is one of my greatest pleasures to stimulate her imagination. To allow her to be so comfortable, even though we just met, that you find yourself feeling a wondrous sense of excitement and adventure. And the more that feeling grows, the more you find that you want to taste more of those experiences. Not a dinner, but a buffet of pleasures.

If she is a woman who has intelligence, is very sensual, and desires that feeling of being so alive, that is an aphrodisiac hard to resist.

If we are not meant for each other, or she is not ready for that intensity, that is the end of the chase for me.

But if she is ready, the seduction of her mind, body and spirit is an intimate part of my domination, growing more intense as the relationship blossoms.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 10:46:09 AM

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I asked someone a question recently which upon some reflection seems much like the OP. " When you think of yourself with a Dom, at what point in the relationship do you you find yourself in the most? " Her answer was much the same as mione thankfully. When I imagine myself in a relationship, where I find myself most often is after the dating, and geting to know one another initially. Its to the living together stage, where I and my sub have begun the process of integrating our lives together. We are already comfortable with each, the decision has been made that this could and should be a liftime thing.

quote:

For some folks, the initial part of relationships is awful. The not knowing, the sorting through the chaff. That is NOT when they give their all. The Chasing is not happy spaces for them. These are the folks that love the depth of getting to know someone. They relish the Keeping part, the depening and growth of a relationship. You get their best, their most intense effort, their highest focus when they know you are theirs and they are yours. They look forward to the work that is inherant in any good relationship. They crave it and need it.

And that right there is the best description I could give to myself

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 11:17:39 AM

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~Fast Reply~

As far as dating goes, I like being on the "defensive" so to speak. Flirting, being coy, letting them try to figure out how far you'll let them go... it's fun. But I've never done it in the start of a serious relationship. Valyraen and I headed back to my place our first night. While it's fun, it does remind me of the princes from "Into the Woods".

"The harder to catch, the better to have," "The harder to reach, the better to have,"..... reprise and it's "Now back home to my wife..."

The chase is fun. But when it's the best part, you'll be bored with what you get.

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 11:42:14 AM

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I'd also be interested in knowing, from those who enjoy either the change or being chased (i like neither to be honest) what happens to the relationship once you catch em (or are caught)? Is the spark over, or can You settle in and enjoy what you have at Your fingertips?

Thanks.
jimini

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 11:52:22 AM

Liiaa

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The chase is what keeps you alive your imagination growing.it impowers the both of you to seek new intrestes that with out the chase may have never flurished.
If the chase becomes boring you will lose the will to explore new intrests...kinda like eating vanilla ice cream every night for the rest of your life :p

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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/15/2007 12:23:20 PM

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I would love to eat vanilla ice cream every night for the rest of my life.

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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

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