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RE: sub doubts - 4/15/2007 6:15:48 PM

Obsidiansnamaste

Posts: 266
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Greetings kitten,

The journey to unveiling the submission one possess is difficult one. you have years of life and teachings which dictate to you to focus on yourself, your wants, wour needs, your way. Stripping away those layers takes time. It does not mean you always desire to do all you must do. Sometime there is an activity of service you dislike, sometimes you just want what you want...however you transcend those times based upon your inner knowledge that you are *most* fulfilled in service to Him...and in submission to Him. Over time and discipline - by your Owner as well as self discipline- those times when you err will hopefully become less and less frequent. i hope this helps somewhat.

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~Master Obsidians namaste
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Post #: 21

RE: sub doubts - 4/15/2007 6:17:04 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xethnkitten

<Xeth>
One thing I'm trying to put forth to her is that I want the dichotomy (sp?) of her telling me when she feels I need to help around the house, etc...as well as her deferring to me on what she needs to do, within reason.
Thank you all for supporting my kitten and helping her work through her thoughts.

-Xeth

From personal experience, it's very hard to look your owner in the face and tell him, "You've been a lazy butt all week. Please do the dishes like you said you would!" However, sometimes it simply has to be done. I advise finding a nicer way to put it. I favor, "Valyraen, you did promise you would put your RPG books away after game nights" As long as you do what you said you would do when reminded respectfully, she won't have to step outside the role of submissive and go "Damn it, you said you'd clean the bathroom! Hop to it!"

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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Post #: 22

RE: sub doubts - 4/15/2007 6:50:32 PM

xethnkitten

Posts: 44
Joined: 1/6/2007
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<Xeth> Very true. Especially the dishes and the RPG books. *chuckle*

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Post #: 23

RE: sub doubts - 4/15/2007 6:53:06 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

"Valyraen, you did promise you would put your RPG books away after game nights"

Whoa!!!! That is a fuk'n sin!!!! Beat your slave man, but be nice to your books.

Geeeez!

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Post #: 24

RE: sub doubts - 4/16/2007 4:28:57 AM

WillowRain

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

Dear xethnkitten,
Before reading what everyone has said, I'm going to write my responce. So if I walk over the same ground others have please forgive me.

I have one really close girlfriend and she and I have talked about this for years. It's something that I think a lot of men don't get for some reason. A lot of women, not just submissive women have a sixteenth century housewife gear. If she is really happy, secure and her needs are met, that gear kicks in and for some ungodly reason suddenly it doesn't seem like such a bad idea to get up early and make scones. The floor boards start to look like they need a scrubbing. It is a bizzare phenomena. Take that same woman, don't meet her needs, do things that make her feel insecure and anxious, don't provide, don't protect, and she'll wake up, snort, roll over and ask you why the hell you haven't brought her coffee. It's bizzare.

My sugestion would be to sit down with your Sir and look at how you are feeling. Are your needs being met in the relationship? Is your cup full? Are you feeling greatful? And if not, why? My bet would be that if you two take the time to check in on how things are balanced, and your needs are met that you will find yourself waking up and thinking. "You know... I wish I had a cow to milk for him." Your sixteenth century housewife gear will probably kick right in. It can be really hard to freely serve when your own needs are being neglected. It starts to feel unfair, and unbalanced. It's part of his job to insure that BOTH your needs are met, not just his own. Good luck!

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Post #: 25

RE: sub doubts - 4/16/2007 5:04:07 AM

StellaByStarlite

Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline

Hello. =)

Whenever I have bad slave days, I take a step back and try to remember that my husband isn't going anywhere, we have all the time in the world to work out the bumps. Try to keep things in perspective... 10 years of marriage equals quite a few ups and downs, I bet. You've managed to work through stressful mom days, money concerns, god knows what else. This is just one more bump in the grand scheme of things. =) Be patient with yourself!

S

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Post #: 26

RE: sub doubts - 4/16/2007 5:29:39 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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It's a little hard to sit quietly at his feet when he's out of town, having dinner with adults at restaurants while you're home dealing with sibling rivalry and cleaning up spilled macaroni and cheese.

Back when we were ldr we quickly discovered that motherhood and long distance assignments do not mesh. Order me to masturbate and write steamy emails about it and that just about guaranteed that I would find myself holding someone's head that night while they had a stomach virus.

Quite honestly, I would have enormous trouble being left with all the work and being expected to be pleased about it while he did no interaction with the other members of the family and instead immersed himself in his rpg's. When do you get time off to recharge your batteries?

I follow my partner not because he shirks his responsibilities but because he takes on more than his own. If I had to be nagging him about doing what he promised, I'd lose respect for him. And I don't follow happily the orders or suggestions of someone I don't respect.

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Post #: 27

RE: sub doubts - 4/16/2007 6:27:56 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

"Valyraen, you did promise you would put your RPG books away after game nights"

Whoa!!!! That is a fuk'n sin!!!! Beat your slave man, but be nice to your books.

Geeeez!

*giggles* He puts them in a safe place. Just not away so they, all the character sheets, and his game notes are always cluttering up the downstairs. Sometimes it's so tempting to open up his notebook and see what he's got planned for the next game...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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Post #: 28

RE: sub doubts - 4/16/2007 8:06:27 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
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kitten it's not easy sometimes. Master recomended this book to me http://www.surrenderedwife.com/ i've found it to be very helpful and i highly recomend it to you and every sub/slave

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Post #: 29

RE: sub doubts - 4/16/2007 2:35:54 PM

xethnkitten

Posts: 44
Joined: 1/6/2007
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::giggle:: just so you guys know, we've only bern married for almost 5 years. It made me laugh..

We are working out new work schedules w/ him away a bunch of the time, so we are out of balance right now.

The urge to revive this side of our relationship has been a fairly recent development. I think part of it is the structure it gives me in my life and then there's the puddle of goo it reduces me to. lol

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Post #: 30

RE: sub doubts - 4/16/2007 3:37:03 PM

raevnn

Posts: 152
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quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

kitten it's not easy sometimes. Master recomended this book to me http://www.surrenderedwife.com/ i've found it to be very helpful and i highly recomend it to you and every sub/slave

I second the recommendation of that book... for any submissive wife, really. It's helped me a lot. Oodles, even. ;)

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-raevnn

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Post #: 31

RE: sub doubts - 4/16/2007 4:18:40 PM

CypherEnigma

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Joined: 7/24/2005
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What a great thread. Thank you for posting it. It gives me alot to think about.

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Post #: 32

RE: sub doubts - 4/16/2007 4:48:52 PM

xethnkitten

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you're welcome cypherenigma. I was so worried about getting flamed when i started to post. I was struggling so much. I am so excited at the positive response that I have received.

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Post #: 33