LAPhotogDaddy
Posts: 16
Joined: 4/25/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SweetMegan20
A pedophile has sexual fantasies about children and does not actually have to carry out the act of child abuse to become a pedophile. A rapist is only a rapist once he has raped someone.
Megan, I think some terms are getting mixed up here. Since I have done a great deal of reading and research into the broader topic of evolutionary psychology, I could not resist jumping in with my two cents (and believe me, I won't be hurt if you value it as such.)
In our society, we do a lousy job of delineating pedophilia and hebephilia, and I think it gets a lot of very good and healthy people confused.
Pedophilia has a pretty clear boundary: it is the sexual attraction to pre-pubescent children, and is considered by most mental health professionals to be rather unusual and aberrant behavior. It is not found in large numbers in any population, despite what "Dateline" might want us to think. For example, in a broader context - it is quite rare to find mammals sexually interested in members of the opposite sex that have not yet reached fertility. It's simply not a trait that lends itself well to species survival.
But on the contrary, attraction to adolescents is called "hebephilia". The reason you don't hear that term a lot is because most psychologists - especially evolutionary psychologists - would tell you it's just normal, healthy sexuality. Almost all sexually active males are hebephilic to some degree.
My point is just that I think mixing these two things up distracts from the issue at hand.
With hebephilia, it really becomes more a matter of social norms to determine acceptable maturity, and it varies greatly across cultures and history. Every one of us descends from some unbelievably young mothers, especially as you look back through the Ages.
In eons past, this has provided significant advantage to populations. Neoteny (sexual attraction to youthful characteristics), paired with serial monogamy, often provided an ideal reproductive recipe - especially in conditions where survival of offspring was dubious. The greater the number of birth cycles in each mating pair's future, the greater the odds of that surviving offspring will result.
Having said all that, we have evolved a cortex and societies that enable and demand evolved behavior, whatever that happens to mean at the moment and place in which you happen to live.
I think if you polled the adult men you know, and they were really being honest with you and not fearing your scorn, would admit to having fantasized about sex with teenage girls. That's not pedophilia.
The age your boyfriend has mentioned, for whatever reason, is 13. I'd submit that there are very few 13 year olds who are not pubescent, probably nearly none - so I simply do not see this as a pedophilic fantasy. If he had said 6, I'd have a very different opinion. Thirteen is admittedly along the edge - perhaps he's testing your limits. It does seem he has pushed a button with you and I hope you work it out OK.
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RE: Age play - what do you think? - 
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