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Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/17/2007 7:19:08 PM

Bluebird

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Interesting article on long distance relationships. It seems applicable since so many here are involved in these, or at least meet that way.

http://www.lvrj.com/living/7060422.html

Do you agree with him?

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/17/2007 7:32:52 PM

UR2Badored

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Thanks for posting this.....it is a well thought out article.

I agree with his statements particularly the following:
"Long-distance relationships both artificially delay and artificially compress the natural rhythms of courtship. The delay, of course, is that no matter how often you text message, IM, voice mail, snail mail or e-mail, you can't really have a complete sense of someone's energy and lifestyle until you are in their space."
&
"...Relationship is a habit. With proximity, we get into the habit of partnership, accountability, touch, presence, interdependence. With distance, we eventually form the habit of not expecting those things. Or looking for them...."

I think, in general, LDR are rushed or morphed too quickly to form a solid union in many, not all, cases. There is the pressure or a sense of urgency and a do or die mentality associated with this type of relationship. Too rushed for me to get to know a person in a pace I feel comfortable with..I do not think it is impossible, but it takes luck and compability and a few frogs along the way. The courtship is put on fast forward by trying to fit a few months into a weekend. My heart and brain does not work that fast. As I get older, the TPE will only come with my truly admiring the person, and if I dont have the time or tools to make this accessment--it just goes stale for me most of the time. It is something though I very much would like to work out the kinks and find someone who can be patience with my pace and I with his. I just have had the problem with others wanting or expecting more in a first meeting than a tradition courtship would take or my value system would allow.

Thank you for introducing this article to our attention.....It is definitely something to weigh the pros and cons of in this modern day speed/internet dating joyride.

Bluebird, Do you agree with the article?

< Message edited by UR2Badored -- 4/17/2007 8:29:56 PM >

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/17/2007 8:09:17 PM

Bluebird

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Well, yes, I have to say I do agree with it in large part. By no means do I think of LDRs as "impossible" but it would be extremely difficult. I am a person who needs physical contact - not necessarily sex, but close contact. When my husband and I were first dating over 20 years ago, we spent 1 summer apart - and vowed never again. Don't get me wrong - I like time alone, even up to a couple of days. But I would not be happy in a situation where I only saw my loved one "on occasion."

Even in my D/s relationships (i.e. non-romance) I need physical presence. I do not even entertain letters from non-locals, as to me there is no point. I very much enjoy witty conversation, but if you really want to know me, you need to see how I smile, see what brings a tear to my eye, feel my anger, feel my touch.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/17/2007 8:16:43 PM

UR2Badored

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bluebird
I very much enjoy witty conversation, but if you really want to know me, you need to see how I smile, see what brings a tear to my eye, feel my anger, feel my touch.

That is quite possibly the sweetest thing I have read on this forum in a long while. Just in reading this it did occur to me.....it seems like you may be correct and that a person's essence (such as you've expressed) is lost in electronic translation. You have a good point. I again dont think it is impossible to pursue a LDR, and it is a trend that will only grow. There is nothing like your very own hand to hold at the end of the day, and a cyber foot massage just aint what it's cracked up to be :(

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/18/2007 5:26:14 AM

yenlui

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I agree with most of the things said in this article, and that is why I would never enter a ldr where we both didn't agree that it could only be for "a time". I don't belive in everlasting ldr, because I need to attend His life to be able to keep the emotions a loving relationship should have.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/18/2007 1:17:56 PM

MercTech

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LDR.. gad, what a concept. I'm traveling six months out of the year for my work. It would be nice to have someone reliable to care for the homestead while I went to work. A companion for traveling would be even better.

I tend to get skeptical about long distance relationships as, at least part of the time, that is what I have.

From the road,
Steven

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/18/2007 3:38:44 PM

OedipusRexIt

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To the OP:

Excellent and appropriate use of a link in a posting! Following it with a straightforward question of opinion is also cause for celebration!

Read the article. I do agree, and think his points are so well made I will not try to reproduce them.

Others should feel free to disagree, and forge ahead. I suspect hindsight will show you the truth, but to each, their own.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/19/2007 6:37:22 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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flatly disagree with every point in the article. it was written by someone who obviously has viewed ldrs from outside and personally inside himself.

i don't need physical and sexual attention from Daddy to "feel" complete in our D/s dynamic. it takes special, strong people to be in a ldr like we are for the last 8 months because it's not about the physical need of sex for Daddy and me. contrary to what the author stated, there's no artificial delay/compress between us - our love is real and/or better than most i've seen.

i can see why many here would thumb their noses down on those of us who are in ldrs thumping arrogantly and ignorantly their chests that r/t is the only way to go. having such a blind attitude merely shows people like that aren't open and respectful to some of us aren't lucky as others who have r/t. as i've said before in other posts like this, if i could i would move closer to Daddy however it's not possible for 2 good reasons. still i'm happy in my relationship ...we are committed for life because we didn't start off as Daddy and daughter on the first day. we grew learning about each other's interests and tastes which we share in common. our type of D/s ldr is tailored exclusively for us understanding it isn't suitable for others ...at least we are respectful and mindful of that. i wish others here would do the same towards those who are in ldrs for whatever reason.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/19/2007 6:45:56 AM

lockedaway

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I was in a LDR for 3 years with a Domme. I was in NJ and she was in Oklahoma. It worked out very well. I flew out to see her every 4-6 weeks for 4 or 5 days and we spoke every day on the telephone. If the attraction is there, the love and the chemistry, there is no reason why a LDR can't work and, perhaps, turn end up a permenent relationship with one or both parties relocating someplace.

Oh...just another interesting point. That Domme eventually moved out to NJ to live with me and the relationship continued for another 5 years. I spent MORE money when she lived with me than when I was flying to see her! Go figure.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/19/2007 6:52:37 AM

MellowSir

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I was in a ldr for about a year, she lived 6 hrs away. Being a male with a high sex drive, it was very hard to crave her from a distance. Emotionally I missed her terribly. I know for some it is largely mental, for me it's much more tactile. And bdsm-wise, reward/punishment and spot checks in person seem to be much more effective than attempting control from a distance. It works for those that are into it for purely mental reasons, I love the physicality hence it'd not work (for long) with me.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/19/2007 10:30:19 AM

yenlui

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

flatly disagree with every point in the article. it was written by someone who obviously has viewed ldrs from outside and personally inside himself.

i don't need physical and sexual attention from Daddy to "feel" complete in our D/s dynamic. it takes special, strong people to be in a ldr like we are for the last 8 months because it's not about the physical need of sex for Daddy and me. contrary to what the author stated, there's no artificial delay/compress between us - our love is real and/or better than most i've seen.

i can see why many here would thumb their noses down on those of us who are in ldrs thumping arrogantly and ignorantly their chests that r/t is the only way to go. having such a blind attitude merely shows people like that aren't open and respectful to some of us aren't lucky as others who have r/t. as i've said before in other posts like this, if i could i would move closer to Daddy however it's not possible for 2 good reasons. still i'm happy in my relationship ...we are committed for life because we didn't start off as Daddy and daughter on the first day. we grew learning about each other's interests and tastes which we share in common. our type of D/s ldr is tailored exclusively for us understanding it isn't suitable for others ...at least we are respectful and mindful of that. i wish others here would do the same towards those who are in ldrs for whatever reason.

Thank you for this post. Even though I, myself, could never function in a "for ever ldr", I feel that some see my relationship as less real because it's a ldr now, and will be for a year more at the most. But our love is very real, and our relationship is about alot more than D/s.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/19/2007 6:09:18 PM

Bluebird

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Wow, you don't need to be so defensive. I don't think anyone was attacking LDR's - not the columnist nor anyone posting here. He was simply pointing out the challenges for those who would jump in headfirst, noting that a "challenge" is something that can be overcome. To me personally, it would not be a workable situation, but if it works for you, by all means continue. I commend your commitment.

I didn't see anyone "thumping arrogantly and ignorantly their chests" - if you are seeing that in the what I felt were pretty heartfelt posts, then maybe you should simply smile and be happy that you are graced with something others don't understand rather than railing against it - lest you sound like you protest too much.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/19/2007 11:34:17 PM

OedipusRexIt

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... I think Bluebird's right. It was a thoughtful article, some serious posts, and no one need be defensive.

If it works for you, that's a blessing. It hasn't worked for me. In your bliss, can you find a moment's understanding for why others tread carefully?

... it's because we've stumbled in the pitfalls.

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RE: Long Distance Relationships - workable? - 4/20/2007 12:18:09 AM

ownedgirlie

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Going on three years of living 2 hours apart. It certainly has its challenges, but I think they're just a different set of challenges than living together or near each other would bring. It's all a matter of how you connect and what you do with that connection, and with those challenges. It works for some, not others.

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