Pick a side

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michaels4evr -> Pick a side (4/18/2007 2:24:07 PM)
the rare posting got me thinking... As a switch, i'm always both Dominant and submissive although I don't always act on each role simultaneously..therefore, its puzzling to me when groups ask that switches come to functions in "Domme mode" or "sub mode" only. What does that mean really? If I happen to accept a spanking from someone that evening, then I cannot spank someone that night? Or if someone who is usually submissive towards me addresses me as Ma'am, I should correct them and say tonight I am slave michael's?? Well tonight I am simply....me. Anyone else sick of the discrimination? -michael's

RoninTyger -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 2:28:06 PM)
you know multiple personalitys make it much easier to be a switch. however i find when two set up a date for the same night it can get awkward!

michaels4evr -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 2:34:05 PM)
As long as you keep communication open with yourselves..iI see no problem!

darkinshadows -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 3:32:21 PM)
I don't believe I have ever attended an event that has requested such. How about you just don't attend these events? Unless it is a private party, I have never seen this request made. Peace

damia -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 3:59:07 PM)
i have never seen this happen before, either, and i would not know what to do, unless my Lord didn't come...i am slave to my Lord always, but am dominant toward most others....a wild Kat who has one owner and will not submit to another 'handler'. And if both my Lord and my pet came....oh boy, what a mess it would be. LOL Frankly, i don't have any advice for you, but wanted to let you know that i too would be very confused in this situation, and i probably would not go or go and tell them that this is who i am and they can take it as it is (unless it's a private party where you follow the rules or don't go, and then i just wouldn't go). ~jewel

lilsquaw -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 4:13:41 PM)
this girl could see, in a larger mixed event, that having a switch choose their role would be less confusing for other Master/slaves. thinking the whole choice idea would not be to make things easier for the switch, but for themselves.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 4:57:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaels4evr the rare posting got me thinking... As a switch, i'm always both Dominant and submissive although I don't always act on each role simultaneously..therefore, its puzzling to me when groups ask that switches come to functions in "Domme mode" or "sub mode" only. What does that mean really? If I happen to accept a spanking from someone that evening, then I cannot spank someone that night? Or if someone who is usually submissive towards me addresses me as Ma'am, I should correct them and say tonight I am slave michael's?? Well tonight I am simply....me. Anyone else sick of the discrimination? -michael's I am a founding member of a group who ask the men in attendence to only be in submissive role if they are a switch when they attend our functions. Many here on CM also know that I feel that top and bottom role are seperate things from relationship roles. However, IN THIS GROUP, we defined it to be Top=Dom=Master/Mistress, bottom=sub=slave. We did these things for several reasons, but the two main ones were/are: 1) We are a Fem Dom support group, thus the men are welcome in submissive role. Women are welcome in any role. Male Dominants, while highly appreciated and valued, are not allowed. 2) There are many, many places that a het or bi man can go to be Dominant and/or sadistic. In our group, we are fostering a place where the opposite is comfortable. We have found this to be a very important point to submissive and masochistic het/bi men who are new to the lifestyle. There's value in having restricted space when there are also many opportunities for unrestricted space. Some people, in particular the men we run across, are not comfortable in unrestricted space. Yes, it's a failing of their own self esteem to no be comfortable around Male Dominants...but, one step at a time. They first need a place in which to become comfortable with who they are! I actually stepped down as an officer last year after several years of being one of two people who ran the group. I don't totally feel I belong much anymore having taken a turn in my life towards being a Master (which, for me, is different than my path of being a Mistress) and I actually prefer pan space. But, when I do go, I respect the rules that the group has set up. If I don't like a group's rules I simply don't go. If there's not a group in my area that has rules I can abide by, I know I can form one. Master Fire

TheHeretic -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 5:04:33 PM)
Mode??? I'm me. If that isn't what people want, don't invite me. Frankly, I don't know that I would care to attend an event where people are only allowed to be their 'role' and not a person.

bellaballanda -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 7:00:59 PM)
Much like MasterFireMaam, I've heard of events that are catered to one specific gender/top/bottom group (this one is male tops and female submissives). People who attend those parties and switch are asked to come in the appropriate role (though some Female tops are used to take care of the female submissives at times). If I'm going to those events, then I know I'm in sub head space (which I'm in most of the time anyway).

PeggyDee -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 7:16:12 PM)
Yes michaels4evr, I for one am very sick of the discrimination and downright nasty comments made about and in front of switches. I figure they fear what they don't understand. I don't switch with same partners. If I feel toppy toward one, then I am toppy toward that one. If I feel submissive it is toward my owner and himself alone. Altho there are a very very very few tops that I would bottom for. NOT, repeat NOT submit to. The misconception that submission and bottoming go hand in hand is absurb at best and spread around like gospel at worst. Just because I have more than one aspect to my personality doesn't mean I'm confused, fence sitting, not a slave to my owner and not a dominant to the submissives who chose to come and learn from me. So yes....I'm sick of the whole damn circular debate. Again, I think it has become most prevelant in the het male dom/female sub crew which tends to dominate the net and my little circle of the world. As a side note, gay folks have no problems with switches or switching as a rule. It does depend on their club rules if they are private club members. Best Wishes PeggyDee~GW

OedipusRexIt -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 9:48:07 PM)
I'll take the OP's word that, for switches, this kind of categorization is a problem. I admit, it never ocurred to me that onemight switch back and forth within an evening, but then I don't go in for munches or other group gatherings... I say don't let 'em box you in. If you do... who's to blame?

crouchingtigress -> RE: Pick a side (4/18/2007 9:58:39 PM)
master fire something you said really stands out and i was hoping you would not mind explaining it? how is your life as a master different then your life as a mistress?

TigerNINTails -> RE: Pick a side (4/19/2007 2:42:28 AM)
I've encountered these sorts of parties and organizations before, when I was frequenting Citadel in SF. As a switch, I can swap "persona's" for lack of a better word rather easily, though for me, they still get the whole person. I would go for the experience, and it doesn't matter to me if I'm in "Top mode" or "bottom mode". I switch, dependent on the person I'm dealing with in the moment. I'm just me. If they ask me not to get into "Top mode" I simply defer to the women at the event, because that is what they wish, in order to maintain their secure dynamic. Not an issue. It's not an issue about whether they get you as a person. They want your whole person. But it's not discriminatory to ask that a switch remain within a proper "for the situation" mental dynamic. We are, after all, switches. We ride the fence, for whatever reasons we do so. We should find it an exercise in our own personal strength to be able to find those internal restraints to comply with the dynamic. There's nothing wrong with me going to an all Male Dom event and remaining in "Top mode" any more than there is for me to go to a Fem Dom event and remain in "bottom mode"... I won't "bottom" to other male or female bottoms, but I will defer to the Fem Dominants that are present. Even bottoming, if this is something "requested" of me in the situation. This just seems to be common sense to me. I don't see how someone could see it discriminatory. If you don't want to go, because you feel for some reason that it limits who you are (though falsely, in my opinion), than by all means, don't go. That's my take. Peace. Tora

Mustardseed -> RE: Pick a side (4/19/2007 4:41:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt I admit, it never ocurred to me that onemight switch back and forth within an evening I once saw a couple switch off rope topping duties within one night. Tie-torment-fuck-snuggle-switch-tie-torment-fuck-snuggle-leave. It was pretty hot. One switch support group meeting I attended had ideas for how switches could create their own space at a party: have the switches pair off with their an egg chess timer. Set it for an agreed-upon time. One switch starts topping or doming the other. The timer goes off and they switch roles immediately. The idea makes my brain hurt, but I actually wonder if I could do it seamlessly. Create a sort of gauntlet for each switch to run. Line up a bunch of switches on either side with various implements. One switch runs through and gets worked over. They get to the end of the line and get worked over. The next switch lays down their toy and runs the gauntlet. Lather, rinse, repeat. Alas, I don't think that either of these ideas ever got put into practice, but I'd really love to see it. Heck, it could be worth trying to organize. :)

TigerNINTails -> RE: Pick a side (4/19/2007 4:52:58 AM)
Ha! That does sound like a lot of fun, for some games to play that's for certain. I've never felt the need to find a switches group though. I don't know why. I think because really, the term is kind of an ambiguous title for "kinky people" in my mind. We are just who we are... I never thought there would be a group, as a result.

Mustardseed -> RE: Pick a side (4/19/2007 7:17:31 AM)
Well, the local "kink club" is actually a non-profit - "The Wet Spot, Seattle's Sex Positive Community Center." Workshops, a lending library, paid lecturers and, thus, chat/support groups for folks interested in attending. The Switch meetings weren't hugely attended because, generally, switches don't seem to have that much of a problem getting play or even partners in this neck of the woods. shrug I mainly went because it was something relevant to do on a Monday night, and some of the discussions were a hoot.

TigerNINTails -> RE: Pick a side (4/19/2007 6:52:07 PM)
LOL... Yeah, I've heard of The Wet Spot. My girl is in Spokane, so she told me of all the places she's familiar with up there, that are public play spaces. My former Mistress used to live for about a year and a half in Silverdale too... She's back here in Cali now though. I had just not thought of it. In fact, most of my BDSM time, I've spent as the Top, as I've a tendency to drag those that aren't familiar with the lifestyles into my world, and practiced privately for a very long time. This could have something to do with why those relationships, over time, didn't pan out. shrugs a shoulder and smirks Whatev... heh... Life goes on and we improve or we don't. Part of my improvement was when I started being sure to go to kink clubs, or play spaces and parties, as both Top and bottom (not simultaneously, that could get sticky [:D]) meeting other people and getting more experience as a bottom, which even through all my experience, vastly improved my Topping. At least in a mental aspect. Alright, done rambling. Peace![:)] Tora

michaels4evr -> RE: Pick a side (4/19/2007 7:36:43 PM)
Thanks for the responses everyone... MasterFireMaam, I have attended those type of functions before, for FemDom/male subs...I just don't feel comfortable in that arena. I have found that not only do FemDoms tend to look down upon we switch types; I am also turned off by the female supremacist style of domination some of these groups tend to lean toward. Maybe its my slavehood that makes me truly respect and honor all submissives, male or female alike. Maybe its my leather roots..i dunno. Now that I have thought of it some more, there is a time and place for all type of functions I suppose. I guess what is most frustrating is that these days my opportunity for attending them is few and far between, so I suppose to have to "pick a side" limits my...opportunity...ah well...the perils of switchery...and motherhood. Thanks again all, -michael's

LotusSong -> RE: Pick a side (4/20/2007 8:36:20 AM)
.When I felt discriminated against.. I created my own group (het Domme/het male sub). Where there is one feeling that way there are more. Create what you want. It just takes commitment and effort. I was a lot happier.

michaels4evr -> RE: Pick a side (4/20/2007 6:28:09 PM)
good advice Lotus, and I've done that many times..I actually still moderate/leadd a group here..the Violet Society..however running a group also takes TIME..which is in short supply these days...

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