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rkvideo -> getting started (4/28/2005 7:33:55 AM)

What is the best way to get strted out as a dom?



siamsa24 -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 7:40:12 AM)

Doesn't someone around here have slave dust? Do they make that in a dom version? [:D]



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 7:43:42 AM)

Dom dust is at a far higher premium, I don't go sprinkling that around willy-nilly!



siamsa24 -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 8:10:19 AM)

I see, thanks for the information [;)]



ShiftedJewel -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 8:24:17 AM)

The best advice I can think of is to read..... here on the forums, lots of good books on the subject, like Different Loving, SM 101.... and I know the list will grow as others will add to it. Ask more specific questions and accept the advise of Dominants and submissive/slaves alike, take it all in and decide what works best for you.

Jewel



siamsa24 -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 8:27:46 AM)

quote:

Ask more specific questions and accept the advise of Dominants and submissive/slaves alike


This is all very good advice, but the one above is excellent. Everyone has something to contribute (even us jokers [:)] )



ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 10:30:27 AM)

take the time to read, as was stated above.... get familiarized with it first before you venture out to the local groups, and please get well informed and know yourself as a dom before even attempting to begin a D/s relationship....supposing you aren't in one already. There is just so much information online, google "bdsm" .... go to castlerealm.com which, imo, is the best way to start out....go to gloria-brame.com, she has a wonderful mb there as well..... taking the time to get as much information as you need will be very helpful in your journey to discovering this side of yourself. You can also find yourself a mentor to help guide you through at first.



SirKenin -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 12:20:33 PM)

I was introduced to it by somebody in the lifestyle, and they sent Me to several websites. The first one I visited was http://www.castlerealm.com I followed some links from there to other resources and just started absorbing everything I could. It just went from there.



ProtagonistLily -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 2:04:58 PM)

quote:

What is the best way to get strted out as a dom?


It's not an occupation you train for, like butcher, baker or candlestick maker. It's something you either are, or you aren't. There's a lot that aren't that think they are, so it's not uncommon.

Google BDSM in your general geographic area and find a BDSM organization local/regional to you. Go to a munch. Go to a meeting. Meet people, talk to other Doms, find out what this is all about.

If you really are Dominant, then people are inclined to help you and give you the support you need on your journey.

Lily



Voltare -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 7:36:59 PM)

Spellcheck.

No, I'm not kidding. One of the most difficult concepts to wrap your head around when it comes to dominating others (as opposed to simply having the qualities) is that if they cannot respect you, they will not obey you. Obviously respect comes in many different colors and flavors, but the essentials come down to doing what you do well enough to inspire others. There are uncountable differences of opinion and styles when it comes to how you 'practice your art' with valid arguements for all sides, but one of the (very few) common threads is that to dominate, you must practice your art well. If you believe that dominance comes from a strong voice, then don't talk like daffy duck. If it's from skilled bondage, then I don't recommend imitating a five year old's christmas present. Realistically, dominance comes from many dozens of different personality qualities, but whatever balance strikes your fancy, do it right. A sloppy, apathetic, lazy dominant isn't likely to have a whole lot of luck. In an online forum, a typo in a thousand word essay is normal and natural. Horrible spelling errors in a ten word question asking for help is seen as sloppy and lazy. Communicating effectively from day one with clear words, specific questions, and genuine enthusiasm is a great way to start your journey on the right foot.

Good luck!

Stephan




Tormentius -> RE: getting started (4/28/2005 10:07:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

take the time to read, as was stated above.... get familiarized with it first before you venture out to the local groups, and please get well informed and know yourself as a dom before even attempting to begin a D/s relationship....supposing you aren't in one already. There is just so much information online, google "bdsm" .... go to castlerealm.com which, imo, is the best way to start out....go to gloria-brame.com, she has a wonderful mb there as well..... taking the time to get as much information as you need will be very helpful in your journey to discovering this side of yourself. You can also find yourself a mentor to help guide you through at first.


Thanks for the links. I hadn't come across those before.



stripmaster -> RE: getting started (4/29/2005 5:56:54 AM)

Damn Voltare,
That was so well said I’m cutting it out and posting it on my background pic on my computer so I can be reminded daily to hone my craft.
[8D]



chainedgirl -> RE: getting started (4/29/2005 3:20:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

It's not an occupation you train for, like butcher, baker or candlestick maker. It's something you either are, or you aren't. There's a lot that aren't that think they are, so it's not uncommon.

Lily


Thats all very well Lily, but just because someone _is_ a Dom/me doesn't mean they know how to weild a mean flogger! Having the tendency is one thing, having the skill is quite another. Then of course there is all the protocol. Just because someone is born with the tendency doesn't mean they can rock up at a munch or play party and all will go smoothly. Have you ever been at a party when someone went up to someone else and spanked their butt, or ordered them to get a drink? Not knowing if this person was collared or not - let alone if they were even subby? i have. i have also heard about situations.

It is commendable that someone who is new ask for help in getting started. And you're right, its not an occupation, but i'm sorry, you do train.



ProtagonistLily -> RE: getting started (4/29/2005 6:12:12 PM)

quote:

Thats all very well Lily, but just because someone _is_ a Dom/me doesn't mean they know how to weild a mean flogger! Having the tendency is one thing, having the skill is quite another. Then of course there is all the protocol. Just because someone is born with the tendency doesn't mean they can rock up at a munch or play party and all will go smoothly. Have you ever been at a party when someone went up to someone else and spanked their butt, or ordered them to get a drink? Not knowing if this person was collared or not - let alone if they were even subby? i have. i have also heard about situations.

It is commendable that someone who is new ask for help in getting started. And you're right, its not an occupation, but i'm sorry, you do train.


Yes dear, and that's why I encouraged this person to seek the real scene in their area and meet others. I'm not clear on why you are questioning what I said.

There's nothing in my original post that would lead anyone to believe otherwise. Perhaps you need to go back and actually read then entire thing, you know, the part where I encouraged them to Google BDSM in their area and hook up with the locals. Common sense would suggest that meant to meet people and learn.

Lily



dragonofjapan -> RE: getting started (4/30/2005 4:58:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: rkvideo

What is the best way to get strted out as a dom?


I got started at the age of 6. I trust in my life it was just fate.

However, in my life I have met an number of great people. One of the best dominants was a young man in his late 20's. He spent from the age of 20 to 24, as a submissive to a dominant woman. He did this KNOWING he was dominant, but also knowing he was ignorant.

He told me those years taught him the empathy he needed and the chance to work with an exceptional mentor.

I offer this idea for you consideration.

Zip



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