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RE: Effective Communication - 4/22/2007 6:39:44 PM   
N4SDChastity


Posts: 327
Joined: 2/27/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

Characteristics Of Bad Communications During Arguments
1. Truth: Insisting that you are "right" and the other person is "wrong".
2. Blame: Saying that the problem is the other person's fault.
3. Martydom: Claiming that you're an innocent victim.
4. Put-down:Implying that the other person is a loser because he or she "always" or "never" does certain things.
5. Hopelessness: Giving up and insisting that there is no point in trying.
6. Demandingness:Insisting that you ar entitled to better treatment but you refuse to ask for what you want in a direct, straightforward way.
7. Denial: Insisting that you don't feel angry, hurt, or sad when you really do.
8. Passive Aggression: Pouting, withdrawing or saying nothing. Or, storming out of the room, hitting intimate objects or slam doors.
9. Self-blame: Instead of dealing with the problem, acting as if you're an awful, terrible person.
10. Helping: Instead of hearing how depressed, hurt, or angry the other person feels, you try to "solve the problem" or "help" him or her.
11. Sarcasm: Your words or tone of voice convey tension or hostility which you aren't openly acknowledging. 
12. Scapegoating: Suggesting that the other person has "a problem" and that you're sane, happy, and uninvolved in the conflict.

13. Defensiveness: Refusal to admit any wrong-doing or imperfection.
14. Counterattack: Instead of acknowledging how the other person feels, you respond to their criticism by critizing them.
15. Diversion: Instead of dealing with how you both feel in the here-and-now, you list grievances about past injustices.



Some of these suggestions are EXCELLENT!!!  Mind if I "borrow" a few, next time I'm losing an arguument?

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Effective Communication - 4/22/2007 6:52:23 PM   
twistedkytten


Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline
One thing I try to remember with communication, is using the phrase, or some variation, I can see from where you stand, how you might see it that way, however,  have you considered....? I struggle with trusting my emotions to be appropriate for the given situation, so I ask alot of questions like am I over reacting? or trying to rephrase what I hear using my own words, to be sure I understand.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Effective Communication - 4/22/2007 7:09:04 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
We finally managed to talk it out today. But I don't think he realized until now how intimidating an angry, dominant man can be for me. I couldn't convince him yesterday to let it drop until I had a chance to think it out and I couldn't easily tell him what I thought until I had a chance to think it out which usually I do while in conversation with him. And like usual, it came down to a misunderstanding.

(in reply to twistedkytten)
Profile   Post #: 43
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