RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (Full Version)

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littleone35 -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/29/2007 3:21:52 PM)

I think you should give it a little time omce the novelty wears off he should be back to his regular self.  The idea about making some new toys has merit as long as he is gonna be spending the time away from you, you should get something out of it.  And as someone else said after he makes them he will have to test them out.

Matt's littleone



santalia -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/29/2007 3:25:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well all of these ideas on how to integrate her self into his hobby is great- it still doesn't solve the issue that he's spending ALL his time with the hobby.  One can assume this means around the house chores, as well as private intimate time.  You can't substitute those things out.

And I don't think it's right for a master to abandon those over the long term due to a new toy.  We make commitments, we build expectations, and we need to be held accountable to them.  I think the OP is perfectly justified in her frustrations and "jealousy." 



Greetings

i tend to agree with this opinion of the situation. One can go only so long without beginning to feel neglected, frustrated, and even begin feeling the pangs of jealousy after a bit. It's hard to deal with and, if not addressed soon after beginning to feel this way, can begin eroding the relationship.

Well wishes

-santalia{JR}t



temptressofsouls -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/29/2007 5:01:08 PM)

Its one thing to ignore a slave or sub for a new toy....(been there done THAT) but when there's kids and a dog? Not acceptable, Master or not.

(After the newness period, anyway)



lockedaway -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/29/2007 5:11:15 PM)

If your Master or Mistress is the type that gets distracted over a new toy....leave.  The moment you feel neglected, vote by walking.  There is a huge difference between domination and emotional abuse.  If your relationship is based on love and that love is being siphoned off by someone else, get the hell out.  There are other Masters and Mistresses that will accept you with open arms.

I dated a Domme and she was extremely bisexual.  She had other girls join us but she expressed concern over my becoming attached to them.  I assured her that I would not and that she was my first, middle and last priority.  There were a number of girls that served her (us) and I held steadfast.   She wanted to draw me into cuckolding.  I had grave misgivings but I went along for a bit.  Sure enough, in short order she developed a strong attachment to the "toy" that was going to help her accomplish the cuckolding.  I put her out to the curb like a used mattress.



PairOfDimes -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/29/2007 5:24:08 PM)

Congratulations on choosing a good gift!

It's not a horrifying character flaw that your partner has a bit of a tendency toward tunnel-vision with new happy experiences. I'd say that it's a mildly annoying fault that can be managed with a bit of self-control. Presumably, he manages to get to work, and to eat, and so on, so all you need to do is remind him that he has other, less-obvious, obligations too.

You absolutely get to ask for him to spend time with you and to fulfill the rest of his household obligations. LA offered a good approach, with time delineations. I've sensed that I'm a bit more of an emotional bulldozer than she is, so it's not surprising that I would wait a couple days rather than a week.

You could do this as a proper talk, and say, "I need you to spend time with me, and with the kids, and with the dog, and to take out the trash, and dust, and cook." You could write a note to that effect, if you'd rather. Or, you could do this slightly more subtly, and interrupt the woodworking with polite requests/reminders of obligations. "Honey, could you take out the trash?" "Honey, could we spend some time together before bed?" (Lingerie helps with the latter, I imagine.) You would know better than I how to approach this with your partner. My point is threefold: yes, it's okay for you to remind him that he has responsibilities to you and your shared household, no, I don't think this is a horrible breakup-worthy problem (it might be a problem if he, er, remains attached to the woodworking even after your talk), and no, I don't think he'll remember his obligations if you don't say something.



lockedaway -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/29/2007 5:29:45 PM)

Oh my God...i just read the original post.  [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m13.gif[/image]  Can't I go back and delete????



dcnovice -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/29/2007 5:39:22 PM)

I'm sorry. What did you say again? I was sanding a plank for the bookshelf Im making and wasn't really listening.



phoenixinchains -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/30/2007 3:06:34 AM)

sounds like "world of warcraft", they are thrilled and wish to conquer and become the most skilled... and maybe all people get that way over something. and i still haven't figured out the break the spell, though my Mate and i try to alot time for various pursuits. since i take the toy away, (becuase i am happy my Mate has an outlet to relieve stress even though i'd rather it be my back) i find my own thing,,, like drawing out scene i'd like to engage with Him, then he get's interested in me and my pursuit, and when he gets off the computer...



Stranger1 -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/30/2007 7:04:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice...
I gave my Master a gift which made him extremely happy, a set of woodworking tools and machinery. He was so excited that he couldn't sit down! This is good, right. I'm overjoyed in seeing his pleasure and feeling clever at having gotten something he loved so much.

Here's the thing: since he got it, he hasn't stopped doing anything but woodworking. He hasn't needed me for anything, and he's hardly even spoken to the kids or me. Even the dog is mad at him and sulking because he won't play with it anymore! All human contact with Master has almost ceased, and I'm starting feel a bit funny... almost, jealous of the tools?! It's not that I have no way to keep busy and do things without him, but... those who know what I mean... what shall I do? I'd hate to mess it up by whining just when he's the happiest. But I'm feeling sort of neglected, and so is the family.


Then you had best get interested in it too-and help.



amuzingtoyou -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/30/2007 7:43:26 AM)

I don't know what male doesn't have tunnel vision. Sorry but i think i might be inherent within the male species. My Daddy gets tunnel vision. It happens especially when he is working on a new project at work. When it starts to go on for a few weeks, there comes a time that i have to remind him, hey im here too. I also have to remind myself that this man juggles so many things, and while i might be the most important person, he has other responsiblities as well. There are times he needs time to himself, and I do enjoy giving that to him. If it goes on for more than a couple weeks i would talk  to him about how you are feeling. Most likely he isn't even aware its bothering anyone.



MercTech -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/30/2007 12:28:58 PM)

For consideration.... is he working a specific project with said woodworking tools or just puttering?

Taking a project from concept to completion can be a very consuming and fulfilling thing.  A huge amount of detail and concentration is often needed.  Look hard and decide if you are dealing with a Mr. Toad's mania or a flurry of creative energy  that can have very very excellent results.

Will joggling his elbow while working have the result you want, more attention, or will it frustrate him at the distraction?   If he is one of those focused project oriented persons, consider enabling his project to get it done with then gift him with a celebration to get him focused on the family again.

Stefan



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (4/30/2007 8:53:11 PM)

To the OP..take a picture of the tools with a note attached to it stating "help I have been kidnapped" "they demand ~wink~your time for one hour, or I will be toast!"..."HELLLPPPP!!!!...Tempting



SirDominic -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (5/1/2007 7:33:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: temptressofsouls

Its one thing to ignore a slave or sub for a new toy....(been there done THAT) but when there's kids and a dog? Not acceptable, Master or not.



Especially the poor dog! Okay that was a joke. I agree with temptress, anytime someone is distracted on one thing to the exclusion of everything else, there is a problem. Being a Master, I consider the issue even more serious, as he is supposed to have control of himself, which if he usually does, he has forgotten.

You do need to sit down with him and respectfully remind him that he does have responsibilities that cannot be put aside just because he has a new toy.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



LeatherBentOne -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (5/1/2007 7:57:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

If it were me I would ask him about the tools, the uses for the tools, and have him teach me about it if he was game for that. It would teach you a new skill, give you time with him, and he could take pride in showing you his knowledge by sharing himself with you


I like your answer to find a win-win solution . . . especially since the OP said she bought the tolls and machinery "for his pleasure," and then seems to complain because he's taking his pleasure without her.

She should have mentioned to him that there were "conditions" to accepting her gift and that there was a "dead-line" to his pleasure . . .  or that he was "required" to spend as much time with her as he previously did before she bought these things for his pleasure.

(Sorry for my sarcasm here.  Not meant personally.  But seems that "for his pleasure" seems like such a coined expression these days rather than a heart-felt wish..  Not wanting to hijack here.  Just something to think about.)

LBO



complaisant2u -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (5/1/2007 11:22:36 AM)

If he's a bit obsessive and compulsive he'll get tired of it after a bit.  At least I would.  Sounds like you might be exagerating a bit since you're personifying the dog's actions.  Your personalities could be a bit different if he's one to sit and read a book and you're one to socialize.... the ole intravert, extravert thing.  You should definately talk to him and say your point of view and I'm sure he'd try to spend more time with you.  But if he's an introvert he can only do so much of that socializing, just like an extrovert can only shut themselves in a room without talking to others for only so long.  Joining him is a good option, unless you hate woodworking or other similar activites like that.  Woodworking can be a real art even outside of mechanics of wood joins.  Look at carvings and inlays.  Also the synergy of two people working and learning together can make you both better at it then if he just did it alone. Or if you don't do the crafting, than if one makes for fun and profit, the other can sell.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (5/1/2007 1:13:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne
She should have mentioned to him that there were "conditions" to accepting her gift and that there was a "dead-line" to his pleasure . . .  or that he was "required" to spend as much time with her as he previously did before she bought these things for his pleasure.
LBO


I thought the "condition" came with the relationship- "We choose to commit to eachother and make eachother happy based on the expectations and character we know in eachother"

A gift doesn't suddenly say "You can now forget all those expectations and commitments you made in the relationship"

I don't see the OP suggesting or even implying that she wants to limit his pleasure or give him deadlines or make requirements.  She simply doesn't know what to do since he abandoned his previous commitments and is stuck between wanting him to be happy AND wanting him to hold to the commitments HE made to her before the gift ever happened.

I didn't realize expecting someone to stay true to their relationship commitments was considered a "condition of gifts" these days.



LeatherBentOne -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (5/2/2007 5:34:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne
She should have mentioned to him that there were "conditions" to accepting her gift and that there was a "dead-line" to his pleasure . . .  or that he was "required" to spend as much time with her as he previously did before she bought these things for his pleasure.
LBO


I thought the "condition" came with the relationship- "We choose to commit to eachother and make eachother happy based on the expectations and character we know in eachother"

A gift doesn't suddenly say "You can now forget all those expectations and commitments you made in the relationship"

I don't see the OP suggesting or even implying that she wants to limit his pleasure or give him deadlines or make requirements.  She simply doesn't know what to do since he abandoned his previous commitments and is stuck between wanting him to be happy AND wanting him to hold to the commitments HE made to her before the gift ever happened.

I didn't realize expecting someone to stay true to their relationship commitments was considered a "condition of gifts" these days.


Thanks for another way of looking at this.



MercTech -> RE: My gift was too much of a good thing! (5/2/2007 11:15:23 AM)

Just a thought... get him some woodworking plans for something for the toy chest.  It might remind him of other interests.

Stefan



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