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confidence .. escapes me - 4/24/2007 2:54:56 PM

mixielicous

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From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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for those who used to lack it, what are some things you use to build confidence?

i will soon be taking Chado tea lessons, and it crossed my mind, maybe having that grace will improve my [pathetic] confidence in my every day & social interactions

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/24/2007 2:58:49 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I asked myself "What would the Perfect Responsible Mature Liz of 27 do?" and then do that.

Now that I am that age and think back to how I envisioned myself...it feels weird. In some ways I'm so much beyond that point, and in some ways I'm still so lacking.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 4/24/2007 2:59:13 PM >

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/24/2007 3:02:43 PM

Lorgrom

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Best way I know of to build confidence is to set for your self small daily goals. Once you are acheving those on a regular basis. Change them and make them a bit harder to meet. Continue until one day you wake up and just start giggling to your self over how much confidence you didn't have in the past.

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/24/2007 3:17:02 PM

MrRodgers

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Concerning all confidence building and in your social and personal interactions...is built through practice. Meet and greet people without hesitation and you will find acceptence.

Practice any interaction you have with people you encounter in vanilla life...everywhere you go. You'll become more relaxed and as time goes by...more confident with people in general.

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/24/2007 4:06:05 PM

OedipusRexIt

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There are many good ways to gain confidence and self-esteem. Some people believe in the daily affirmation (although it reminds me a bit too much of Stuart Smiley on SNL), while others find their confidence grows with positive reinforcement from a mentor or peer.

Both of those practices, along with a good introspective analysis of why you feel low esteem or confidence in the first place, will help.

My personal choice is DO something you didn't think you could, no matter how big or small, and then pause and reflect and FEEL PROUD that you did it.

For example, posting here in this thread is a good start, especially if you hesitated to do so.

Way to go. Keep it up. You can do it.

... get used to hearing those three phrases, and even saying them to yourself.

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/24/2007 4:47:49 PM

juliaoceania

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I tried to educate myself into confidence, it did help me some to be honest. The times I have felt most insecure were the times I compared myself to others and I always came up short. It does not matter what it is, there will always be someone better at it than you, what matters is that the unique combination of traits you possess is not possessed by another human being the world over.

My perfectionism was a sign of low self esteem that I have dealt with rather well. I still have my anal moments where I am hard on myself, but I used to really beat myself up. My therapist said something to me that made an impact in regard to this, he said "If a friend of yours had the same set of problems as you do and felt they were not worthwhile because of it, what would you tell them?" I stammered and I could not reply, because I knew I would not think they were less for it.

We are often our own worst critics, negative self talk leads to sadness, anxiety and depression. Everyone deserves to be happy in my opinion, almost everyone I have ever known was worthwhile on some level... even the people I did not care for personally have worthiness to them. We are all human beings....

As far as confidence, I would ask myself, "what is the worst thing that can happen if I do something wrong, or I am not 'as good' as others at something?" Usually the answer is a resounding "Nothing at all"

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/24/2007 4:57:51 PM

minnetar

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i would say don't ever compare yourselves to others. Write down your good qualities and continually reinforce those in your mind. i thought it was funny you said that you lacked confidence because your photo doesn't show a lack of confidence in the least.

minnetar

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/24/2007 6:33:05 PM

ta2dqt

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I try to go to the gym..............eat better.............smile more................have better posture (mine is bad :( )
Dress nice when i go out................(if i ever do)..........................get my hair trimmed,....................play in nature......................read books........................

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/25/2007 2:34:33 PM

mixielicous

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everyones responses were really good ...

cognative reconditioning, funny something i apply to achieve slave mind set when it escapes me, and yet i never tried it in this arena.... ha, figures!

a makeover on saturday courtesy of TLC shouldnt hurt either!! lol

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/25/2007 4:02:14 PM

LadyEllen

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I only developed confidence once I was in the position of having lost everything. There are no worries over how one looks, or how others perceive one, when there is nothing they can take from you, because you have nothing for them to take.

I dont suggest you give up all you have, and it wasnt easy in that position even for me(!), but there's a lesson in there somewhere.

E

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/25/2007 7:39:19 PM

Masterdarkone26

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Try this.. to build your confidence.. treat everyone and every situation as you don't care about them or what they think about you... it will build your confidence in just being open because you really won't care if they don't like what you have to say or not... and you know your a great person no need to act like you care what they think..

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RE: confidence .. escapes me - 4/25/2007 10:58:46 PM

Rayne58

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I struggle with self confidence every day.....especially with driving. Yes I can drive, and I'm fine when I know where I'm going, and which lane to be in.

Today, there was a traffic jam to get into the parking building I usually park in, so I had to go to the one across the road. Entry is on a different road to the exit, so I was in a panic wondering how I was going to find my way to a road I knew. So I went to the exit on foot (outside the building) and walked until I was on familiar territory. When I drove out, I knew exactly where I was going - Master was pleased when I told Him, and my confidence has had a much needed boost