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Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/1/2005 3:17:29 AM   
Inquisition


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline 		I have looked over most of the posts regarding bdsm and the law, and it seems that engaging in some bdsm practices easily conforms to what the law defines as battery, and consent cannot be given by a sub or anyone to being battered, or gagged, blindfolded and chained in a cage. "Honest your honor, I wanted to have a funnel in my mouth and drink pee while in a straight jacket and sensory deprivation hood." While the Dom and Sub may not do hard time in prison or the mental hospital, they would face public scrutiny, which begs the question of how to keep totally private in a 24/7 lifestyle?

Gossip spreads, period. Anything deemed, 'juicy' especially among your vanilla friends or acquantences, is going to spread and my concern is that if anyone who is an extreme conservative or extreme left wing human rights crusader, is told or overhears about my bdsm practices, I'm in for it. I live in a small town, everybody knows everybody else and gossip moves quickly. People who have kinky toys and play around don't have as much to try and keep private as folks who for example, keep a slave in the dungeon, caged or chained a lot of the time.

So here's a question: have any of you encountered problems keeping your lifestyle a private matter, either because the mailman saw too much, or your slave thought it would be okay to call Mom and explain that "he's a loving man and he takes care of me and I LIKE being handcuffed and whipped, its my choice Mom, mine." And what precautions do you take, aside from common sense issues like having curtains and making sure the dungeon is well insulated in terms of sound, and locking the door... Just curious, am new to the 24/7 aspects of the lifestyle.
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RE: Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/1/2005 5:54:36 AM   
FuriousAngel


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

have any of you encountered problems keeping your lifestyle a private matter


I had a very close call where I thought my mother was going to find out once, or at the very least, I needed help my only option was to turn to someone in my vanilla life and she was the only one I knew that could help with as few questions asked as possible. I chose to be dishonest for the sake of protecting her. Some may disagree with that but trust me, if she had known what was really going on when I called from an airport in a different country and was having trouble getting home, she'd have been worried beyond words.

quote:

what precautions do you take


The only people I truly go out of my way hide the lifestyle from is my mother and my daughter. My mother has already spent her entire life worrying that everyone wants to rape and mutilate her daughter! LOL! She'd never sleep again if she found out about this lifestyle. So when it comes to mom I have to create a 'history' for those I meet or speak of. Thankfully, I've always been a social gypsy so few questions are asked.

I'm not involved with any Dominant right now so it's simple to keep from my daughter. I store all my D/s related information, including bookmarked sites, etc. stored in boring looking files on my system. I don't utilize any of the automatic sign in features, leave anything open and I lock my system down whenever I leave the house. She has her own computer so cares less about mom's, but I'm still cautious. I also have a large, wooden box that locks which is where I keep items I may not want her to stumble across and ask "Mom? What is all this pretty rope for?" LOL!

Aside from those two people I just use standard precautions such as not divulging where I work, my last name or any other personal information aside from my first name and city. I have become much more relaxed in my 'worry' of being discovered and it's no longer something I'm overly concerned with for the most part. I also learned from the close call with my mother that it was a good idea to enlist the support of a trusted friend so I always have somewhere to turn in the future if there is an emergency. I told the friend about my lifestyle choice ... I'll never have to call mom from an airport again!


(in reply to Inquisition)
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RE: Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/1/2005 7:34:50 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I guess our theory is a good defense is an adequate offense. We are very open and do not necessarily bring up the subject to "nilla" friends, but will answer questions if asked. I guess it falls under the heading of, if you don't want the answer, don't ask the question. Our children are well aware of our activities and our daughter is even leaning toward becoming a Domme, even though for a long time she acted like she didn't want to know any more than she needed to..lol. We display a BDSM emblem on our bike and had a sub who had BDSM emblem tattoos, the theory here is if they don't know what it is it won't mean anything and if they do, well it's not a problem. The lady who does our hair does wonder why we always have "others" in our home, but she has never had the nerve to ask questions, so we just let her wonder. I think as far as "play" goes, common sense and discretion go a long way. Certainly if the neighbors were to hear screams coming from you home, I could see where there would be some concern, but soundproofing materials are relatively cheap and there is always the use of gags if necessary. My biggest fear would be to have a sub/slave who needed immediate medical attention and would have "stripes", I agree this would be hard to explain away so having everyone in tip-top healthy condition would be a priority. Hopefully we will never face the delimma you mentioned, as most nillas would not understand that we do, what we do, because we want to. Knowing your sub/slaves and having that bond of trust is probably the most important prevention of any problems, as they would likely be the ones who could put a Dominant at risk. This is why I have a hard time understanding those who say they will "play" early on, without really knowing their partners inside and out. Will be interesting to see some of the answers to this post.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to Inquisition)
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RE: Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/1/2005 2:25:55 PM   
MsIce


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		I believe that great care should be taken to protect children from being involved with the bdsm life style. If as an adult they have an interest in this lifestyle then it is up to them to persue it then. I too live in a small town. My first lesson was this: I went to a bdsm wedding. I had my picture taken from a distance standing in a group of ppl, with my sun glasses on. I thought I was fairly anonamous. I heard back that within 1 week I had been outed as "There's my child's coach" at what they knew was a bdsm wedding, so I was implicated by association. I have been extremely careful since then to make sure my picture was never taken again.
I keep Nothing at all at my house. I suspect one of the largest fears of a kinkster is that they will die suddenly and all the *bent* belongings will be discovered

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
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RE: Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/1/2005 2:56:45 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Just so it's clear, our "kids" are over 21 and young adults

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to MsIce)
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RE: Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/1/2005 3:22:41 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So here's a question: have any of you encountered problems keeping your lifestyle a private matter


I'm generally pretty discreet, but at the same time, I will not live in hiding. I manage this equilibrium by making sure who I play with and who I talk to.

I guess I don't have to worry too much about the laws being a dominant woman living in Canada. I think one of the worst thing I could do if someone confronted me was to deny that I was kinky. But often, when it has happened, I've basically winked and said "aren't you burning to know" and I'll simply grin.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Inquisition)
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RE: Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/1/2005 3:25:17 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Children are not stupid. They also know and sense when things are hidden from them. This leads to anxiety and distrust of the adults they are supposed to respect and look up to.

Doesn't mean they need to know all the ins and outs, but for their age and understanding, ours are informed as they ask.

Why the 'try to protect children'? That insinuates that BDSM is a bad thing? Do you try to protect them from homosexuality? Blinker them to racism? A well informed child is a child who doesn't fear or hate. You don't have to ram it down their throats, but allowing them to be comfortable with the differences and uniqueness of people doesn't mean they are going to practise it when they are older.

Teaching a child to cook, doesn't mean they will be a chef.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to MsIce)
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RE: Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/1/2005 4:21:24 PM   
MrKite


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		We went to a BDSM bed and breakfast once and the host told us first thing “Don’t be surprised if you see a cop in the kitchen”. As it turned out he had worked to develop a relationship with the local police in that small town. With the police knowing and understanding the lifestyle, the rules they live by and the care taken with everyone that entered the house, they dropped in occasionally to make sure everything stayed on the up and up as it were. Of course this makes sense because in the event of an event the police are the first to be involved and the people who make the report. Knowing about the life style practice means that they are less likely to jump to the wrong conclusion.

I don’t know if this is the right thing for you of course, I just mention it because it seemed to me such a wise thing to do in his situation. I’ll be glad to give you his contact information if you want to talk to him about how he deals with those issues. I don’t think I should publish it publicly as that would presumptuous on my part.


_____________________________

If it feels good, do it.

(in reply to Inquisition)
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RE: Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/2/2005 12:17:21 AM   
Inquisition


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the insights and observations here. I've decided to move my more intense play to a rustic cabin I have outside of town, well away from neighbors. I feel a little odd about it, because just about every 'creepy serial killer' movie involves a remote, broken down old house miles from anywhere, but I'd like to have a place where none of my friends drop by unexpectedly while I'm in a scene. It will be where the actual bdsm furniture is kept, set up and ready for use. At my home, lesser activities will occur.

(in reply to MrKite)
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RE: Importance of Privacy in 24/7 Lifestyle - 5/2/2005 7:05:47 AM   
Gemeni


Posts: 255
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		I control access of who comes and goes at my residence pretty tightly.

And I have nothing to do with women who have kids not of legal age.

As long as I keep my mouth shut to people who really don't need to know,there has never been an issue.

(in reply to Inquisition)
Profile   Post #: 10
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