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RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 1:12:47 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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In terms of some of my recent interaction with submissive/slave types online, I've been using positive reinforcement when they honestly express themselves. I find a number of them feel uncertain about expressing themselves. As if I were to take offense to it or something. I have no problems as long as they are respectful and honest about what they are saying.

The last thing I want is for somebody to be blowing smoke up my ass telling me everything they think I want to hear. In my book how the hell am I supposed to get to know, accept, and deal with somebody who is not honest with me. Simply does not work.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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Post #: 21

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 3:54:11 AM

StellaByStarlite

Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have to say this is a topic that has been on my mind today. You see, we have been disagreeing about home decor subjects. It is hard for me as a submissive not to be "supportive" of him, even when I disagree. How does a submissive tell her One that "I love you, but I cannot stand that dish pattern" or "that color is so 1990s" and still sound submissive? We are not always going to have the same taste, and he is the dom, and he gets what he wants. I have bought what I wanted the way I wanted it my entire adult life, so it is hard to adjust to this. Sometimes I feel a little left out of the decision making process

Aw, it really is difficult to let go of your having control of your environment. Those small details like decorating are something we take for granted, lol.

The Mister and I have little disagreements over stuff like that all the time. The difference with me, is that he "delegated" house and home to me as my responsibility.

Personally.. I'll offer the perspective that maybe he would want to hear your opinion? I dunno.. D/s dynamics are different with everybody, lol.

Isn't it wierd, though.. how sometimes the "big issues" are less trouble then the smaller ones? My Mister has total control of the finances, I'm not allowed to touch the money without his permission. And that's fine with me! Bring in something like... bright red tulips as opposed to soft pink ones, though..and it's all over. ;)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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Post #: 22

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 4:05:18 AM

StellaByStarlite

Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
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I can state with confidence that on certain matters, my Mister prefers that I disagree with him. Using a "respectful" tone is a bit more difficult to define. I can be pretty passionate in my opposing viewpoints.

In the long run, he still wants and loves me completely as I am. My skills are at his disposal, and how can they be effectively used if I'm not allowed free expression?

Call him lazy or lax, but the Mister just doesn't worry about bantering/bickering that much. It doesn't undermine his final authority at all. I have several obligations that he *chose* to hand me, so it wouldn't be productive for him to arbitrarily pull rank when I'm trying to get things done.

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Post #: 23

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 9:35:30 AM

SweetlySubmissve

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Joined: 4/10/2006
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Reminds me of what my mother told me as a child...

"It's not what you say, it's how you say it."

_____________________________

"There's a smile when the pain comes. The pain's gonna make everything alright..." - The Black Crows, 'She Talks to Angels'

Yeah, I'm a slight massochist.

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Post #: 24

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 10:03:04 AM

Stranger1

Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressFL
I have had this happen before. As a result I changed my approach and now I do not discuss what I like and do not like until after they have discussed it with me first. I simply tell them I want to get to know about them first and once I am done with all my questions I will give them an opportunity to ask me questions. In addition, I no longer discuss BDSM until after I have gotten to know more about them as a person first but that is to help with a different issue.
Tigress~FL

I've been coming to this same realization as well.

Sae here, kink is neve discussed until I know the person better. This gives one a much better chance at a relationship-as opposed to a mere "fling." I find that the thrill riders will lose interest and move on rather quickly-no huge loss.

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Post #: 25

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 3:43:58 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Dominants, what do you think of submissives that you can tell are agreeing with everything you say, just to agree? What about when they claim to like everything you like, only to find out later, those were not their interests at all? I think this is really common with male submissives trying to initiate conversations with femdoms, both online and in real life. I have been extremely frustrated in the past to find out that sub men made up stuff to agree with me, or agreed with my opinions just to be agreeable.

Submissives, do you feel pressured or uncomfortable about disagreeing with a dominant partner when you are in the early stages? For those that do not, how do you disagree and still remain respectful?

Do some submissives think it's not possible to disagree with a dominant without appearing rude? Do you find it is easier and safer to just agree?

Akasha

There is nothing worse than a submissive that agrees with every thing.
As soon as its become apparent they are just agreeing for brownie points
I either blow them off or ask why do you agree with everything I say dont you have a brain of your own?
they say they just want to please Me...I can be pleased without having someone agree with Me all the time.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to AAkasha)

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Post #: 26

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 4:09:49 PM

jaunty1

Posts: 102
Joined: 3/20/2007
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Hello Aakasha

To be blunt, if melissa agreed with everthing I said; it would send me into shock and I would start to wonder where the real melissa was. Without honest and direct input from her, the relationship would deteriorate fast. I have no interest in a robot; I perfer my girl thinking and acting.

Live well

Alex

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Post #: 27

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 4:36:17 PM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Submissives, do you feel pressured or uncomfortable about disagreeing with a dominant partner when you are in the early stages? For those that do not, how do you disagree and still remain respectful?
In the early stages, yes indeed I have difficulty with this. I am aware of it, I am trying to change it but it is a problem. My first instinct is to try and be what someone wants me to be. Usually I stay very quiet and reserved so that I don't have to agree or disagree (that is easy since I am shy). Within a few days or sometimes hours I can gain the confidence but when meeting someone it is exceedingly difficult for me to um.. put myself forward.

Do some submissives think it's not possible to disagree with a dominant without appearing rude? Do you find it is easier and safer to just agree?
Most of me knows it is possible and indeed likely if manners and a sense of timing are used. Most of me. Safe is good, safe is easy.. safe has to eventually be pushed through but doesn't have to be done in an unpleasant way.

Akasha

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*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

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Post #: 28

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 5:50:29 PM

junecleaver

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Joined: 4/6/2005
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I was uncomfortable disagreeing with him in the beginning. Now he tells me I have no problem with it.

I think it just helped for him to reinforce that he simply wanted to KNOW me and that it was understood I wasn't trying to usurp his domly rights.

I find it 'not safer' to agree. In a way, I would feel like I'm lying. And I'm sure there would be consequences for trying to hide my feelings/preferences.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

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Post #: 29

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 6:57:16 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Dominants, what do you think of submissives that you can tell are agreeing with everything you say, just to agree? What about when they claim to like everything you like, only to find out later, those were not their interests at all? I think this is really common with male submissives trying to initiate conversations with femdoms, both online and in real life. I have been extremely frustrated in the past to find out that sub men made up stuff to agree with me, or agreed with my opinions just to be agreeable.

Submissives, do you feel pressured or uncomfortable about disagreeing with a dominant partner when you are in the early stages? For those that do not, how do you disagree and still remain respectful?

Do some submissives think it's not possible to disagree with a dominant without appearing rude? Do you find it is easier and safer to just agree?

Akasha

I would expect honesty, and politeness.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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Post #: 30

RE: The disagreeable sub - 4/28/2007 7:30:16 PM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Dominants, what do you think of submissives that you can tell are agreeing with everything you say, just to agree? What about when they claim to like everything you like, only to find out later, those were not their interests at all? I think this is really common with male submissives trying to initiate conversations with femdoms, both online and in real life. I have been extremely frustrated in the past to find out that sub men made up stuff to agree with me, or agreed with my opinions just to be agreeable.

Submissives, do you feel pressured or uncomfortable about disagreeing with a dominant partner when you are in the early stages? For those that do not, how do you disagree and still remain respectful?

Do some submissives think it's not possible to disagree with a dominant without appearing rude? Do you find it is easier and safer to just agree?

Akasha

In O/our relationship, Master is responsible for taking care of me and for my safety and well being as well as helping me be the best "me" I can be. His decisions are based not only on His observations of my reactions, but on what I tell Him my feelings, opinions, wants, needs, desires and dreams (as well as many other things). I believe whole heartedly that it is my responsibilty to be open and honest about any and all information so that He may make the best decisions possible. Not to mention that to NOT do that would be lying and that is something that Master does not tollerate.

This "policy" was something Master explained to me and let me know was required of me upfront before any actual "relationship" started. It is also a standard for good communication. I don't read minds and I don't expect Master to read minds either. After 9 years together however, He does read my body language very well as do I His and to some it may seem W/we read each others mind because W/we can communicate with just a glance or a look.

Perhaps you just need to be more clear at the onset.

Sincerely,
minxy