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TotalDevotion2U -> Funny Observations about Life .... (4/29/2007 11:15:57 AM)
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Life Is Funny
1. Food has replaced sex in my life ... now I can't even get into my own pants!
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood-alcohol content.
3. Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ... so I said, "Implants?"
5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
6. Sign in a CHINESE Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
7. I have my own little world. But it's OK ... they know me here.
8. I got a sweater for Christmas ... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
10. I don't approve of political jokes ... I've seen too many of them get elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life ... Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of handgrenades ...THAT'S A MESSAGE!
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
15. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
16. I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
17. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
18. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
19. How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for Miss America?
20. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
21. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
22. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
23. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
24. The differences between snowmen and snow-women are snowballs.
A Few Extras.....
Q: What Is The Difference Between Sky And A Skirt?
A: The Sky Covers the Whole Universe And A Skirt Covers the Universal Hole.
Q: What Is The Similarity Between Girl And a cup of Tea?
A: Both Are Hot, Have Milk And Are Needed When Rising.
Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
Q: What is difference between Girl in Church and Girl in a Bath?
A: Girl in Church has soul full of hope and Girl in a Bath has hole full of soap.
Q: What is a gynaecolgist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure.
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